OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Herb Iffrig
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun May 05, 2019 6:32 am

Herbs of youth.JPG
Was this part of the mushroom industry or did they start here and branch out to mushrooms?
The wagon is empty, they must have sold out!
There is so much left unexplained in these old photos. I wish they would have written on the back of them.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun May 05, 2019 10:46 am

That may be the place the peckers hung out? It looks like a quiet street. That poor old buckboard and cow have seen better days


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun May 05, 2019 11:01 am

Many had hoped that this chapter in local history would remained buried forever, but it seems
that is just not going to be the case.

After the second silver panic, Herb Herbston, wiped out in the panic, began agitating against
those he felt responsible for his downfall, and he found a fairly strong following thoughout the
Tri-burg area, even in the upper valley. They called themselves "the Herbies", and for about 12
years, looked to be a viable political movement. They renamed the town "Herbton" and took
over the schools and youth program. Herbs for Youth was the name for the youth group, ages
5-12. They studied, drilled, marched, and swore allegiance to their leader. In the end, the
tranquility of life in the Chugwater basin took the wind out of the sails of the Herbies, and the
fomenting of discontent just faded away before arms were taken up.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun May 05, 2019 1:23 pm

MiffyPoto7183.jpg
MiffyPoto7183.jpg (89.08 KiB) Viewed 19759 times
Actually Herb we are indebted to Miffy for saving hundreds of photos from those day's. Sadly, she wrote the explanations on the front rather than the back which may obscure a bit of the detail. Also her pinmanship wasn't first rate.
Heinrich's interpretation is: "Uncle Stubby at the Smudger near the old Zdranek place that burned down. Sept 3rd of that same year. Freieda baked pies all day."
Sebastian speculate's: " Uncle stable at the Snider's. Sent the old breathing pump they borrowed from Zebb 3rd.Stubby struggled all day."
I have my own theory but will yeild to the other too.
You may recall thet Miffy was the youngster with the mis-placed roller skate in chapter 6. Not sure who Zebb 3rd was.
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun May 05, 2019 7:29 pm

371Bros.jpg
Farley, the janitor, found this by the water-cooler after Sebastian left for the weekend. He thought it might be important.
Rich
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun May 05, 2019 7:40 pm

That looks like barrels of fun.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun May 05, 2019 8:59 pm

Well, the boys made their work as fun and as pleasant as those things can be both for the management and the hired help. The Spring Picnic, Saint Swithin's Day parade and many events helped keep the work ethic high. But above that, their sense of stewardship to the mushroom and the various other nominals and a loyalty to the customers was was far more rembriant than just having a good time.
Papa Pecker had always said "Teach a man to eat a mushroom and you have a friend for life but plant a tree and watch his shrelve forever".
Farley leaves after the 5:30 sweeping so get your cards to him near the plempt.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun May 05, 2019 10:03 pm

Viaduct? Why not a chicken? How about a goose?
geese.JPG
I think this had something to do with Zeppo?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun May 05, 2019 10:42 pm

Is that Papa Pecker at the helm ? The 1911 Hemi-Royde, Model 12 was the Peckers'
first entry into motorized cartage. In a tie-back to Kalamity Dick, it was he, at the
request of all the Peckers, who developed the mushroom gas generator, that enabled
the Hemi-Royde to have an unlimited range out on the road. I believe Rich was given
a photo of that apparatus by Sebastian at the November Uvula League meeting.

Herb - the ponds of goose swill were piped directly to the McDonalds processing/
seasoning factory by the skrid pool. It took Colonel Sanders to put together the eleven
herbs and spices. It took McDonalds to sell fecal spongematter as food and have 'em
lined up around the building to pay full retail for another serving !
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon May 06, 2019 9:51 am

We have these pioneers to thank for all this progress we enjoy today !!
"A pioneer is a man who turned all the grass upside down, strung bob-wire over the dust that was left, poisoned the water, cut down the trees, killed the Indian who owned the land, and called it progress." - C.M. Russell
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon May 06, 2019 2:13 pm

Well said. As a side note it was Kalamity who helped Kermit Russell perfect the famous kernel sander.
“Things Just Keep on Getting Curiouser and Curiouser.”
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon May 06, 2019 2:22 pm

Back to the "Herbs of Youth" photo, there are a number of hints of mysterious details on the Herbal movement in the tri-burg area. For one, note that the wall bulletin states that it's "McGraw's" Herbs of Youth . . . was McGraw a cell leader ? Did he instigate the Herbal movement ?? More, the sign also points to "H.E. Cowgill" . . . although Farley is a junior researcher at the Institute, he did take Sebastian aside to tell him that the individual with the cow (ox ?) hitched to the buckboard is none other than H.E. Cowgill - apparently H.E. was Farley's great-great grandfather on his grandmother's side (she wouldn't roll over, as she snored loudly when on her back - that would wake up the geese). More, Farley is quite sure H.E. assumed the name "Cowgill" when he drifted into the tri-burg area from back east under a cloud. There was a record rainfall of 2.9" that day. Because he preferred oxen for draft animals, locals thought him a bit peculiar, and the name "Cowgill" seemed most appropriate. No one is sure what the initials "H.E." stood for, old man Cowgill never answered to a Christian name, and always referred to himself in the third person . . . "he". Apparently that was another facet of his anonymity when he arrived in Wyoming ? As his arrival more or less coincided with Garfield's assassination, his support of a maverick political movement makes for a lot of questions regarding his prior life back "in the states".

Any further details would be most welcome, Farley plans to place a wreath on H.E.'s grave this St. Swithin's Day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon May 06, 2019 5:24 pm

Many suspicious coincidences in these recent photos.
First, several geese are portrayed in the billboard of the Newk Poster Adv. Co. Then we see many more geese in Herb's later photo. A trend?
Second, H. E. assumes the name Cow-gill on a day when 2.9" of rain falls. Does the animal in said photo have connection to this? Gills perhaps? A mutant?
Third, and obviously the most important, that the synchronicity of the arrival and assassination once thought to be involving a man named McGraw? Not the good Dr. but obviously latter day clairvoyant.
My paranoid predilection suggests either some sort of conspiracy or the illusion of frigmonguring.
I can read the writing on the wall.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue May 07, 2019 8:14 pm

Back to Kalamity Dick and Kermit Russell, the coincidences do indeed mount up. It seems that the kernel sander figured heavily in the production of feed grains intended for the mass raising of domestic fowl, specifically geese. Young goslings fed on sanded kernels of wheat and corn reached market weight three times faster than those fed on conventional feeds. This prompted a retired Prussian military man known as Lieutenant Ludwig to invest. He opened a restaurant in Saddle String where the main offering was a dish based on Ludwig's secret recipe for what he called "Kreise Gans Gebraten", entailing no less than 44 secret herbs and spices. Hopes of operating a wide-spread string of restaurant chains called "Lieutenant Ludwig's Kreise Fried Goose" were dashed as no one else could master the complications of his secret recipe. The restaurant was popular in Saddle String as long as the Lieutanant was in the kitchen, and a subsidiary enterprise, stuffing pillows, mattresses and quilts with goose down did well for a short while, but advancing age and failing health eventually caught up with Ludwig, and the restaurant and goose-feather businesses both faded into history.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue May 07, 2019 10:27 pm

Were mushrooms one of the secret ingredients?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed May 08, 2019 8:59 am

No one knows, Herb. It was a secret.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed May 08, 2019 11:24 am

progress.JPG
Did Kalamity have anything to do with this?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 08, 2019 12:38 pm

Yes, perfect products for finishing the job. Kalamity's "Treatise on tuning the Proctor Confabulator" was printed on special soft paper for that very reason. Folks gained a soft spot in their hearts and other places because of it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu May 09, 2019 1:31 am

Most scholars agree, it was with this invention that paperwork became a crappy job.

--------------------------

Heinrich was pretty excited to find this photo of his Great Stepuncle Phallus Wanknard.
Phallus was a real character that preferred the hobo ways, in spite of owning a solid 90%
interest in the Upper Chugwater coal mines during the boom years. He loved to ride the
rails, and when back in Calhoun County, kept shanty dwellings in most of the towns in the
Tri-burg area. Finkus, Phallus' one-eyed brother, inherited over 70 million dollars from the
estate when Phallus died at the age of 101. A righteous sum in 1941.

Finkus' story is a whole 'nuther story !

KDshanty.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu May 09, 2019 11:06 am

Uncle Lumby told of meeting Phallus in a Hobo camp not far from Cube City. He made the best gopher stew.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu May 09, 2019 3:22 pm

Of interest here, Heinrich just sent a teletype noting that he has been working for months on his monograph on the specific differences between "hobos" "tramps" and "bums". It should be completed and ready for publication by St. Swithin's Day.

Uncle Lumby was quite a cook. I recall enjoying a dish he called "smidgen of pigeon". Not a hunter himself, he satisfied his preference for wild game by utilizing road-kill. He claimed that fricaseed skunk was especially delectable, but I never dared to try it, I couldn't get past the kitchen door on days when he was preparing it. ??? Perhaps you meant Phallus made an excellent gopher stew ? :?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu May 09, 2019 3:24 pm

Goose jerky was on the menu.
geese buthering.JPG

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu May 09, 2019 4:11 pm

Yes, Lumby did not have cooking privileges at the camp. That appears to be Phallus centered with mustache in Herb's photo above unless I missed my guest. Allan, Fredrick and Gismucho to our left or his right as the case may be. We had never met any of them.
I may ad that roller-skates were discouraged at this function also.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri May 10, 2019 12:42 am

The Pecker Bros. were big fans of Phallus Wanknard's cooking, as well as Uncle Lumby's.
They picked up a LOT of road kill while doing their transports, supplying both Phallus' and
Lumby's simmering cauldrons.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Fri May 10, 2019 4:18 am

As I recall, the term "hobo" dates back to the end of the "great unpleasantness", otherwise known as the "Civil War". Thousands of hardworking Southern lads returned to burned out farms, and fields formerly full of rich crops now leased to sharecroppers. With little of the Southern aristocracy left to support them in the lifestyle they had left a few years before, they wandered out to the tool sheds looking for anything to make a buck, and grabbed a hoe. Both tools and laborers were needed all over to rebuild the fields, and a young man with his own hoe had ready work to find. Hence "hoe boy", shortened to "hobo".

Tramps wandered far looking for handouts, not really wanting work, hence, "tramping". Bums stayed somewhere (like a bump on a log), asking for food handouts by holding the handle of a pan they hoped to be filled. Hence "bums", and "panhandling".

There IS a difference.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Fri May 10, 2019 4:21 am

One must recall that in those earlier days before tractors and gang plows, MOST field work was done by men with a hoe.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri May 10, 2019 9:28 am

Wayne, thank you for that concise reprise of the differences between hobos, tramps and bums, but I regret to report that your post has put Heinrich in an emotional state. He feels you have taken the substance of his monograph, and he will have nothing worthwhile to present at the St. Swithin's Day symposium. He has locked himself in the basement of the Institute main building and refuses to come out. He will only talk to Sebastian if he brings him Cheetos and Gatorade. Perhaps a word from you might ease things ? He does have his audio-tellio-tally-o-graph with him, at least until the battery runs down.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri May 10, 2019 10:13 am

Now look what you've done, Wayne ! Why do you always have to be this way ?
You know how Heinrich feels about his Great Stepuncle Phallus !

:roll:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Sat May 11, 2019 5:45 am

Well, if nothing else, I am always good for stirring the pot or otherwise causing trouble!
I will endeavor to contact Heinrich in an effort to smooth things over. Perhaps a flask of Happy Sally would help? I will try to bribe the carrier pigeons (it will take at least two to carry the load). They should arrive well before St Swithins Day!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat May 11, 2019 5:11 pm

Back to the Hobos.
Here are some of the Frugalists at their home:
tarpaper shak.JPG
:They have a bottle of Happy Sally to share with any one who happens to come by.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun May 12, 2019 2:37 am

Many of the world's finest frugalhorn players were born and trained up in the
Chugwater area. Like Terry Kath was to guitar, Fatty Roundbottom (2nd from
left) was considered by elite frugalhorn players to be the best among among
them. Adding showmanship to blistering speed, precise timing, and musical
style, Fatty smoked a stogie and blew smoke through the horn while playing.
Something no other frugalist has been able to match, before or since. Many
said it was his bulb horn-like mid-section that enabled him to pull off such a
feat.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by 46woodduck » Sun May 12, 2019 11:20 am

Few realize that the Frugalhorn worked on the same principle as the Hookah and that part of Fatty Roundbottom's sweet sound was because he always filled it with Happy Sally'
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun May 12, 2019 3:27 pm

The recent mention of Phallus and Finkus Wanknard caught Heinrich's attention and he
got on his surrey to drop by the shop and paw through the trunk of values for a photo he
had seen earlier. Connecting some earlier research in his head, he reports that this photo
shows Remus Wanknard shoveling ash off the roofs of the buildings in downtown Pispacatti-
quattimauken in April of 1882. The mountain had erupted again and everyone far and near
was faced with hauling away tons of the stuff to the nearest ravine.

Remus was born Lu Wing Ho in 1861 in China. Before laws made it no longer possible, Lu
not only changed his legal name, but became a full blown pasty white guy, when he came
through the gates at Elvis Island in 1880. The new "Remus Wanknard" hired on with the rail-
road and followed it out west to help build the Chugwater & Northern to Silver Plume. After
the railroad was completed, Remus opened City Bank, a full service financial institution, but
missed the stenuous work of railroad building. Thusly, whenever Mount Fecklersburg began
shaking and pouring dirt into the sky, Remus was the go-to guy for roof clearing in the downtown
area.

KDrooftop.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun May 12, 2019 6:07 pm

Thanks, Wayne, for ]
]
]

|
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun May 12, 2019 9:43 pm

The Institute before being moved. Before being moved ? You ask. Yes, it is true !

In May of 1892, The Institute was completed, at the corner of Armbruster and Wozniak.
It was a big event for Chugwater. But the sink hole that began as a tiny divit in Grunda
Fulpants backyard soon threatened to swallow up the entire north side of Wozniak, taking
The Institute with it. The community was in a collective tizzy over the impending loss and
meetings were held to create a plan to stem the imminent doom. No one had a good idea.

Most people today never knew The Institute was once in the downtown area. This photo
proves it was indeed so. What few know is how it came to sit on the top of Pilpocket Hill.
As Heinrich explains it, just days before the great hole took the Chugwater landmark, our
own Kalamity Dick, working through the night with a group of townfolk volunteers, used a
still experimental stationary levitation base, combined with his gravitational stimulator with
the gears reversed, and when the people of Chugwater arose on the morning of 10 June, 1901,
found the monolithic edifice gone from town, and now looking down on the entire valley from
atop Pilpocket Hill.

In a tie-in to the previously posted intel about Remus Wanknard, the millions of tons of
volcanic ash dumped on the entire area found a perfect place for disposal in the sinkhole,
and since the final eruption in 1924, no more loss of ground has been reported.

KD would later show his two devices to awed crowds at the 1904 St. Louis World's Fair
beside legendary high voltage insulator mfg. pioneer Fred M. Locke. Toy versions were
given away as promotional items to spectators.

KDinstitute.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun May 12, 2019 10:16 pm

Apologies for the aborted post. I meant to thank Wayne for sending Heinrich the bottle of Happy Sally via carrier pigeon. The friendly libation along with Wayne's cheery note lightened his spirits and put him in a receptive mood, which Burger noted the enthusiasm he displayed for the Wanknard Brothers. I'm happy to say he's back on track. Sorry to say, my audio-teleo-tally-o-graph is not, which accounts for the dropped post. Sebastian tells me repair parts are on back order. I had to resort to conventional means to post this. Looks like carrier pigeons are still the best, most reliable means for long-distance communication.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Mon May 13, 2019 3:44 am

I don't know about those new-fangled audio-teleo-tally-o-graph things.I was always "old school", I mean, the first school I went to was built nearly a hundred years before I was born! I trust the carrier pigeons myself. They usually work hard and make every effort to deliver their messages quickly. It always helps if there is some Happy Sally at the receiving end to encourage them onward! The only time they have failed me was when one of the pigeons caught the croup. One pigeon with the croup can knock you for a loop, but when the whole group in the coop gets the croup? Ever try to feed a pigeon chicken soup?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Tom Hicks » Tue May 14, 2019 12:04 pm

Kalamity pulled up in his '58 Plymouth. It was the car of the future. It would get 26 mpg and run 120 mph! Plus the engine would not need a rebuild for 300,000 miles! And he did not know it yet, but it would pass all future emissions tests. It was the cat's meow, and sixty years later everyone would be driving one.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Tom Hicks » Tue May 14, 2019 12:59 pm

He had pulled into the Tastee Freeze, there she was! Tight jeans, roller skates, he had always wanted Jane. With his new Desoto, he knew he would now have her. He slowly rolled up under the awning and she rolled up notepad in hand.

"What'ull it be?", she asked smiling broadly as she admired his new wheels.

"You in the front seat babe", said Dick.

"My shift isn't over", said Jane.

"This car will do 120", said Dick, I'll have you back in no time!"

"120 mph", exclaimed Jane, "let me in!!!"

Jane jumped in the passenger side and off they went, getting 26 mpg.

"Oh Dick, will it really go 120 ?" she gushed.

"Certainly!", he lied, "hold on".

He opened her up and Jane's dog Spot ran into the road. Dick swerved to avoid the dog and ran head on into an oak tree 4' in diameter at the base. The 100' tall tree toppled over as the car continued on and Dick got it back on the road.

"These cars are well built, really safe, " exclaimed Dick as they continued down the road, "that was like hitting a corn stalk."

"I am getting excited", cried Jane, " 120 mph really does it for me!"

"And", said Dick, "a Desoto will run 300,000 miles between engine rebuilds. They are probably the best car ever built!"

Little did Dick know it, but 95% of the cars on the road in 2020 would be '58 Desotos, and the Desoto would be used as a template to design intergalactic transporters in the future.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue May 14, 2019 9:09 pm

1958 was a transitional year for Kalamity Dick. After Ernie's passing he had been asked to give up the basement. Ma Greeny rented him a room if he would keep up the machinery but it was small and noisy at night. Finally he moved his accumulation of wizardry to the Frickert's second floor. The friction over physics with Einstein had been frustrating. Most of the publications took Albert's side even though history would prove Dick's ideas to be more correct. His atomic theories frightened many. Using vanadium vapor and yogurt would surely have brought the world to it's knees. This left him solitarily playing his kazoo and reading the works of poet Remus Reimer.
1958 was the year of his first obituary. Although somewhat upset he did go to the service. Many thought anyone who accomplished that much in his lifetime would be elderly if not deceased. His lack of productivity didn't help much.
KDappt.jpg
As for the Plymouth, it was given to Spillman's Grandson when he went to college. By then the left rear door would not open while the right rear wouldn't stay shut. Since reverse had quit working he was given special parking privileges but unpopular with the other students.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed May 15, 2019 10:26 am

It must have been about that time a reporter for the Medicine Bow Post-Intelligencer approached Cuthbert Maddox for an interview of his reminiscences of Kalamity Dick. Cuthbert was incensed, and told him rumors of Dick's death were highly exaggerated. Maddox jumped in his trusty '28 DeSoto pickup and headed for Chugwater to see Dick. Shortly thereafter, the pair headed out toward the Bighorn Range and were lost to history. As with so many legendary characters, some claim Dick is still alive in those high mountain passes, now and then campers find freshly abandoned campsites where a few empty Happy Sally bottles and scattered nuts and bolts hint at Dick-like activity. Others claim to hear the haunting strains of a kazoo echoing through the pines . . .
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 15, 2019 12:54 pm

Perhaps that explains this pickup we found rust hunting in that area. When we went back with a tow truck it was no longer there.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri May 17, 2019 7:50 am

Perhaps one of Dick's most forgotten areas of expertise was in fashion design.
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Here is a photo of the early design of alligator shoes. They never quite caught on.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri May 17, 2019 8:22 am

That's true, Herb. Being invariably fond of animals of all species, Kalamity Dick overlooked the disadvantages of employing live alligators for footwear. Although ingenious in concept, most folks found dealing with cranky 'gators (and having to feed them) outweighed the advantages of self-propelled waterproof foot-wear. The photograph is of Ignatius Fogswogle, who enthusiastically adopted Dick's new shoe design. Fogswogle was a Georgia politician and land development schemer whose campaign slogan "Drain the swamp !" failed to get him elected in the 1902 governor's race. He is holding a copy of plans and blueprints for draining the Okeefenokee to construct an amusement park connected to a golf course and model community. Tragically, he lost his life in quicksand on a surveying excursion in 1906 when his shoelaces came undone, and his shoes left him stranded in mid-swamp.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri May 17, 2019 8:59 am

Yes, "Innovation" was Kalamity's middle name. W.C. Fields mentioned Dick's use of Octopus tentacles (careful how you spell it) for non skid tires. He followed with "A cruel thing to do. I wish I had thought of it". Fogswogle was bookkeeper for Precision Machine & Ox-shoeing after giving up politics. Few remember that interesting fact. Allegations that he had been spiking the tuna fish forced him to change vocations. He vowed to find the Alligators and bring them to justice. Now the shoe was no the other foot as we say over home.
Almost Happy Hour.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri May 17, 2019 10:19 am

A small thing to niggle over, but I find it interesting that Dick's full name has been previously posted as "Richard J. Klamithofer". Doubtless this lapse was owing to someone's difficult-to-read handwriting, where often "J" and "I" are confounded. Sebastian has been poring over birth certificates and passport applications for months now, and was pleased to report we can now with confidence state that Kalamity Dick's full name is "Richard Innovation Klamithofer". I'm especially pleased Rich brought this up, as I try to be meticulous about dotting my "T's" and crossing my "I's". Happy hour ? Guess I'll join the gang down at Ernie's as soon as I finish this !! (Happy Hour !! My favorite thing !!)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri May 17, 2019 12:08 pm

I believe ' "Innovation" was Kalamity's middle name' was just an expression like "Lucky Strike means fine tobacco" or "If it isn't a Model T it's just an old car". Much has been assumed by this name-tag presented in Chapter one, October 08, 2018, on the old forum. We all know Dick weighed more than 130 and he couldn't have been born on 7-15-03 given the time frames of many events presented herein. It's also doubtful Dick was in Worland on October 22 of any year, especially 1933 during the Melborn kazoo concerts. You are right that we be meticulous but it's difficult to dot my Ts with my eyes crossed. Then again, Bankers can't be choosers.
Thanks for any additional corrections.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri May 17, 2019 1:32 pm

Rich, thanks for posting that detail of the famous KD "mug shot" from Worland. Much has been made of it over the years, and it's quite a puzzle, given the inconsistencies it presents. One of the problems I have with it (aside from the date of birth, and the fact that we know for certain that KD was at the Melborn Kazoo Festival in 1933) is that it's difficult to tell from the mug plate if that's a "B" or an "H". Is it possible this is a strange coincidence, wherein KD had a doppelgänger with a similar name, i. e. "KlamitBofer", who ran afoul of the law in Worland back in '33 ? More research is indicated.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat May 18, 2019 9:36 am

Good point Rich. That may indeed be a mug shot. I had just assumed it was a humorous name tag at the Larkvonnet family reunion held in October. Chester, Scrimshaw, Roderick, Waxford, Melony and Beatrice were always making it a lively event. Herminitude could not wrap her head around the gaiety but made delicious green jello salad.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun May 19, 2019 7:57 am

We are still waiting for the report on this one!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun May 19, 2019 1:45 pm

Later that same day. Could it have been a disgruntled waiter from the Terminal Cafe?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun May 19, 2019 3:31 pm

I believe these are before and after pictures of Leland Bumfroth, who was indeed a waiter in the Terminal Cafe for a short while. His duties included serving up the fancy "flambé" dishes such as flaming shish-kebab, plum pudding and the like. Something of a wag, Leland laughed himself silly at the proposition of "fire crackers" which he thought would be right in his line of work. He was entirely unacquainted with fireworks of any kind, and did not realize he was supposed to throw the firecracker immediately upon lighting he fuse. One might speculate Leland was expecting something as pleasant as "cherries jubilee", but the second photo shows the tragic result of his misunderstanding of pyrotechnics.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon May 20, 2019 1:37 am

Leland was the one who coined the term "Big Bang Theory". Look it up.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 22, 2019 12:39 pm

Meanwhile inside the terminal cafe:
"Where's that Leland Bumfroth?"
"There's a fly in my jubilee!"
and
"Did you here something outside?"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Thu May 23, 2019 4:00 am

I don't know why? But I just HAD to laugh!
Thanks. I needed that.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu May 23, 2019 8:32 am

Glad to hear it Wayne. It's good to know others are enjoying this.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri May 24, 2019 6:34 pm

A short interlude here - yes, thank you, Wayne, for your interest in the history of Kalamity Dick, and all the interesting characters and fascinating episodes they were involved in. I'm quite sure you are not the only forum member who has gained historical perspectives and additional insight into the fascinating epoch of the last century and a half.

At first I was a little annoyed that a couple of posts to the OT section seemed to be even further removed from our principal topic than usual, until Heinrich brought my attention to a note scribbled on a scrap of paper-bag, which had lain un-discovered for decades at the bottom of a tool-box which an anonymous donor claimed once belonged to Kalamity Dick. The tool-box was in a back-log of artifacts awaiting authentication before being presented to the public in the Institute's display wing. Forthwith, the contents of the note, signed by Kalamity Dick - the signature has been verified by Seigfried as authentic, and Sebastian concurs. :

April 16, 1920
Returning to CHugwater from the Maddox ranch this morning, I was surprised by the unmistakable sound of music which seemed to be emanating from the right-rear tire of the raceabout. Tempo of the music changed with my rate of travel, and of course stopped altogether when I pulled over to the side of the road. The tune seemed to be a hummed version of the popular song, "Ain't She Sweet". I examined the right rear tire, which I found had worn down to the cording. The tire is an off-brand make which says "Oldfield Cord" on the sidewall, and beneath the 30"x3-1/2" inscription, "India Rubber". Resuming my journey, I found the catchy tune resumed at 28-32 mph, would pick up tempo until the car reached approximately 38mph, at which point the sound changed to "doo-wop - doo-wop". Owing to road conditions and a loose rod, I refrained from speeding, and enjoyed the tune at a sensible 25 mph for the rest of the trip. The possibility of one's tires providing musical entertainment to motorists is definitely worth looking into. Whether it is owing to the "Oldfield Cord" or the India Rubber, that is the question. More study is indicated. I'll definitely be looking into this as soon as the Kaphistulator de-rangements are put to bed.
(signed) Richard I. Klamithofer

Unfortunately, the histories reveal that the Kaphistulator problem occupied most of Dick's waking hours from mid-April 1920 through the fall of 1921. There is no record he ever re-visited the intriguing problem of "cords for popular songs" or India rubber. Perhaps further research will yield more information on the subject, but it may well be that Dick grew tired of that problem, and never did any more work on it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri May 24, 2019 7:00 pm

I'm not sure this has anything to do with that but this tire was found behind Ernie's by Hooey Knudson on clean-up Saturday. A tag was wired to it reading "In the key of "C".
Probably just a coincidence like rain on St. Swithin's Day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat May 25, 2019 4:12 am

chief flat rire.JPG
I'm not sure how this fits in, but it was found in one of the rooms that Kalamity's cousin once stayed at in the Chugwater boarding house when he was in town for a visit later in life.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat May 25, 2019 9:02 am

Dressed in beautiful attire is one of our Native Americans who lived along the Flats near the Firestone River. Knowing the "White Man's Skunk Wagon Heap No Good" he still offered to change flats tires when needed with his wooden tire tools. Folk lore told of the smoke belching conveyance that sung a happy song as it sped along the pathway.
With a name like Eagle I was assumed to be Indian much of my childhood and even to this day, acquiring the pride and dignaughty that came with it. Some at school and work called me "Redfeather".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat May 25, 2019 10:10 am

We also know that Kalamity Dick was most particular in his dress. One of his favorites was the famous "Oldfield Cords" that he helped refine the weaving machinery for Barney himself. The two of them became fast friends but fierce rivals on the Squamish arena.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat May 25, 2019 11:08 am

Many people do not know that Barney Oldfield was a kazoo virtuoso, another endeavor he had in common with KD. Oddly, neither Oldfield nor KD wore corduroy trousers. They both hated that "zip-zip" sound as they walked. Nonetheless, they were very popular for many years during that period. As one might expect, Oldfield's looms were the fastest in the industry, thanks to KD's applied improvements.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat May 25, 2019 1:27 pm

Right you are Rich. And isn't this photo appropriate for this weekend? Barney failed to qualify for the 1915 "Indy" so he and Dick made a couple of impromptu laps playing "Tip Toe Through the Tulips". With puffs of cigar smoke coming out of the former's kazoo the crowd came to it's feet and cheered for a solid 15 minutes. Order was finally restored and the race was started. Noel Van Raalte couldn't stop singing for the first 112 laps but couldn't be heard so not much was made of it. Eddie Rickenbacker confessed later that the pair of kazooists had brought him to tears.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat May 25, 2019 2:35 pm

Most listeners who were lucky enough to hear the pair of them harmonize on their kazoos were brought to tears.

Interestingly, as we look deeper into the tire cord/popular song phenomenon, veiled references in the memoirs of other drivers of the period infer that hearing music from one's tires was more widespread than we thought at first. It seems the paving brick of the Indy track was given to produce syncopations in musical scores which may account for Ralph dePalma's preference for ragtime.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat May 25, 2019 7:17 pm

DePalma - Swiss wasn't he? You know the Alpine yodelers could change register several times in only a few seconds and at a high volume without even the hint of any tire noise. Repeated alternation between registers at a singer's passaggio pitch range produces a very distinctive sound much like a loose skimmer pulley on the verabuke prehambler.
Ahhh! the sounds of machinery.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun May 26, 2019 9:42 pm

Der Jodelklub.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun May 26, 2019 9:45 pm

Played backwards a double speed, you have Beethoven's 3rd Symphony in D Minor. From 1905, until her
death in 1951, Grunda Pulpants led the Uvula League summer concert tour, thrilling audiences of all ages
doing just that. The tradition is carried on today by Grunda's grandson, Clerd Finklebytner and his all-star
kazoo backup band. They played the Umpteenth Annual Spudfest this weekend in Spokane.

Clerd.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun May 26, 2019 9:54 pm

Thanks Herb. A lovely group pose with the Upper Alps in the background. Groucho liked to say the Lower Alps those who help themselves.
And a fabulous photo of Clerd in corduroy. What could make a day any better?
Thanks as always.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon May 27, 2019 8:18 am

Re/Herb's photo, Cuthbert Maddox had a horse named Jo-Del; he won every race he entered from Chugwater to the Medicine Line back in the day. Any connection ? I understand the animal had a remarkably musical "whinny".

It's wonderful to see Clerd Finklebytner carrying on a proud tradition. Concert kazooists were declared an endangered species in 1985.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon May 27, 2019 8:32 am

Wasn't Joe Delklub Assistant editor of the "Precision Machine & Ox-shoeing Journal" in the late 30s to the Nantahala Mountain indecent?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon May 27, 2019 9:19 am

Long-time readers of Precision Machine & Ox-shoeing Journal were unhappy when Joe Delklub was promoted to assistant editor. By then, Kalamity Dick had ceased contributing to the journal, complaining that Joe's editing made his articles nonsensical. The fact that Delklub was a poor speller added to Dick's annoyance. Delklub's only qualification for the position was the year he had spent sweeping the floor for a local blacksmith, and straightening bent nails removed from used ox shoes. After the Natahala Mtn. Indecent, editor Binford Stroschlap was forced to fire him. Things went rapidly downhill from there.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon May 27, 2019 10:23 am

As a small child, I remember "old Gramma Pittipoo" telling stoppersby to her porch on
Pispacattiquauttimawken Avenue not to be too hard in our thinking about Joe Delklub,
as it was the miners strike that dried up the source for letters at the Alphabet Mine,
forcing nearly all publications to economize their use. Joe just happened to choose to
leave out every other letter to scrimp. He could just as easily have chosen odd or even
spacing. When it was later discovered a closed valve at the Vowel Mill was actually an
act of sabotage by the union miners, THAT was when the Nantahala Mountain Massacre
and subsequent trial happened. At least, that is how Gramma Pittipoo said it happened.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon May 27, 2019 12:10 pm

And as rumor has it even when they got the valve open the main gear-case was consonantpated.
Gramma Pittipoo made the best Pine-Nut Macaroons.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon May 27, 2019 4:01 pm

Gramma Pittipoo's secret came from her late husband, who was lost in the Great War.
His statue still stands at the base of Euclid, by the ferry wharf. Hercule Farnsworth
Baconeater came to the U.S. in 1902, only to return fo his native France to fight in the
trenches. Actually, he dug the trenches, as he had been a lifelong macaroon miner and
baker. With a sixth sense for finding high quality macaroon ore where others failed, he
was even able to make a fortune as a trench digger during the conflict. His demise came
way too early, and Gramma Pittipoo never remarried, but carried on the tradition of world
class macaroon making until she passed in 1951 at the age of 114. She was another colorful
character in the history books of the Chugwater region.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon May 27, 2019 10:24 pm

Back to the musical topic.
Perhaps some one struck a bad cord before this happened.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue May 28, 2019 2:57 am

A shot from the Chugwater 500, I believe the 1913 race. The number 3 car was owned
and driven by Grootnig MaGroo. It was this incodent that brought him the nickname "Ol
Two-Spoke MaGroo" that most folks are familiar with. In spite of stopping to take the photo,
MaGroo was able to not only finish the race on three wheels, but win it !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue May 28, 2019 7:39 am

The last time I heard from Kalamity Dick was when he was at the Indy 500, playing his kazoo and puffing cigar smoke....was he not able to make bail?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue May 28, 2019 8:25 am

Thanks for asking Perry. Dick's quiet, studious nature often keeps him from the limelight. He actually was fine tuning the 504 flackenpoth during the Chugwater 500.
As for MaGroo's mishap, his spokesman, Shakey Bob Shelleen, apologize profusely for the wheel problem but demanded his share of the prize money so he could purchase a box of Chiclets (that dainty mint covered candy covered chewing gum, really delightful). No relation to Shakey Bob the Barber or Kid Shelleen as far as we can tell.
A humorous story about Grootnig MaGroo was the time he fell off the Second Street Trolley trying to impress Maggy Schmedly by dancing on the handrail. It seemed like every time he visited Clancey's someone would bring it up and is often started a ruckus.
Oops!, time for my Salvarsan.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue May 28, 2019 4:53 pm

Shakey Bob more than deserved his share of the prize money. Grootnig had looped a rope around the left-rear corner of Number 3's frame, and made Shakey Bob stand in the mechanic's seat facing backwards, pulling on the rope for the remainder of the race. That's how he was able to win on only three wheels.

Bob's investment in Chiclets had less to do with delightful minty freshness than concerns about his wheel-building. (Although it was definitely plus ! Shelleen was plagued by halitosis) After the Chugwater 500 debacle, Shelleen set each spoke tenon and hub in chewing gum in every wheel he built. He never had another wheel failure.

An interesting aside, MaGroo adopted a phonetic spelling of his surname while seeking gold during the 1898 Yukon gold rush. Seems there was another personality there at the time who was known as "Dangerous Dan McGrew", and Grootnig wanted everyone to be assured they shared no kinship.

Rich, I hope your sleeping sickness improves. Keep taking the Salvarsan. I'm told it's good for other ailments as well.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue May 28, 2019 11:17 pm

I always loved the old roadside signs for Salvarsan:

"Take Salvarsan in the PM, for BM in the AM !"

Honestly, I think some good macaroons would improve any condition that ails you !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 29, 2019 10:11 am

Misinterpreting the term, Edwin Wanknard raised Makiroons for a short time. The main problem was getting the Mackinaw in the right mood.
Those early teens were nutty times weren't they?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed May 29, 2019 10:33 am

The Wanknard farm was THE place around Calhoun County to see crazy critters.
Amos Freeloader worked a couple summers there applying the ultra-sticky "glue"
to the fences (to make sure the critters never escaped). He shared these photos
with the others at the retirement center.

african mountain pug.jpg
african mountain raven.jpg
african mountain raven.jpg (34.79 KiB) Viewed 19023 times
zebra ant.jpg
zebra ant.jpg (78.84 KiB) Viewed 19023 times

As a brief aside and tie-in, it was Kalamity Dick who developed the sticky goo for
the Wandnards, after the County Council passed an ordinance. Neighbors were a
little concerned after his critters got loose and ate up all their munkberry bushes.
Munkberry moon delight is a local favorite and sales were decimated after that
incident.

Teens of all ages are nutty, aren't they ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 29, 2019 5:43 pm

Those are some of the hansom ones.
It's too bad sales fell. It was quite popular out our way and they had a variety of flavors.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed May 29, 2019 7:13 pm

The munkberry famine hit the tri-burg area very hard. This photo from the archives shows Ma Furstenwurst's fruit cellar after she donated all the munkberry moon she had on hand to St. Swithin's Orphanage in Saddlestring. Rumor has it she held back one can of munkberry moon ( kidney bean flavor ) for Kalamity Dick when he made his monthly call. Dick had to eat the whole can of it at one sitting while hiding down in her cellar to keep the hoarders from getting it. A bronze plaque above the cellar door commemorated the event until it was turned in during the WWII scrap drives. Widgeon Schufelt provided a photo of it for the Institute's archives. Sigfreid is currently decoding it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu May 30, 2019 9:31 am

That photo puts me in mind of Mother Hubbard's cupboards.
I recall that Ma Furstenwurst was awfully fond of Cuthbert Maddox. Heinrich found this photo of him during his motorcycle phase. We think he and Kalamity might have modified it a bit.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu May 30, 2019 9:36 am

Is that a cowboy abusing an Indian again!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu May 30, 2019 12:28 pm

Johnny Carson interviewed Jay Silverheels as if he were applying for a job as Tonto. I can't find the video from the normal sources but here is the written version. Hilarious in my opinion.
https://www.tapatalk.com/groups/thecave ... t1604.html
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu May 30, 2019 5:38 pm

Once again we must give high praise to Heinrich for his massive skills as a researcher. As Cuthbert's motorcycle phase only lasted for one single afternoon, that photo is likely the rarest item in the archives. Trouble began when the motorcycle's engine lugged into a stall as Cuthbert attempted to shift out of first gear. Rather than dropping the clutch and giving some throttle, he jabbed both spurs into the "flanks" of the machine, catching one rowel in the drive chain, which locked up the rear wheel. That put the motorcycle into a spin which threw Cuthbert off as the cycle heeled over on its side. Following the cowboy code (get right back on when you're thrown) he mounted the motorcycle once more, and all went reasonably well until he reached that curve in the road leading up to Ma Furstenwurst's place. Heading in too fast for the curve, Cuthbert soothed "Whoa, whoa . . . WHOA !" as he pulled back on the handlebars, which only opened the throttle further. Of course the machine didn't respond to his spoken command; instead it speeded up with that pull on the throttle. Maddox took out twenty feet of Ma's white picket fence before he got the motorcycle stopped. Those who knew him claimed Cuthbert could "ride anything with hair" - that may have been true, but just as likely the problem as well, since he was riding one very bald Indian. It is curious, considering all of the adventures Maddox shared with Kalamity Dick, and how that association had certainly accustomed him to machinery of all types. In his later years, he owned and drove a Model T Ford without mishap, although he always preferred horses. Perhaps his difficulty was in riding that mechanical contraption astride, like a horse ? Some habits are just too hard to break, I suppose. Any road, that was the one and only time he ever "threw a leg over" anything other than a pony.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Jun 01, 2019 8:36 am

There was a brief period of time when Kalamity went on a motorcycle tour :
thor.jpg
It was in the winter time and it was so cold that it froze him right off of the bike!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Jun 01, 2019 9:08 am

Yes, this was in his younger daze. He couldn't afford a motorcycle but Masterful Machinist Magazine sponsored him and furnished the Thor Model 13U 61-cubic inch, 50-degree v-twin shown in the photo. -30° did pose a problem in Toledo. His muckalucks also got caught in the chain slowing his progress. Sebastian is looking for more info even as we speak.
More Later.
Thanks for posting this.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Jun 01, 2019 9:57 am

Regarding KD''s motorcycle daze, Sebastian just sent this gem over the teletype:
Enduring brutal sub-zero temperatures and near impassable winter roads, he rode the cycle for 36 hours non-stop between Toledo and Elyria. The Toledo pennant came in handy, he cut patches from it to repair his mukluks. Weary and chilled to the bone, when he rolled up to the hotel, an excited bystander hollered at him, "Holy Toledo ! Are you the Thor representative ?" To which Dick replied, "I'm tho thore I can't thit down !" His spirits quickly revived over a flagon of hot, buttered Happy Sally.
More details will follow soon.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Jun 01, 2019 1:21 pm

How soon people forget the papers left behind from Kalamity Dick's commencement speech,
given at The Institute to the graduating class of 1911 on the potential of two-wheeled winter
travel. During the summers of 1909 and 1910, a visiting Mitchell "Mickey" Mousetrap (from
Floatbowl, Florida) and KD sipped and supped on the organic fares of Mickey's beloved aunt,
and Saddlestring native Beulah Bumstead, discussing all nature of matters under the old oak
tree in Pelican Park. From these talks came forth the narrative that would be the pair's thesis
of two-wheeled winter travel. KD later admitted that the Happy Sally *may* have been an
influence in them overlooking the part about lower temperatures.

Beulah Bumstead, of course, is known throughout the land for her bottled concoction of
Bumstead's Worm Syrup, that claimed to kill 100 worms with every bottle. Also claimed, ....
"Children cry for more". Who doesn't remember the crying children ? I have a bottle of it here
still. I'll try and get a photo.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:19 am

I was able to locate my bottle of Bumstead's Worm Syrup.

<- One bottle has killed 100 worms ->

<- Children cry for more ->

<- Just try it ->

fullsizeoutput_6d1.jpeg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jun 02, 2019 8:51 am

It's great to see the bottle. Be cautious of those alien saucers. If it makes children cry it's got to be good.
Stranger than fiction.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Jun 02, 2019 10:27 am

The biggest problem with the worm syrup is trying to get it into their tiny little mouth! Did you ever try to hold a worm and pour that stuff down their throat?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jun 02, 2019 2:06 pm

So SAD to have worms. The bad breath, the furrowed tongue. It's all too much to bear.

Thank goodness for Beulah Bumstead and her magic worm syrup !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Jun 03, 2019 9:03 am

Here is one reaction to finding out one has worms.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jun 03, 2019 7:49 pm

Pantomime and puppetry with musical versions of the poems. Dick was delighted.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Tue Jun 04, 2019 3:23 am

Do ya ever think
when the hearse goes by,
that you may be the next to die?
They wrap you up
in a big white sheet,
and plant ya down about six feet deep.

The worms crawl in,
the worms crawl out.
The worms play pinochle on your snout.
They use your tongue as a diving board,
and swim around in your vocal chord.


Ah, poetry. I do love the classics!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Jun 04, 2019 7:51 am

Here are some of the guys down at the shop:
Balsan of myrrh.JPG
They seem to be big users of Balsam of Myrrh. I don't think it went over as well as Happy Sally or Bumsted's worm medicine but it had its place I suppose for busted knuckles. I think those are posters at the bottom of the door for Sloan's Linament. It looks like the rats chewed on them!

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