OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Apr 10, 2023 5:10 pm

Even without Duke Fitzellwitz there to enjoy it, the house band never got tired of playing Coffee Barrel Polka regardless of the name asked for.
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Each round of drinks made it sound better and better. When neighbors came in to complain they got caught up in the fun and often ordered refreshments for the band. Some nights it could have gone into the next day and beyond except for the spittoon attendant asking for a recess.
Even three-toed Van Tiskenburg got up and joined in.
One sight I won't soon forget.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:34 am

The boys in the band had worked up a "hot jazz" version of "The Hokey Pokey" that required a very high level of terpsichoric skill of anyone daring to take to the dance floor during a performance.

Many a corsage was mashed, and not a few ankles sprained or broken as daring dancers gyrated in the blizzard of sawdust flung into the air as they strove to keep up with the frenetic pace of the jazzed-up favorite.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 13, 2023 2:26 pm

It may be interesting to note that Gimpy and the Pioneers was often the house band at Ernie's. They caused many a mishap toward dancers on the floor.
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Gimpy was born in a backwoods cabin 3 miles south of Hodgenville, Kentucky. He served valiantly in the paprika offensive but sadly was hit by fragments of an enemy trajectile. Not receiving proper care, the injury plagued him for the rest of his musical career. He was presented with the Pillsbury cross, the medal of inquisition and the iron trapezoid. Some of the tunes he dreamed up brought both consolation and inspiration to the troupes during skirmishes.
Ernie was quite fond of him and gave him free reign of the pickled eggs.
"Roaming near the Hollows" is still one of my favorites.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Apr 13, 2023 10:01 pm

I wonder if Stan Howe knew of him.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Apr 14, 2023 11:49 am

Yes, not only did Stan enjoy his songs but he rebuilt the E-carb on his Hupmobile. 6v 200 amp with speakers.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Apr 21, 2023 9:04 am

The Electro Magneto Molecular Fuel Defrizzenator was a huge factor in Hupmobile's early success. Though the company never properly credited the inventor of the innovative device, the ingenious electro-mechanical instrument itself was capable of instantly de-frizzenating even low test fuels of doubtful provenance in the coldest of weather while making water wetter and automatically rewinding film without risk of inadvertent exposure.

The device's high sensitivity to Hertzian Waves allowed it to pull in even distant stations, thus providing the motorist with early warning of thunderstorms and potentially dangerous deluges ahead as well as general information, light banter, music, comedy, and timely baseball scores. Fidelity was excellent, and the robust volume permitted public performances of broadcast orchestral performances, should the motorist have so desired.

With consistent cold starting assured, even the daintiest of neophyte lady motorists was assured of a trouble free automotive excursion on every occasion, with the further assurance of faster accelleration, higher top speeds, and astoundingly frugal fuel economy.

Of course, The Big Oil Barons in New York City soon got wind of the device, and moved swiftly to suppress it. Under the guise of a "Free Inspection Programme", Big Oil agents posing as mechanics removed the devices from vehicles and replaced them with cheap, "gyp" carburetor devices of the most pedestrian sort, thus depriving the motoring public of the device's sundry benefits.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed May 03, 2023 7:55 am

02.JPG
What is it.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun May 07, 2023 7:50 pm

It may be an early electric hamburger flipper. Test for traces of ketchup, mustard, or mayo to acertain.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 10, 2023 9:35 pm

Guessing from the Scraggs & Biffin impellor and the french-cut ratchets, I would assume it to be a beef morsel extractor from the oyster steak era. Ed Larkvonnet had a shop two blocks South of Ernie's, and he was known for refining that art. The Cecile Sandwich was in demand during the deadlift competitions.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu May 11, 2023 9:32 am

Ed Larkvonnet was a highly successful entrepreneur who always seemed to be ahead of the curve to make a quick buck off of the fads and fashions of the era. Noting the excess of beef morsels on a visit to Cuthbert's ranch during branding, he applied the extractor with good effect. The oyster sized morsels were perfect size for the ever-popular Cecile Sandwich. Cuthbert's dogs were unimpressed, however.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu May 11, 2023 8:31 pm

A detailed history of Tri-Burg eating establishments and fads in food preferences would be an interesting read. For certain, Ed Larkvonnet would figure prominently in such an account. When sales of beef morsels began dropping off and interest in the Celine Sandwich was flagging, Ed nimbly turned his attention to poultry. Coming up with a tasty broiled filet served on a bun with a garnish of lettuce, tomato, and a choice of tasty sauces, Ed promoted his "Rooster Filet" with clever enthusiasm and it was an instant success. Ernie resisted the change, and encounters with Ed got quite heated. Ernie claimed that Ed "didn't have the balls" to stick with the Celine Sandwich, and it was partly true. It seems Cuthbert's calf crop that year had yielded mostly heifers. Photo shows Ed in costume, about to walk a route in Medicine Bow with sandwich boards on, to promote his Rooster Filet enterprise.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu May 11, 2023 9:27 pm

Any one know why chickens are ugly.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu May 11, 2023 10:44 pm

Why? They're Aliens from beyond the undiscovered moons of Saturn, that's why. A sub-reptilian offshoot of the Lizard People, these so-called chickens had been secretly sent here via the Atomic Reformer Transporter Plasmatron to spy on us and report back to their Reptilian overlords. The Lizard People (Ancient Aliens) had intended to blow up the Earth, but when they were accidentally exposed to several episodes of Wheel of Fortune, they became so beguiled with the high tension drama of the televised game show that they shelved their nefarious plans and became cable subscribers instead. Vanna White Clubs have become common among the unregistered moons of Saturn.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri May 12, 2023 7:51 am

Nope, that is not the answer I heard.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat May 13, 2023 4:29 pm

Nobody here but us chickens

Nobody here at all....

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun May 14, 2023 1:49 pm

Which brings us to the age-old question, Which came first? The chicken or the Coupe. We all know Coupe is originally a French word (commonly spelt coupé) which was first used to describe carriages which had their rear-facing seats removed. Merriweather Coupé built an ox-drawn one from palm branches which had accumulated after the holiday. Perhaps 232 AD. This was about the time Gergetairians crossed wild red junglefowl with the Mediterranean Itsumade. Since the Pythagorean calendar had only 7 months of 42 to 43 days alternating in alphabetical order, it can't be established which or when occurred first. Thus, the ongoing question. Not all science is as cut and dried as the advantage of water pumps, which too were invented by the Pythagoreans.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Sun May 14, 2023 4:34 pm

Wanted to comment on the question but chickened out..
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon May 15, 2023 10:08 am

It's quite alright Leo. If I might egg you on, please do come out of your shell and comment, even if the yolk is on us. Dozens of posts to this topic have been a bit scrambled, some have even been poached from other sources, but there's good information if you comb through it all. The collective effort is something to crow about ! It really hasn't taken a lot of courage to pullet off.

Photo is Elmer Larkvonnet, who first applied the scientific method in the production of chicken jerky, proving some science is indeed cut and dried.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon May 15, 2023 10:25 am

There can be no doubt that roosters crow, but do crows rooster?

It seems clear that roosters roost, but what about chickens? Are chickens yet another underserved community?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Tue May 16, 2023 4:43 am

Thanks Rich, that was what i needed, now i see things sunny side up again !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 17, 2023 5:13 pm

As it turned out, it wasn't the Bluebonnet Plague that Elmer had but just a case of the Screaming Meemies. He did recover in time to give the address at the opening of the Regatta. 308 7th Street as I recall. It did leave him with a speech impediment pronouncing 7s "Aight".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Wed May 17, 2023 8:26 pm

Just a side note on the "cafestrator". Neutered coffee never caught on in spite of KD's refinements. Decades later the public seemed to embrace "decaf", but no one knows for sure exactly why. :roll:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu May 18, 2023 10:01 am

Some say that agents of Big Postum, using the new mass media, Radio, launched a cleverly crafted campaign to convince the public that caffiene was a primary driver of baldness, Climate Change, and ingrown bellyhair.
Entrenched ceral grain interests, working with the nefarious Dr. Kellog, poured big money into the campaign, which had considerable success. The Labor Department reported a significant downturn in productivity among urban clerical workers along with a substantial increase in incidents involving nodding off night shift workers.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu May 18, 2023 12:23 pm

A brewhaha over caffeine was grounds for legislation after a coffee factory worker died, falling into a vat of coffee. He really got creamed. Police say that it came as a shock to all who knew him. But they may take some relief from the fact he didn’t suffer. It was instant. He had to be identified by mug shots. An autopsy was ordered, and he was decoffinated. Just one way to perk up the daily grind.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue May 23, 2023 3:35 pm

We suspect it was the Hoffensplitzer Brothers that improved the Scraggs & Biffin impellor brackets. Their shop behind the skiddworks gave birth to many valuable creations.
Hoffen.jpg
Kalamity Dick had the vanadium gilderfluke housings fabrcoblled there. Auggie was a master at prestothwackatation.
And who couldn't pass up Agatha's lemon meringue?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Jun 04, 2023 10:33 am

The secret to Agatha's lemon meringue was the lemon extractor and meringue kapitulator that Kalamity Dick designed for her
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Jun 04, 2023 7:31 pm

Long-time readers of these annals will be interested in this early photo of little Coriander Hoffensplitzer. The Hoffensplitzer clan were half-cousins of the Larkvonnet tribe. Doubtless their egregious curiosity and creative bent were owing to shared genetics. Coriander maintained that his cat, Orpheus made his wagon invisible.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Jun 04, 2023 7:37 pm

Coriander's brother, Bellerophon Hoffensplitzer was the practical element in the fraternal partnership. Decades of ruminating on Coriander's childish fantasy led Bellerophon to devise clever animal camoflage for large trucks. He abandoned the feline principle, realizing kittens were too small to disguise a five-ton truck.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Mon Jun 05, 2023 5:11 am

Here's Bellerophons Naval camoflage version, can you spot the aircraft carrier ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Jun 05, 2023 9:51 am

It was a matter of getting enough kittens. During the War Years, with many kittens serving "Over there", as well as aboard All the Ships At Sea, it was necessary to turn to Barnum & Bailey for used elephants. The aging elephants, while needing no training, proved to be a maintenence burden. It was reported that any one of them "Could out-eat any ten army mules".

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jun 07, 2023 12:55 pm

Point well taken as per kittens and elephants.
Thanks Pat.
Things being what they were, all patriots did their part to help the cause. Shown here, little miss Pheobie Glistendorph offered her pets to not only camouflage the gadgetry but warm the meringue overnight.
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Rumor was that Auggie dated Pheobie's older Sister for a short time after commencement. That was the shady time of the year on the South slope.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Jun 07, 2023 1:05 pm

Three blind mice; three matched cats; celebrities overdosing in threes... plus three more matched cats ... a puzzle for the Numerologists, to be sure.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Jun 07, 2023 11:00 pm

Everyone knows that elephants are scared of mice. I think the cats are there to protect the girl from the stampeding pachyderms.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jun 08, 2023 1:49 pm

That brings to mind the old paraboil of the elephant and the mouse.
One fine day an elephant was tromping through the boscage when he stepped on a vanadium splinter from the knurling wheel. It pushed deeply into the cologin between lunar metatarcile and the flimbone. Try as he may, he could not shake or rub it loose. Walking on it would only drive it further in. He sat for hours and cried out in pain from time to time. A country mouse returning from a weekend in the city heard the cries from a distance. Not a great distance. Say from the corner of Ernie's bar to the porch of the terminal cafe. Coming closer, he could see the elephant suffering from some distress. Being so much smaller, the mouse hesitated to intervein but felt a great deal of sympathy for the large mammal. Finally, he approached the beast and inquired what the grief was."
"I have an awful sharp shard in my hoof and can't begin to get it out." he wailed.
The mouse thought for a bit. "Let me see what I can do. Be careful not to stomp on me."
"I won't hurt you. Just help me please." the elephant moaned.
The mouse pulled and tugged but couldn't dislodge the chunk from its embedment. Then a thought came to him. He managed to find two limbs and tied them together at one end with some laurel stems. The quickly fashioned pliers gripped the splinter, and he was able to twist and turn it out.
"Oh, my goodness" the Elephant exclaimed. "That feels so much better.'" After sharing some huckleberries and sap, they felt much better.
The two became fast friends and formed a consortium for ill-fated in that part of the forest.
In this case, no cats were involved at all.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu Jun 08, 2023 5:37 pm

Interestingly, the Larkvonnets' tabby, Mephistopheles heard the elephant's anguished cries, but in typical feline fashion, decided it could wait until he had finished his nap. By then, the mouse had saved the day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Jun 09, 2023 9:13 am

An urban legend that has been floating around the area since the early days is that some of the guys who came out of Ernie's got drunk. some have disputed that and said that they were just happy. Here is a photo from back in the day that was recently uncovered in the bottom of a dresser drawer in the attic of the old Frolitch house. Some think it might be Landis Frolitch, I don't know, but he does bear some resemblance to other members of the family.
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is he drunk or just happy.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Jun 09, 2023 10:38 am

Kerosene! That fellow is long past mere alcohol in any form. He has moved on to kerosene, the last stop on the precipitous downward spiral to ABSINTHE!!

His sort often dressed well and went about attempting to charm well-off widows, some of whom would invite the "gentleman" into their homes. Once inside and seated in the parlor, the kerosene fiend would would withdraw a long straw from a place of concealment about his person and surreptitiously sip all the kerosene from the parlor lamps, then make his hasty escape.

Some of these creatures would carry what appeared to be a light walking cane with a hook-shaped ornament, which was actually a hollow stem designed to allow the addict to sip kerosene from overhead lights whenever their host was distracted.

They were a clever lot, these coal oil fiends, and they concealed the odor of kerosene, of which they reeked, from passerby through the heavy use of Bay Rum and Betel.

Undertakers appreciated them, for upon their demise, no embalming of any kind was required.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Jun 11, 2023 8:56 pm

I'm not sure but I think some of the boys got into trouble way back in the day, when they were out of town and did some carousing.
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They surely had some explaining to do when they got home.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jun 12, 2023 6:33 pm

They did have some splaining to do. Theophilis Van Briggle had a checkered past. Hambletonian Thoroglad and Rutherford Rathbone should have known not to follow along with his schemes. The lust for vanadium cream got the better of them.
Theo.jpg
All may have gone without notice but for the footprints on the bathmat on the White House back porch. It was during President Larkvonnet's administration when the three broke in through the veranda door transom. Tiptoeing past the guards and down the basement steps got them into the pole vault. Using the 10-foot nickel ended stanchion to pry open the pie case and load several of the coveted pastries into their satchel. Then, quietly back out the way they came in.
Captain Ambeltoff was first on the scene and cordoned off the area. Bloodhounds were summoned from the annex and alerted to the tracks almost immediately.
Thoroglad said prison wasn't so bad, but he had always hated jail. Some of the toughs picked on poor Theophilis due to his jovial nature. Prison was no place for that.
Time served, many were reluctant to welcome them back into the community, but they were always shown hospitality at Ernie's. It may have been the pies they brought with them.
I often wondered why nickel ends.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Jun 25, 2023 11:29 pm

geese.JPG
There has to be a story here.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Mon Jun 26, 2023 5:11 am

Someone has been cutting corners there, that's my story and i'll stick to it !
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jun 28, 2023 11:55 am

Actually, there are two stories, Herb. One concerns the rumored Lock Nest Monster of Larkvonnet Bay. It appeared to a few during the 7th semianal Regatta, rising to the surface and chewing on several of the participating vessel's hulls. Those seeing it were criticized for too many hours at Ernie's the night before. There are no existing pictures including this one so little has been made of it since.
LcNss.jpg
The second story was above the Terminal Cafe in and apartment with questionable repute. Thus, the lack of reports on either or both as the case may be.
Heinrich is working on it so more research will likely follow.
Thanks for mentioning it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Thu Jun 29, 2023 6:29 am

My eyes were drawn to this corner of the building of the Lock Nest Observation Society, If some member of this forum posts a Wanted add for some new hubcaps for his High Wheeler, I think we have our culprit.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 02, 2023 3:29 pm

The damage may well have been inflicted by Skeezix Hoffellpuke. This shows devastation to the rear hub of his gyroscopede not more than a couple of days after.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Jul 04, 2023 1:27 pm

That's a fine looking vehicle. The Eggo weatherfront accessory adds a custom flair that can't be beat!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sat Jul 15, 2023 11:14 am

Wishing a happy St. Swithin's Day to all the loyal readers and contributors to this topic. You are all cordially invited to the Institute's Annual Picnic and Field Day. The Institute staff have arranged for a band to play a medley of Duke Fitzellwitz' greatest hits. There will be a game of 43 man squamish, and an open air buffet featuring haggis enchiladas. Come one, come all !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Jul 15, 2023 5:28 pm

Thank you, Rich, for remembering. And the same to you.
You may remember, it was on St. Swithin's Day when the second explosion occurred. It wasn't so much leaving the gas on but using a torch to light the Birthday candles.
KDshopp.jpg
At any rate, KD was able to fit the new smiffinwhalp pins to the main drum and finish up the fitment. Why he didn't just use vinegar, I'll never know. But you know how he was. :lol:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Jul 18, 2023 11:05 am

Did I just find a picture of Sally.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Tue Jul 18, 2023 11:24 am

Could be ! She looks plenty happy !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Jul 23, 2023 10:26 am

She ought to. She was the only pupil at Miss Penwilly's School of Decorum For Young Ladies who was allowed to operate the motorcycle. No one else was allowed to drive it, not even Zeke, the gardener. As for Miss Penwilly herself, she would not so much as be seen in it.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Aug 01, 2023 11:33 am

EXPLOSION AT ERNIES.JPG
Was this the day after Ernie served jalapeno mushrooms on Cinco de Mayo.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Aug 02, 2023 4:04 pm

It's just a minor eructation from the jamocha infuser. Happens all the time.
The motorcycle photo is of the "power plus" twins on a "power plus" Indian twin. It may be Sally or Katie G.
Can't tell.
Thanks for posting the nice photos.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Aug 02, 2023 6:38 pm

Not to be confused with the "Power Plus" Duo. Friedrick Carter, inventor of the Carter Pin patterned after the "Bobbie Pin", is shown here riding KD around the plant. KD found that by reversing the Guiderfluke armature, the tailings from the flufincrap hobbler formed the perfect pin shape. Substituting mild steel for the fiber strands did the trick.
KDOzUncl.jpg
Friedrick liked to sharpen the ends himself to draw maximum blood whist trying to reach around them for other work. He was a bit of a masticust as you may recall.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu Aug 03, 2023 11:33 am

Homophonic terms cause a lot of confusion at times. When Carter's pin invention spurred a boom in mass production, the concentration of wire products manufacturers in the Boston, Mass. area resulted in the items becoming universally known as "cotter pins".

So it was with the "Power Plus Duo", whose fame in the Tri-Burgs was eclipsed for a short time by the "Powder Puff Duo". Identical sisters Esmeré and Gumersinda Frumpole enjoyed fleeting fame for powering their governess cart with a gasoline unicycle developed by KD. Kalamity provided the replacement motive power for the sisters on the untimely death of their faithful pony Goliath, who succumbed to the vapors at the age of thirty-five.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Aug 03, 2023 6:05 pm

After an abrupt and unexpected upset of the sisters' conveyance, KD was impelled to invent the Wheelie Bar.

Though spectacular, the incident resulted in no injuries other than a couple of badly-mashed bustles.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 14, 2023 12:45 pm

It was during that time that KD built his Moto-Wheel Get-a-bout to run between the laboratory and home. Cuthbert could often be seen riding on the tank.
KDMtrWhl.jpg
It made no difference whether to or from, before or after breakfast. Traffic always yielded to the Wheel.
Did I mention the squirrel, knurled tomato omelets?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Aug 14, 2023 7:44 pm

Did KD ever work on hia versionof the automobile or truck.
KDS car.JPG


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Aug 14, 2023 9:45 pm

The Jalocipede carried its own toolroom everywhere it went, making any needed repairs a snap.
By pedaling furiously, an athletic driver could attain speeds of 15 miles per hour. Unfortunately, the poor road conditions of the day caused the machine jounce violently at speed, in consequence of which it would leave a trail of assorted tools behind it whenever it was moving at any speed greater than a walk. That caused the Bridge And Road Committee to ban it from the public ways. The machine was converted into a rolling power milking machine, and remained in that service until sometime after The War.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 27, 2023 1:07 pm

In answer to Herb's question, KD did build his well-used truck shown here and so many other places. It caried a similar conglomeration of tools and testing equipment.
KDtruck.jpg
Phewnamic tires made it more versatile than Admiral Finitsaches Jalocipede, but not as interesting to view on the street. It had no odometer, but notches on the dashboard indicate more than 40,000 miles were driven and not on the best of roads. You may recall the story of him whittling a ring gear from hardwood to keep him on his itinerary.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Sun Aug 27, 2023 9:08 pm

Yes! I believe he used white oak for the ring gear, it mingled with the fuel and if you followed, the exhaust smell was reminiscent of Jack Daniels.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Sun Aug 27, 2023 9:59 pm

Without an odometer, how did KD measure his miles? Possibly as the Nordic's did by the stars?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 28, 2023 12:43 pm

Along with the notches on the dash and the moondial in the shop, KD was able to interpolate the approximate miles by the decrease in differential oil. A sight glass installed in the left rear housing was incremented in cubic ohms and checked every 500 miles. Cross referencing this with the venereal compass gave a most accurate of measurements.
Of course, he needed to calibrate when oil was added.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 28, 2023 1:39 pm

KD was quite handy with an axe and a micrometer.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Tue Aug 29, 2023 10:33 am

Very few craftsmen were able to match KD's skill with a double-bitted axe, holding tolerance within .0001". The wooden ring gear did not give optimal service, however. During the vanadium shortage, KD began to rely on cow horn to fabricate replacement parts. Photograph is Cuthbert and one of his ranch hands gathering raw material for one of his projects.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Sep 01, 2023 3:38 pm

The windstorm of '19 made nearly all of the roads, trails and byways in the Basin impassable owing to the number of fallen trees. Elmer Fosdick leaped into the breach with his concept for what he called the"Velocity-Sawzallit-Motopede". KD provided engineering details, and the machine was built by the Larkvonnet Bros. Blacksmith Shop in Saddlestring. In short order, Triburg residents were once again free to travel, and enjoying an abundance of cordwood. Fosdick was something of a hazard on blind curves, however, and when the county surgeons began to report an alarming number of amputations, Elmer dismissed their concerns with the comment, "It's all idle gossip."
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Fri Sep 01, 2023 7:21 pm

"It's all idle gossip" transient hitchhikers, no doubt.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Sep 08, 2023 4:13 pm

Traction could be a big problem in the Tri-burgs back in the days before pavement, when muddy roads could be near impassable. Referring back to the Frumpole sisters, few people gave due credit to their older brother Erasmus, who invented the use of chains on driving wheels. Definitely the man to see when one needed to "chain up", Erasmus helped many an early motorist out of a sticky situation. In spite of his kind and gentle nature, his forbidding appearance when approaching an immovably mired automobile prompted not a few individuals to run screaming over the nearest hill, abandoning their machines in the middle of the road. The result was a fairly profitable sideline for Frumpole, dealing in used cars after sheriff's titles were procured.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Sep 08, 2023 4:56 pm

Goodness! I thought that was my nephew at first.
Erasmus did well with items he acquired that way. His downfall was choking on a 3-electrode, Air Friction spark plug.
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The reason was never verified.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Sep 08, 2023 5:02 pm

Yes, the Frumpole sisters said it was a "Shocking chain of events" when he choked on the spark plug.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Sep 08, 2023 7:58 pm

The Traction Guild referred to him as the "Missing Link".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Sep 08, 2023 9:16 pm

One would have thought that the Basin would not have had such a massive discard of ruined or worn-out tires back in those early days, but by 1927, "Weasel" Macafee had collected enough of them to construct this tower at the corner of Mugwump and Second, in downtown Saddlestring. He liked to amaze the locals by perching on top of the pile, shouting rude comments and singing snatches of popular bawdy-house tunes. For the longest time no one could figure out how he could ascend to the top. When a high wind during the blizzard of '33 toppled the tire tower, it was discovered he had built it over a manhole that connected to Stink Creek. It's assumed that once inside, he could climb the tire beads like a ladder.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Sep 09, 2023 10:46 am

Thanks for bringing this up, Rich. Many helpful locals brought more tires in an effort to get the pile so high that Weasel couldn't be heard. However, his voice carried quite well except during the blizzard of '33. Ernie offered ear plugs until the supply ran out.
tirez.jpg
Macafee always insisted on using the French pronunciation: WeaSEL rather than WEAsel with the emphasis on the last syllable.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sat Sep 09, 2023 5:25 pm

Ernie was always an asset to the community, eager to assist in any kind of disaster or difficulty. The earplugs were a big plus, but most saloon patrons found a flagon or two of Happy Sally made Weasel's vocal efforts bearable. Then, too, the mellow sounds of a Duke Fitzellwitz tuba solo practically drowned him out.

Incidentally, that looks for all the world like KD's raceabout in the foreground of the second photo, with a substantial contribution of used tires to add to the tower.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Sep 10, 2023 1:07 am

Lacking an odometer in the days before stars were brought to the Basin,
those in need of calculating mileage were in a bit of a pickle. Kd's involvement
with the Traction Guild is what finally brought the stars to the area, and how
the Traction Guild got their name. A 72 page article in the 09 Sept. 1892 edition
of Warts and Blisters magazine covered nearly every facet of the operation,
including Cuthbert's falsetto vocal contributions during the final event.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Sep 10, 2023 2:07 pm

We must remember, before stars were brought to the Basin, a mile was much further than it is now. That accounts for the many worn tires in the pile. It's too bad that Cuthbert's falsetto vocal and Duke Fitzellwitz's tuba weren't put together on and record. I would certainly but one.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Sep 14, 2023 3:27 pm

Rich P. Bingham wrote:
Sat Sep 09, 2023 5:25 pm
Incidentally, that looks for all the world like KD's raceabout in the foreground of the second photo, with a substantial contribution of used tires to add to the tower.
I'm glad you mentioned KD's Raceabout, Rich. That is in fact it in the previous mentioned photo. Those new to this thread may not have heard the many exciting tales or modifications to it over his years of custody. The fact that it was based on a Model T chassis is mainly why we talk about KD on a Model T Ford site. Kd did round up tires for Weasel's stack. However, he often found a better tire than he was using so he traded it for one on the raceabout.
KDtirzz.jpg
That sometimes delayed the deliveries as much as 2 or 3 hours a day allowing the shouting rude comments and singing snatches of popular bawdy-house tunes to be heard more clearly for longer stretches of time. Fortunately, no fines were levied.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Thu Sep 14, 2023 9:05 pm

Weasel shuddered when KD approached, could he pull his tire out without collapsing the whole stack like a giant jenga game?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Sep 16, 2023 3:58 pm

Things usually develop over time. At one time there was a group in the basin that called themselves the stump sitters.
STUMP TABLE.JPG
Some decided that this was harmful to the trees. This led to the tree leaners.
TREE LEANERS.JPG
Today as we have progressed we now have tree huggers.
Any guesses as to who these leaners and setters are.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Sep 17, 2023 3:22 pm

The Stump Sitters originated as a gastronomical society. You'll note they are seen in the first photo enjoying a sumptuous repast. Noteworthy in this instance is the tie to Grunda Fulpants, frequently referred to in previous posts. Grunda's younger sister Epifania was a gourmet chef who took upon herself as a mission to provide seven, eight, and twelve course meals for the Stump Sitters. The massive portions and richness of the fare resulted in an appalling trend toward obesity, not only in the membership, but Epifania herself, as she could never be content with merely tasting the dishes she prepared, but had to eat full servings just to ensure they were properly seasoned. In the interest of physical fitness, the Stump Sitters transitioned into tree leaning, as that, at least, required hiking into the woods. Epifania herself took up bicycling to reduce her weight, on a vehicle built especially to support her sturdy frame, designed and engineered by Kalamity Dick, who was smitten by her lovely face, but could not get close enough to her to press his attentions.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Sep 17, 2023 5:40 pm

This later photo illustrates the weight gain experienced by the stump sitters who enjoyed Epifania's gourmet offerings.
sitters.jpg
The rise on which they lived sank several feet during the feasts.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Sep 20, 2023 5:28 pm

And then there was the "Hot Dog" effect in the Valley. After William Howard Taft's term in the Whitehouse, he moved to the Tri-burgs and opened his hot dog stand on North Greenwart Street just across from the helix warehouse.
Taft.jpg
He and KD had the kazoo in common and gave concerts at Ernie's on the weekends. If they were lucky, they could get "Weasel" Macafee to render his version of “The Aba Daba Honeymoon”.
Many long for those carefree days.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Sep 21, 2023 8:15 am

Those were the days, indeed. But we must not forget the hardship of having to slice our own bread and bologna.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Fri Sep 22, 2023 5:39 am

Carefree days? WURST ! Have you seen those scrawny thin 'Frankfurters' that the former President Taft is peddling for the princely sum of 5 cents, that is 5 CENTS ! That is a Ripoff if ever there was one, goes to show he did not change his ways much after leaving 'The Office' HAH !
And it would not surprise me if that was the price without sales tax.....
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Sep 22, 2023 12:19 pm

Actually, Leo, they were pretty much car-free days. Five cents for a weenie isn't bad, considering that's about $1.65 in today's money. Try getting a hot-dog for that, nowadays. Anyway, this was decades before state legislatures began imposing sales tax, and Wyoming still doesn't have sales tax.

The scandalous aspect of this story is how "Daffy" Willy Daft went about his early career cleaning hog pens and unnoticed by the Basin's populace. When President Taft left office, Willy was set to perpetrate his scam, and capitalize on the ex-president's fame. Fortuitously bearing a strong resemblance to the president, Willy purposefully gained 30 pounds and grew a heavy moustache. He then drew from his savings garnered from investing in sow bellies during all those years he was cleaning hog pens, and took the Tri-burg hot-dog market by storm, presenting himself as William Howard Daft, the Weenie King. Hiring a deaf sign painter who put "Taft" on his advertising materials completed the deception, supposedly as an innocent mistake, but "Daffy" did nothing to correct misconceptions.

Just another interesting anecdote from those early days. Kalamity Dick was an enthusiastic customer of Daft's weenie stands. He preferred them garnished with apple chuteney.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Sep 22, 2023 1:21 pm

Bartholomew found this childhood photograph of Willie Daft in the trunk of values. It was mis-filed under "hog wild". Obviously Willie's mount was very docile.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Sep 23, 2023 5:11 pm

Willie rode high on the hog much as Taft did in those days. The trick was to look dignified and confident without falling off. Taft fell off a number of times and the press was often there to record with the Kodak.
Not to confuse with the napkin design at Ma Finklesgyrg's snack bar.
npknz.jpg
Willie wasn't reported to have fallen at all.
Just his luck. :lol:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Sep 23, 2023 8:48 pm

I don't know.JPG

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Mon Sep 25, 2023 5:14 am

Herb, i wonder what was your train of thought here...
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Sep 25, 2023 4:38 pm

Transporation to and from the alphabet mine was free to those who passed the penmanship test. Youngsters were employed as their small hands could reach the lower case letters better.
ABCDmine.jpg
These yearend celebratory photos were taken despite the increased cost to buy a vowel.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Sep 25, 2023 7:21 pm

Whole happy families were employed in the alphabet mines, as this photo so aptly illustrates. Interesting to modern day observers is the employment of the fez as the miners' regulation head-gear. The reason was the low market price for "Zs". Management felt encouraging internal usage would help maintain a profitable margin on the other 25 letters. It's also the origin of the expression, ". . . cop a few Zs". Miners felt taking a cat-nap on company time was preferable to wasting time loading a mine cart with Z-bearing ore.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Sep 26, 2023 10:19 am

There ya go. That's the rest of the story.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Oct 01, 2023 5:28 pm

Snowshoe Oliver Larvonnet was essential in those days. For proper prenutication and fragmentation of the letters vanadium chloride was use as a rinse in the curing process. It is readily available from Clownsdayle in the warmer months but during the winter, brutal blizzards and deep snow made it impossible to cross the mountains. Without it, production is stopped, and valuable time wasted. Larvonnet remembered that when he was a kid in Norway, his father made him a pair of “snowshoes” to go to school. Why couldn't he make some and deliver the chloride to the mill. He made two hand carved long wooden boards that, when attached to your feet, would help you side on the snow. It was a three day trip with the chemical back to the mill pulling a makeshift sled made of lodge pole pine branches. He said "the small pole pines weren't big enough.
He snacked on dried sausages, jerked beef, crackers, and knurled tomatoes on his journeys. You may have read the account of the bear tracking him on his third outing. See Stocking Bear Quarterly Vol. 5 page 32.
Lrkvnnt.jpg
This shows the later, improved snowshoes.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Oct 01, 2023 7:26 pm

Stocking bears were an anomaly curious to the Chugwater Basin. Sheep growers on the bench were discouraged at the great number of high quality merino fleeces that went missing every spring at shearing time. It took a lot of wool to keep the bears in comfy socks. When synthetics finally broke the wool growers, stocking bears became an endangered species. In one of its final issues, Stocking Bear Quarterly documented this bruin's reaction to polyester.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Oct 05, 2023 6:28 pm

Thus, the term Bearfoot.
Bearfoot.jpg
It certainly was an issue.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Oct 10, 2023 4:54 pm

Speaking of stockings, one of KD's fond friends was Tweedle Dee. He had helped Dick finance the satire compressor/confabulator. Sadly, Tweedle Dee was spending more time at Ernie's after the passing of Tweedle Dum. The rumors of his counterfeiting vowels were never proven, and KD trusted him implicitly.
tweedle3.jpg
A humorous incident occurred when a lady asked Dee if they had a restroom. He thought she said a whisk broom and he told her "No, but we could clean things out with the air hose".
Tweedle Dee tried to be optimistic but eventually move to Pittsburg in depressed state. Correspondence stopped and the Institute has no record of him after that.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Oct 19, 2023 9:55 am

Is this from the regatta?
regatta.JPG
If so then why the Union Jack flag under the American flag?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Oct 19, 2023 10:01 am

54-40 or fight!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Thu Oct 19, 2023 2:56 pm

Ah, the memorable 1904 Regatta !
The Union Jack was flown from the flagpole in honor of a brave British delegation who came rowing from 'Over the Pond', they had slightly misjudged the size of the Pond and subsequently the time it would take, in the end and after enduring much hardship the hardy Englishmen persevered and reached the Continental United States alas a year later but right in time for the regatta of 1904 !
Their rowboat though did not fare that well, the trip across the Atlantic Ocean caused so much wear that the four men arrived on just the seat which can be seen clearly sitting on the dock in this historic photograph.
Needless to say the men were treated like royalty and each got their share of Happy Sally before returning home the next week on some borrowed Sour Mash barrels that nobody wanted.
The rowing party were offered some Tea boxes that had proven to float, but the men politely declined on historic grounds, and mentioned they did expect some straight sailing from the empty casks and not to worry as they intended to visit Bermuda on the way home to Blighty.
Nothing was ever heard of them again
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Oct 22, 2023 11:54 am

The British delegation was awarded the "Hard Haunches" trophy by Chairman Clifton Rumpsfield. The County Seat agreed, and a banquet was throne for them.
That is likely Ed Larkvonnet standing in the rear.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Oct 30, 2023 6:14 pm

Clifton Rumpsfield was perhaps the most versatile entrepreneur the Basin had ever seen in the early days. Arriving in Rawlins on the rails of a caboose, he managed to bum a ride into Chugwater in time to enter the St. Swithin's Day horse race by convincing Elmo Stubbs he was the hot-shot jockey he had contracted for. Rumpsfield piloted Stubb's mare Fanny to a first place victory by the seat of his pants. Investing his share of the winning purse, it wasn't long before he was able to open his "Beef Eatery" on Smudge Lane, between the stockyards and the slaughterhouse. Offering rump roast and oxtail soup, he prospered for a while until he got behind on the rent and had to close down. With a string of ventures too numerous to relate, his grandest achievement was "The House of Nonsense". Popular for many years, attendance evfntually tailed off, and anyway, Clifton was tired of being thr butt of jokes made at his expense as the purveyor of nonsense. The building still stands, shuttered and empty in downtown Saddlestring.
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