OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Burger in Spokane
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 05, 2020 2:30 pm

Funny that you mention tea, as Miss Maydwell was known to comment that the river WAS
a giant kettle of moss tea, when the schooners and barges passed. Many local residents
ran to the shore to dip their cup or kettle as they went by. One more reason why life in the
Chugwater is truly blessed.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 05, 2020 2:34 pm

The road to Mount Stinkmore, in the days before they paved it with good intentions,
not far from where the Nutmeg Incident went down.

Upper1.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 05, 2020 5:54 pm

I remember that spot. You had to get a good run at it to get up it in high. Weldon lived down the next mile and on the left in a geodesic linhay. It was red originally but they painted it smaragdine over the Winter.
Disregarding the UFO in previous photo on my barrister's advice.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jul 05, 2020 6:51 pm

There was a lot of contention over that spot, and many near misses. Weldon’s cows were always out, his fences were badly in need of repair, and his cattle always felt the grass was smaragdiner on the other side. Painting the linhay that winter helped a lot, but motorists who dared take the hill in high had to dodge the cows all too often.

An interesting trivial aside: Weldon was the senior flow-rate engineer at the moss works, and the first to coin the use of the acronym “UFO” (pronounced “oof oh” in the Basin) which stood for “Unprecedented Filtration Obstruction”. All of the technicians knew what it meant. Of course this was before the Wright Brothers’ flight.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Jul 05, 2020 9:53 pm

Is that a contrail on that UFO?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 05, 2020 9:54 pm

Back down at the river crossing, the Calhoun County Bridge Authority, hired
Felix Fourskin in the winter of 1912 to try and develop a remote crank for the
bridge. Felix copied Kalamity Dick's worm-drive brisket twiddler design, coupled
with skyhook technology, but never could make it work reliably. Some speculated
the troubles were in the wireless connections. Others said it was for lack of color.
Here we see Felix fitting the spentacle cone to the ventricle modulator, just prior
to the initial launch. Fortunately, no one was hurt.

KDcrank.jpg
KDcrank.jpg (55.19 KiB) Viewed 21168 times

Meanwhile, back in town, Nils Untergaard had worked up quite the gimmick to
secure a larger market share of the pressing business. Note the bars over the
windows.

KDgolf.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 05, 2020 10:08 pm

Funny, but it was KD who accidentally invented the golf club, while trying
to invent a way to rapidly clear a room of floor and table lamps. It was only
after he perfected the headed club we know today as a golf club, that Ernst
Funkbunkler came up with the ball and cup idea.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jul 05, 2020 10:10 pm

Though he never wore three piece suits, pressing business kept KD from attending the regular broad meeting at Ernie’s that season.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jul 06, 2020 9:45 am

Shown here with a prototype for the Golf of Panama exposition of which he was the "chair" man. He and Funkbunkler spoke at length about divots and double bogey's before they were terms. Chastleford Mulligan gave a presentation on "eye on the ball". Several had to leave the room when he demonstrated it.
KDgolph.jpg
Long story short, "Once-upon a time, The End".
Just Kidding.
The two had biscuits at the Salvaje after the lecture and I believe Ernst even had lemonade.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Jul 06, 2020 8:18 pm

KD is flashing the well known "sign" for the Eaters of Pancakes" gang. I had no idea
that he had any such affiliation.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Jul 07, 2020 10:00 pm

Boy, am I embarrassed ! I mentioned the above to Heinrich, and he pulled out
a file, all about Kalamity Dick's lifelong association with pancakes. Founder and
charter member of the Chugwater Chapter of the International Fraternal Order of
Pancake Eaters, KD was a dedicated afficianado from earliest records of his life
and interests. He won several of the big pancake races, both rallye and short track,
and the Institute has the trophies to prove it. An article in the Aug. 1913 edition
of Flume Builder & Rattlesnake Tamer Quarterly quoted KD as saying he liked pancakes
for their low profile (less likely to interfere with the clearing of rooms of lamps with
a golf club), and their absorbtive qualities with maple surple, .... something that
always bothered him about the asbestos linings on the company-issued gym socks.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 08, 2020 9:04 am

Forgive me if I hearken back to Mickey Trickle at the Regatta breakfast 1924. KD shared his recipe for pancakes with Mickey which had been passed down for generations from a sea vessel saucier before pans or cakes became popular. Rumor had it that some piracy was involved. At any rate some of the racing was tried on water for that event. Several bystanders nearly drowned and the suppression ensued.
Mickey.jpg
However land competition continued as disclosed above. KD experimented with high octane batter, crêpe racing slicks and starch-based lubricants. Eventually the maple surple competitor got the better of him and he devoted his time to flying waffles. Always trying to inject some humor he would arrive on scene saying "Batter Up!"

And for those more interested in the technical side here is a sketch of the apparatus itself.
ventric.jpg
Suggested by perry kete Sat Jun 15, 2019
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Jul 08, 2020 12:27 pm

Great diagram, showing the spider injection manifold. Originals sell for big
money.

On a semi-related note ...

Heinrich points out that Felix Fourskin's father, Farquardt, was the first to devise
an indoor/outdoor skyhook, which led to the development and blossoming of the
fulcrum cone industry, of which the Chugwater Basin remains the hub of this technology.
Fourskin Foundry & Cone employs 28 fulltime engineers and 41 operators, worldwide.
"Chugwater Cones" were featured at the Paris World Exposition and demand has never
subsided, with sizes from the 4 oz. "Baker's Model" to the 80 ton, self-propelled X-2112.

Heinrich has appealed to all for photographs and documents relating to the early Fulcrum
Cone for an upcoming exhibit, and thanks everyone in advance for any help.

KDhook1.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 09, 2020 9:23 am

And what a fine Exposition that was. Gear design experts Lowell and Hartley praised the cone teeth fit in Modern Cog and Sprocket Review with "Another Fine Mesh".
The interesting thing about the foundry was the sod roof. The old adage "People who live in grass house shouldn't cast cones" was ignored by Felix and Farquardt to great utility. The time difference in Paris did throw off the X-2112's equilibrium and frothing appeared around the ventricles.
Darlene is faxing some photos and a song she wrote about it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 09, 2020 11:08 am

The fax arrived. Here we see the two developers calculating the skim adjustment on the pitch vector.
FnFr.jpg
Sadly, the denominator didn't arrive on time and lunch had to be postponed until Thursday.
Darlene's song can be viewed at: >//wx903.zilch.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Thu Jul 09, 2020 11:26 am

That gear looks very much like the one that KD designed for the syrup pump used at the syrup well head he and his team developed to supply enough syrup for regatta and the races when they served the famous flapjacks . They drilled many test wells before they struck sweet gold.
1922 Coupe & 1927 Touring

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 09, 2020 4:18 pm

It is a very similar gear Perry. If you look closely at the edge about halfway up you can see that this gear has a pressure angle of 17.5° rather than the 22.5°use on the syrup pump. This of coarse is due to the difference in viscosity. While the syrup was big hit at the Regatta it was discovered to have miraculous medicinal qualities. The MacPukeman twins bottled and sold it under their own label in farmacies all over the county. Coincidentally, Felix developed a near fatal growth on his elbow and the potion was credited with saving his life along with $27 and change. It also cured Johnny Figghower of being sick of pancakes.
My mistake on the link to Darlene's song. Use the other one.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Jul 10, 2020 2:09 am

The runout on both gears was the same, except in opposite directions. This
was done on KD's suggestion, as he sensed a high pitch squeal being picked up
by the nearby dogs, stotes, and suckweasels. Almost like a reversible polarity,
the mesh was self-lashing and honed the offending surfaces to a micron finish.
In subsequent tests, the friction, when doused with Marvel Mystery Oil, recorded
a reading of .000291, ironically the same as the viscosity rating of maple surple.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Jul 10, 2020 10:21 am

That is a surprise considering how pour the Mystery Oil tasted on the pancakes. Vladimar Tranzberg solved the problem by using ear plugs for the nearby dogs, stotes, and suckweasels and later did some bending of the gear teeth themselves working in the backroom of his barber shop. With a file and a small chisel he constructed the gearing for the twin steeples in Glamdorf.
FnFx.jpg
A side note, Marvel Mystery Oil did improve the taste of broiled suckweasel.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 12, 2020 3:36 pm

It might be interesting to note that much of the leftover gearing was donated to the Planetarium cafeteria for atmosphere.
plnetarium.jpg
Shirley MacKacklebee was one of the "Beanery Queens" there for 3 Summers running between Halley's Comet and the velcrow eclipse. A pretty girl, she dated 3 of the Larkvonnet twins and even a Spaydaford or two. She and Tammy Lou Thornbarker would sit out on the veranda and spin tunes on her gramophone. A revealing theme was published in "Kids Who Worked at the Planitarium Cafeteria" describing what trouble a gal could get into. Perhaps too racey for the car buffs here.
At any rate the fractured Stroganoff and knurled onions were the best things on the menu. One eyed bat was fair and of coarse the chicken face sandwiches.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jul 12, 2020 3:49 pm

KD utilized these same herringbone gears in his design for an interplanetary transmission which proved very successful on the moss gleaning boats on Lake Chugwater. The herringbone gears were also very popular with fishermen. A side benefit was their use for cleaning toadfish as soon as they were caught, while the boats were under way. Thus, fishermen could provide fresh filets of toadfish to customers as soon as the boats docked, no waiting. Tranzburg, however, cautioned against marinating toadfish in murple surple.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Jul 12, 2020 5:08 pm

Toadfish filets were well known for warting off sickness. The one eyed bat and chicken face sandwich was great if you could get past the look.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jul 12, 2020 5:50 pm

Those sandwiches never sold at Ernie’s “all you can eat” buffet, but that was part of his business plan. Genteel folk never served them “open face” as Ernie did, but between two slices of rye.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 12, 2020 6:51 pm

A lot of faces I recognize in the cafeteria photo ! Mickey Trickle's mother Maude,
Mickey, the Spadafora Gang, the Fourskin clan, Sheriff Badhassle, Thorstein Scroop,
The Eventuality Sisters, Mable Pinkwart, Grunda Fulpants, the entire Uvula League,
Cyrus Barnswallow, Ernst Funkbunkler, Nils Untergaard, Miss Maydwell, Spongebath
Bob, the Brooks Brothers, Slim Chowder, Zumwalt Fourskin (no relation), Amos
Zinderplaster, the Carbonators, representitives of the Pythagorians, and of course,
Happy Sally ... just to name a few.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 12, 2020 8:38 pm

Not shown in the group photo is Dweasle Pumpknukler who took his out on the running board to eat. Counter-bored Salmon was his favorite but out of season here he chose the Chamfered Skunk with Tremolite sauce.
Dweazle.jpg
That's Mable Pinkwart's cousin Sophronia making a fist while Dweasle points out his chin. Overstating the obvious was always a habit of his. Sadly an unfortunate accident at the helix mill with the wombler left him without neck or ankles. Kalamity Dick and the Saffron Brothers built a 3 wheeled perambulator for him and he became very fast with it.
Sophronia went on to teach 3rd grade in Tappaforia county. I believe she lived on the second block of Harrison and 8th street.
Look her up.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 12, 2020 9:21 pm

After the Helix accident, things looked pretty grim for Dweasle. And no one
expected the surprise brought forth by KD and the Saffron Bros. It was truly a
noble and uncompensated gesture that earned the five a Golden Grubworm Award
for selfless actions.

Dweasle took 3 months to recuperate enough to mount the parambulator, but
being the driven personality that he was, mastered it to a point that far exceeded
anyone's expectations. In month three, he was approached by Eustis Gumdrop,
who had lost his ankles in a poker game, gone wrong. Eustis had worked on a
rehab routine for 17 years at this point and shared his tips with Dweasle. It was
miraculous how Dweasle's recovery ramped up from that point, and the two organized
the Thankless Ankless Society, which now numbers 21 chapters and 81,213 members.

The two worked together, rigging skyhook work until they retired together to the
smaller island in Lake Chugwater, doing tally counts of the passing moss barges.
Those tally books are an upcoming featured exhibit at the Institute Proving Grounds.
Heinrich speculates it will be next January.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Jul 14, 2020 1:36 pm

For a short time the tallying had been accomplished by flying machine. By reversing the catostraph and adding dippulators to the konflaitator Kalamity Dick could use it for air motors. However Dweasle and Eustis had hepled fill the sky with the ubiquitous hooks and made navigation disadvantageous. Crossing the Bliggard Street bridge one could watch them smirking as they counted the barges.
Airry.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Jul 14, 2020 10:50 pm

Wasn't there a short lived Saturday morning show way back when? "THE ADVENTURES OF SKY HOOK" They used that name but it was about an Alaskan bush pilot. Am I remembering wrong?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Jul 15, 2020 2:39 am

The Adventures of Skyhook ran for seven seasons. Dweasle and Eustis were passed
up for leading rolls, on account of the lack of ankles and their own personal time
commitments to the Thankless Ankless Society. That, and tallying moss barge haulage.
One inaccurate entry and mayhem could ensue. The Spadafora Gang tried numerous
times to mess with the counts, but being neckless, as well as ankless gave Dweasle a
head squarely set on his shoulders, and no one was slipping a miscount past him !
The pair did make many cameo appearances, which brought them much fame and
notoriety, which they selflessly directed toward appreciation for the skyhook riggers
of yore, which is why we enjoy the Skyhook Riggers Hall of Fame and Museum on the
Upper Terrace today. Opened in the old Chowder Hall on Pispacattiquawttimauken
Avenue in 1931, it is always a big tourist draw for the Tri-Burg area, especially during
the Regatta and around St. Swithen's Day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Wed Jul 15, 2020 7:44 am

I heard from a reliable source that KD sold his patents on the Skyhook system for a dollar to the US army in support of the war effort, he was rumoured on the other hand to have made a bundle on US Army regulation swimwear for the pilots..
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Jul 15, 2020 9:51 am

The entire staff at the Institute wishes you, one and all a very happy and blessed St. Swithin’s Day !!
Parade at ten, no-host luncheon at Ernie’s at noon, free admission to the Institute all day long, mud-wrestling in the upper bog at 4:00pm. Fancy dress ball in the Institute foyer following vespers. Remember, it’s also KD’s birthday commemorative. Bring green jello.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 15, 2020 12:14 pm

Sky Hook, the "Flying Constable", was presented by Kemlogg's Raven Brand and One-eyed bat Crunchies for five of the seven seasons. For 50¢ and two box-tops you could send away to Babble Creep, Michigan. After waiting six months a small plastic replica of Hook and Sheriff Mickey would come to your home in a tattered box. Many a youngster grew old waiting. I have mine super-glued to the Mantle.

As a Safety precaution, Harriet asked that no kazoos be played during half time at the Ball. The Bass Player became violent last year and seveal were sent to the sanatorium.
Ballllx.jpg
Will the green jello have carrots this year?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Jul 15, 2020 4:52 pm

Wonderful photo, Rich. If I’m not mistaken, this one was taken at the St. Swithin’s Day Ball back in 1916 ?
Kalamity Dick and Cuthbert Maddox easily identifiable at the far right. My, weren’t they dashing figures in their “best bib and tucker” ? I believe that’s the year Duke Fitzellwitz provided halftime entertainment on his Sousaphone, accompanied by Doc Severe on the spoons.

No carrots in the green jello - Sebastian is violently allergic.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Jul 15, 2020 5:37 pm

Carrots in green jello Umm.
Just as long as you don't do the Ballroom Blitz.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Thu Jul 16, 2020 4:18 am

And a fine St Swithin's day it was!

No rain in the forecast here.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 16, 2020 12:38 pm

Yes, I should have mentioned that the photo wasn't last years dress ball. Things did go well and I brought my own carrots. Just a little woosey this morning yet.
The mention of the plastic figures on the mantle brought to mind another television series that was popular at the same time. "Robin Hook", portrayed by Basil Rathbone, inspired the fertile minds of youngsters. He and his Merry Men stole from the prosperous and bestow their plunderings on the poverty-stricken. A lesson well learned by those whippersnappers with bureaucratic aspirations.
RobinHook.jpg
Most of the outdoor footage was filmed in and around the Van Briggle Woodland's just South of the Catsfoot mill in Crazy Woman Canyon. Lodging was furnished by Cuthbert Maddox in cabins he had built as tourist lodging that didn't become sought-after. The cafeteria was run by the same folks that service the Planetarium only without so much gearing.
Ester Rampuker wrote three articles in "What to do in Crazy Woman Canyon Weekly". She also recommended the green jello.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Jul 16, 2020 2:24 pm

Worth noting that Arrow Flynn was passed over for the lead role. He sulked about the set, hoping for a gig as an extra, but was passed over yet again for the Spaydaford twins, Woody and Jethro, who were immortalized as the blue and red figurines in the above photo. Producer Sessile B.D. Millrace recognized them as “the real deal” who could lend an aire of authenticity to the production. (The twins, not the figurines).

Arrow stayed on in Crazy Woman Canyon, paying $15.00 a month to Cuthbert for rent of one of the cabins. It was a great help when jackalope market price was low.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Jul 16, 2020 2:50 pm

Much so. It was a pour mistake to use Basil as he couldn't hit the broad side of a hen house with a bow and projectile. Arrow however had won various championships on the archery scene. Many of the shooting scenes were refigited by the animation staff at BDM. KD provided a guilderfluke guidebar to assure accuracy. Rampuker commented several times on the bystanders receiving the feathered shafts in inconvenient places. This prompted a categorical list of "Places to get hit with an arrow" in Modern Inconvenience and Irritation, the unabridged version. Ironically it made her more money than the "Counting Dots at the Decimal Works".
Note on miniature outhouse "Little John". :lol:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Jul 18, 2020 12:01 pm

Ms. Rampuker was christened Polly Ester Ferndip. Born decades before synthetic fibers, she was nonetheless always foreward looking and ahead of her time. She married Reginald Rampuker after a whirlwind courtship, but wedded bliss was not to be her lot. Sadly, Reginald succumbed within a year of their marriage to multiple bites from the rattlesnakes he was training to provide percussion accompaniment for Duke Fitzellwitz’s third album. He should have stuck with the maracas.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 19, 2020 2:22 pm

Perhaps it was Duke's choice of instruments that irritated the vipers. Maybe it was the Essence of one-eyed-bat cologne that Reggie had been using. Possibly the alignment of the planets was out of whack. Juniper and Neptune were in vernal flux at the time. We may never know. Duke tried to administer the antidote which he kept in a spent Brasso can but a choice of the wrong container may have been what polished him off.
Snakaphone.jpg
In later years, Polly Ester turned her talents to writing children's books. Included were science projects like how to test the electrical outlet with a paper clip or analyse venom with glass beaker. By then she had moved from the small cottage on Whistleneck lane to 8th and Foster, right behind the Planetarium.
I heard she suffered from Parsley.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Jul 20, 2020 9:27 am

Alas poor Polly Ester. Her physicians offered sage advice regarding her condition, but in spite of it, she left us before her thyme.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Jul 21, 2020 9:20 pm

This just in:
WCTU.JPG
Who knew that there was a protest in front of Ernie's?
Did they tear down the Cigar store Indian?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Jul 22, 2020 12:03 pm

The "West Chugwater Temptress Union" protested on a regular basis through the community streets. The menfolk spent too much time with "Happy Sally" and not enough time wooing the Ladies. The condition varied depending on the activity at the burnished cranberry mill. Output from the stacks filled the air with a kind of erotic stimulus which seemed to affect certain of the younger women folk. It also cased drowsiness in fellows who spent 6 or more hours partying.
Ernie discontinued showing the silent movies for a while and the fellows didn't stay as long. This in turn did have some effect on the population growth on both the West side and near the Planetarium.
Josh Canterbitque's book went in to some detail on that and how to shim a 4-jaw chuck.
Murthellbottom's Books still had 3 copies left as of 1948.

Oh, I believe the Indian is still there but the cigar store went missing.
(from memory)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Jul 24, 2020 1:55 pm

You can imagine the shock Carrie Nation had when she arrived in the Basin only to find out what “WCTU” really stood for in Chugwater. The Temptresses were a little miffed at the sign painter (a tee-totaler who also misunderstood the group’s purpose) for not punctuating their slogan correctly. It should have read : “Saloons !! Must go!!” But they used the banner on their wagon anyway.

The Temptresses were certainly not above surmounting the shyness of some of the fellers by plying them with cheap booze before making amorous advances.

Poor Carrie ! She got a taste of her own tactics when the Temptresses ran her out of town on a rail. The Tri-Burg basin always was a free-wheeling place where good times could be found.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Jul 24, 2020 7:56 pm

KD tried to warn Carrie but she had her ax to grind. He amused her by sharpening it on the Kanfusterlator by replacing the counterwheel with a grind stone. Band-aids were required when she tested it after the rejuvenation. He also treated her to lunch at the terminal cafe. He had the corned beef and she the goats liver. Seems like canasta with the Uvula League was mentioned too.
A Crazy week at any rate. That was the week they painted Shakey Bob's Barber Shop and Ma Spaydaford broke here ankle.
Heinrich's on "twosies".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Jul 25, 2020 12:46 am

Carrie made headlines on one subject, but was a woman of many entreprenurial interests.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Jul 25, 2020 10:36 am

Absolutely right, Burger. She was always looking for a string to pull.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Jul 25, 2020 10:41 am

Ms. Nation did send a barrel of Mrs. Fuller's Drunkard Cure to her followers in the Valley. With the help of some husky young lads who had been saved they pumped it into the water system and waited for community redemption. As chance would have it, most of the established drunkards didn't drink enough water to see any noticeable effect. An unexpected side affect was that many of the children sprouted mustaches.
ggirlz.jpg
While it brought a lot of extra business to Shakey Bob's Barber Shop, the Commissary ran low on bandages and therefore the helix mill had to shut down.

So many times good intentions lead to unexpected results and disaster. That is partly why I haven't sent my annual donation to the Home for Unwed Deputies.

Maybe later.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Jul 25, 2020 11:26 pm

One more reason why the road to Mount Stinkmore was paved with
good intentions. The results promised to be unpredictable, as many
found out.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Jul 26, 2020 8:16 am

The little boys just loved the little girls with mustaches because when they stole a kiss from them it tickled their fancy! :shock:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 26, 2020 1:47 pm

That may have been the story given in S.F., but not in Chugwater. Another case
of media bias.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Jul 26, 2020 1:54 pm

Fancy or not, it was a ticklish endeavor.
By the time they did get the road to Mount Stinkmore paved it was 22% at the 3 mile marker. That's about 12.41° and way too cold to for the multi-grade forethought to coheed with the binder. At one point they ran out of intentions and mixed in ambitions and aspirations with a hint of resolution.
Regardless of it being a steep climb it was exhilarating and delightful. One almost forgot why they were there in the first place. Hence the mulliganberries often went unpicked and the farkles unfettered.
Downhill was the antithesis.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Jul 26, 2020 2:57 pm

When that steep grade reached 10,000 feet elevation, KD resigned his commission as a no consulting engineer on the project due to recurring nose bleeds. Farkle berries may have helped, but as noted, no one was picking them. The over-ripe fruit fermented on the vine, swelling to enormous size before exploding. In a way, one might say the road was paved with bad distensions.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Jul 26, 2020 11:09 pm

A young Harry Organs is seen hightailing it for the Helix Mill after his sweetheart
sprouted a moustache. The arrow above the Old Fellows Hall indicates where the
troubles began.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Jul 27, 2020 12:24 pm

Thanks for finding that photo Burger. If we zoom in on Harry, we see his Helix Works attire in stunning electric sapphire color with insignia.
Harry.jpg
Exciting to see is his new Pillsbury chainless bicycle with Gattlingberg tires and the ever popular vacuum tubes. Helical drive seemed important giving his place of employment. A dashing figure with his fancy tickled and an Odd Fellow himself in many ways. A brief autobiography appeared in National Cyclomitrics May 12th as they say.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Jul 27, 2020 8:45 pm

Verified photos and documents from the Chugwater Youth Authority confirm it is Harry is seen
dashing at the right side of the photo. The bicycle rider ???
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Jul 28, 2020 10:02 am

My mistake. Harry is a bit blurry. The chap on the bicycle must be Harry Cladsnapper. You must admit they do look alike at Squamish practice.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Jul 28, 2020 3:16 pm

It’s the uniform. Anyway, the Cladsnapper lad was christened Alfombro Alyoisius. His nickname Harry (Hairy, actually) arose from the fact that he sprouted a very impressive handlebar mustache shortly after he was weaned. Like many youngsters of the era, he also had shoulder-length golden curls which were shorn on his fourth birthday. That’s when his mother made him shave as well, an unfortunate task for a wee kiddie in those days before the safety razor. He wasn’t born with that hare-lip.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Jul 28, 2020 9:16 pm

Alfombro Sr. married Euliptard Julian in 1933. They had a son that they named
Alfombro Jr., who we see on the bicycle. Besides being famous for stunt riding
with the rear wheel off the ground, Alfombro Jr. was quite musical and formed
Alfombro and the Fombrarians with 7 Pythagorian guys from the compound on the
Upper Terrace during the period when Goo-wop was popular. We all know the
Fitzellwitz connection. Felix Fourskin produced and engineered their albums on
the Funktown label. Heinrich forgot to forward the names of the 7 Pythagorian
lads. Sorry.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Jul 29, 2020 6:10 pm

Please forgive this interruption to the ongoing discussion on the Cladsnapper genealogy. Heinrich has presented a synopsis of his research into the Miscellaneous Horseless Miracle Co. initiated by a request in another topic on these boards:

The Miscellaneous Horseless Miracle Co. was established as a New York corporation in November of 1899 by Upper Chugwater investors who had profited handsomely from the alphabet mines during the period of rapid expansion of American newspapers. With money to burn, this anonymous cabal shared the vision of a world where horses were no longer required for personal or public transportation. Initially their research team explored many different forms of motive power, including electrical motors, steam, wind, carrier pigeons and a remarkably robust strain of Baltic squirrels; hence “miscellaneous” in the corporate title.

Richard Q. (Kalamity Dick) Klamitboffer was drafted by the concern for the position of head consulting engineer with two results: first, upon accepting the position, KD opined, “It will be a miracle if you fellows ever get a working, practical vehicle on the road.” which resulted in grafting the word “miracle” into the corporate title. Secondly, the the base of operations was established in Medicine Bow, Wy. to accommodate KD’s preferences for the Tri-Burg area. Amos Woebyrn took the reins as general manager the following year. By 1913, no vehicles had yet been built or sold, and KD resigned in disgust over Woebyrn’s indecisiveness and inability to make any substantive plans. The tooling, materials and plant fixtures were sold at auction to the fledgling Assorted Motor Car Co. of Saddlestring.

Respectfully submitted by Heinrich Oberdorfer,
Senior Researcher at the Institute

. . . we now resume the previous topic.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Jul 30, 2020 12:02 pm

Heinrich Oberdorfer (correct German spelling) comes from a long line of Dorfers from
the old country. To make Ober rank, one must perform at an exemplary level, display
exceptional leadership skills, and have nice hair and nails, even under pressure.

Heinrich is all that.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Jul 30, 2020 1:09 pm

Thanks for that, Burger. I made the correction, apologies to Heinrich, my musteak*. Heinrich is indeed, all of that, especially the nails, all of which are ten penny !

*Thursday evenings are Musteak Night at Ernie’s. Two for one price on the house special, jackalope steak smothered in native mushrooms. My turn to treat Heinrich!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Jul 30, 2020 9:16 pm

Mmmm .... Jackalope steak, mushrooms and sauce, with chifafa on the side.
That's some mighty good eatin' !

It wasn't until the breakdown of modern society, as they knew it, that anyone
realized just how special the House Special was !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Jul 31, 2020 8:53 am

We tried it last night but it was a mistake. It isn't sitting well this morning. It's just not the same now that Ernie's gone.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Jul 31, 2020 12:01 pm

Rich, you cannot eat Jackalope ,antlers and all. You can choke down the hair but you gotta run antlers through a grinder. Please boil toenails.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Jul 31, 2020 9:39 pm

Where did Ernie go ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sat Aug 01, 2020 8:51 am

Where did Ernie Go
He went in the outhouse like everyone else!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Aug 01, 2020 11:48 am

Ernest P. Swizzlefarb passed on Nov. 22nd of an undetermined cause. Growing up in Chinderwallow Neb. on the family farm Ernie leaned to work hard and think fast. After some scrapes with the law he joined the Festers Guild and served in Gatchawilly. Injuries from a muskmelon explosion resulted in an early exculpation and he returned to Nebraska where he opened a curio store. A victim of embezzlement from his partner he moved to the Tri-Corners and worked at the Fist Full of Barley Saloon. On St. Swithin's Day 1921, Ernie opened his own bar bearing his name. The establishment became internationally known for it's generous portions of "Happy Sally" and other fine refreshments and also it's Thursday evening Specials. Ernest is survived by his Daughters, Parthena and Sophrona. A simple service was held behind the Planetarium following his inhumation.
Respesiclly Summiten
Charity Larkvonnett.
This was copied from an old newspaper wrapped around a bottle of Jack Daniels at the institute. Assumed to be from the 1940s.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Aug 01, 2020 12:56 pm

A beautiful eugogoly. It’s fitting that Bartholomew and the rest of the Institute’s night shift polished off that fifth of Jack Daniels in toadsts to Ernie’s memory.

Interestingly, Parthena’s grandson Mordred Caltrop, who currently runs Ernie’s Saloon, has promised to revisit the Musteak recipe. Hopefully the menu offering will return to its previous high standard. Stay attuned !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Aug 02, 2020 1:54 pm

The craft of Eugogoly has deep roots in the Tri-Burg area. Clarence Eugo brought it
with him from the old country in the early 90's, with the idea of a utopian community
based around it. A concept popular at the time. He had difficulty finding the Utopians
he desired, but Pythagorian youth took a strong interest and seemed to have a natural
knack for it. The community thrived during rougher economic times and their work is
considered amongst the best available anywhere.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 02, 2020 4:49 pm

The Pythagorian personality was well suited for an Erewhonian way of life. For that reason many of them were selected as riggers for the sky hooks. Stratosphere Grappling Consortium's records show that they rated in the high 90s compared to all other backgrounds combined. Calculating loads and insuring proper techniques were second nature to them.
hookerz.jpg
The only flaw in Eugo's presupposition was miscalculating their obsession for Pomegranates. A sign of this hypotenuse is the constant sitting at right angles to each other and cutting their food in triangles. Plus the red stains on their white shirts. Quite a contradiction to the Euclidean idea of Utopia.
Still, the more rebellious youngsters did lean towards the concept as Burger mentioned and it gave him hope.
That being said, the Jack Daniels bottle is definitely empty but still on the podium.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Aug 02, 2020 7:48 pm

Hope is what the Pythagorians lived for and lived on. After the flood, they
set the river back in its ancient channel, built a fence, and constructed the
Sand Bar Race Track in the abandoned river channel. The race track remains
a stand-alone enterprise, but the Pythagorians got right back to work at the
hope manufactory on the other side of the fence. 1913 records show that they
distributed hope in both the large and small containers, to 761 retailers in 13
states. Zimzam Throngwalther was head of security and is seen at his shed at
left.

Pyth1.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 03, 2020 11:49 am

Zimzam! Funny name for a Throngwalther. It was given to him after the hilarious sounds he made imitating the machines at the raceway as a child. Originally christened Alabaster the name Zimzam seemed a better fit.
Faith and Charity were bottled in small containers also but not in as generous volumes. It seemed Happy Sally was the preference.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Aug 03, 2020 1:33 pm

It seems relevant at this point to mention Internal Beverage Co. brought out a product intended to compete head-to-head with Happy Sally. They called it “Cheerful Charity”. They even mimicked the bottle shape and label design, but Happy Sally had loyal followers who would accept no substitutes.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Aug 03, 2020 2:38 pm

Yes, their PR man suggested they sell them 12 to a package. His name was Justin Case.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Aug 04, 2020 1:05 am

Not that it really means anything, but Zimzam was another Tri-Burg area resident
with two left feet. Chugwater area scientists have studied this rare genetic oddity
for decades, but most just end up at Ernie's with a flask of Happy Sally to help unravel
the day's research.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 04, 2020 1:58 pm

Thanks for bringing up that certitude Burger. On display at the Institute this month is the newly restored Konvert-O Boot machine that Kalamity Dick contrived to refashion right-handed boots into left-handed boots. Previously, the afflicted were compelled to buy two pairs and try to find someone with two right feet to trade with. Not an easy exercise when you live in the Tri-Burgs.
ShoeMachn.jpg
It was quite a feet but he put his heart and sole into it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Aug 04, 2020 2:10 pm

The director of the institute often times made fun of Kalamity Dicks inventions until he saw the Konvert - O - Boot machine and saw how it helped the bowlegged folks in town. He said he felt like such a heel with no sole. Many of the left over tongues were sent to Ernie's for the luncheon special of fried tongue sandwiches.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 04, 2020 2:23 pm

Well Perry, no man is an eyelet. Our straight laced director should have buckled his lip instead of snapping at Dick.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Aug 04, 2020 3:51 pm

KD built four Konvert-o-boot machines. Arch-villain Slug Spaydaford stole one of them and re-vamped it to produce bootleg booze. Instep Sheriff Dumbrow to arrest the thief, but Slug had connections with enough “pull” to get him off. Shortly afterward, the Larkvonnet twins started a distillery. Coincidence ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Aug 04, 2020 4:46 pm

The Institute has been negotiating with the Spaydaford Memorial Repository for some time now to get the modified machine out of public view. It's existence is a stain on the reputation of classic shoe modification, Chugwater prestige and distillation of spirits. The Board feels it should only be displayed with the proper clarifications and disaffirmations. Heinrich has met twice with the district intercessor.
SlugStl.jpg
By the way, the języczek sandwitch at Ernie's was a little stringy.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Aug 04, 2020 4:52 pm

The tongue sandwich at Ernie's with boot black dressing is fantastic if you wash it down with a pint of Happy Sally
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Aug 04, 2020 5:50 pm

That looks like a barrel of fun!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Aug 05, 2020 9:40 pm

Speaking of barrels, the gang has been barrel racing over at the Helix Mill, while the vats
are empty.

KDrace1.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Wed Aug 05, 2020 11:15 pm

They were lion about the race . Mrs wheeler ahead by one lenght, Leo by a nose? Just the facts please. Someone has to know the truth and will let the cat out of the bag.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Aug 06, 2020 2:15 am

Miss Maydwell always races with her pet goat. It's the funniest looking goat
you ever dun seen.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Aug 06, 2020 1:27 pm

And counterclockwise at that. Possibly due to the last helix twist orientation. Care had to be taken not to spiral out of control. Spontaneous symmetry breaking could happen on the odd laps.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Aug 07, 2020 2:36 am

The Helix Mill has been operating on alternate shifts now since 1939. After the
Regatta, and the tourists vacate to other areas, the vats are drained of remaining
maple surple and consolidated into one, while the rest are disintereated and the
chunks knocked off for next season. What began as horseplay during the workshift,
grew into something of an organized sport of barrel racing, ... the vats being little
more than giant coopered barrels. Miss Maydwell's teaching contract was expired
between 01 June and 01 September, so the list of do's and don'ts imposed by the
School Board were void, and she was free to wear skirts above the ankles and
barrel race with her goat.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Aug 07, 2020 4:57 pm

A mix-up in scheduling found the goat, Speedabout as well as our Miss Maydwell trying laps and becoming mired in the surple.
Surple.jpg
Vat foreman Leon Pencefost had posted the timetable before the quota had been fulfilled. Due to slow coagulation and unexpected humidity the last batch for that run took 24 hours longer than expected. A bus load of shoesters were summoned from Gloshen city to help extract the trio. A congregation of spectators gathered and were charged the usual admission so all was not lost. However, the surple did invade the gasofier and u-joints leaving Miss Maydwell and the goat as only spectators for several competitions.
The other upside was that a small measure of motor lubricant seeped into the mix and gave the next helix's 3% more firlbackrucy. The chemiatrists were elated.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Aug 07, 2020 5:46 pm

Was that photo taken as her career was winding down?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Fri Aug 07, 2020 6:53 pm

Actually Herb, the photo was taken by Miss Maydwell’s goat. It’s pretty obvious that’s a rather large African lion accompanying Miss Maydwell on the speedabout as they made their unfortunate lap into the surple mire. You might say it was surplus surple that was the problem.

Bartholomew is currently searching the archives for documentation that might explain why a lion was riding with Miss Maydwell, and not her pet goat. It should prove to be an interesting story if he can piece it together.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Aug 07, 2020 7:01 pm

I believe that is the goat in the sidecar.
Oojamaflip is always spiraling down at the Helix Works and Miss Maydwell's calling was no exception. The goat's mane problem was surple on his paws which gave him pause. Tincture of vanadium helped some but made him dizzy. That affected his lean angle during the races.
The classroom calling to Miss Maydwell was a constant distraction. Cute Mary Cordelia licking her ink well and Tommy Stithellson waxing his primer were visions she longed for. She also had been smitten by Emberson Clammwadder, a gleaner at the tangent trestle. His jaunty smock and tautly laced helmet were gallant and captivating to her. These distractions led her to miss a turn on one of the last laps. Yes, pretty difficult in a circular vat. Never the less she was forced to reappraise her racing career.
She and Emberson didn't ever marry but stayed good friends practically til the end. When the elephant skidders ventured through the valley they persuaded him to affiliate with their syndicate and continue with their peregrination to Van Hasslesburg. He wrote and used the telegremogger but ne'er returned to the Valley.
Castro Wantenburger wrote a sonnet in the "Traverler's Abscond" about it. Series IIXL.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Aug 07, 2020 9:34 pm

RE I think that is a friggin lion in the side car. Perhaps the goat is in the lion in the side car in the molasse in the bottom of that vat, I can tell it is not in the bottom of the sea, right?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Aug 07, 2020 9:50 pm

Besides the novelty of Miss Maydwell's goat being an active part of the racing
scene, the similarity in appearance to a big cat really made the pair a standout.
Many believed Miss Maydwell's companion to be a lion, ... until their laundry
went missing from the clothesline and all the leather on their buggies nubbed
off at the buckles.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 08, 2020 12:13 am

And lest some of us moderns play skeptic to the idea of the goat that
looked like a lion, Heinrich will remind the assembly of the program instituted
through the collaboration of KD and the Institute and the O.S.S. after the war,
as a matter of bluffing the Russians into a gentleman's agreement/settlement
to the Cold War. It involved a dog fight. A winner-take-all battle to the death
between killer dogs of war from each side. The Russians readily agreed to the
match, and used the 5-year lead time to breed their fiercest dogs into ultimate
killing machines. Into the 4th year, The OSS, later renamed CIA, was struggling to
even develop a contender, and while agents were in the area to monitor for subversion
during the Regatta, overheard stories of Miss Maydwell's goat. A secret program
was put in motion, of which little is even know today.

As the story goes, the opposing teams met in Libya for the showdown. The Russian
dog was released into the ring, a snarling 150lb. mass of teeth and muscle, ready to
eat anything placed in its way. The CIA arrived with a small crate and released their
entry into the ring. It looked like a large weiner dog. Short legs, long body, but with
longer, thicker tail and long snout.

The Russian dog rushed the opponent, and in one swift motion was minus head
and forebody. The much smaller CIA dog choked the rest down, as the Russians
stood aghast. One exclaimed, "How can this be ? We have the fiercest dogs on earth !
We have the greatest trainers there are ! We bred our fiercest dogs for five years !
We trained, we did everything we could think of ... ! And it ends like this !"

A soft spoken KD quietly replied, " ... but we have alligators, and the greatest plastic
surgeons on earth."

"Fluffy" was made the mascot of the Saddle String varsity team, until recent times,
when social awareness and injustices of species identity brought pressure on the board,
and next year will be knowns as the "Evocularians".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Aug 08, 2020 11:20 am

A touching story indeed. It brought me to tears.
For reference I offer this photo of Gustoff Middleburry and his goat.
Gustoff.jpg
I will admit the posture in the sidecar and the geometry of the vat do give the goat more of a "big cat" look. However if you squint a little and hold your nose just right you will see it as the goat it is.
Again, Gustoff was not a regular at the races but appeared on request by the Vat Varnisher's Guild.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Aug 08, 2020 11:28 am

Has that photo been flipped or is that wrong way Gustav?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Aug 08, 2020 11:37 am

That question crossed my mind too Herb. I did flip the photo but then they were upside down. That seemed illogical to me. My thought is that Gustoff turned the racecycle around so that the goat and side car could better be seen. That also was his better side. Another clue is that the adjusting knob for the dymonitor would have shown of the other side.
Thanks for asking.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Aug 08, 2020 9:04 pm

Gustav was tight with the Vat Varnishers Guild and often wore a white sport
coat and a pink crustacean while representing the group.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Aug 09, 2020 12:54 pm

Speaking of Crustaceans, one of the more famous "Barrel of Death" goat racers was from Crustacea. "Fearless Egbert" pictured at right grew up around goat racing as a child. His parents had immigrated from Crustacea after the rhubarb famine in '88. Stowing away on a mushroom barge they found their way to Chugwater. Chariot races with goats with manes had been popular in their homeland and they introduced it into the Tri-corner Valley. When the opportunity for recreation during the Helix off-season became available it was only natural he become involved.
Egbert.jpg
The poster shown was the National Championship in Vulgarville, nearly 900 miles away but he and Jack became favorites in the Valley too. He credited Kalamity Dick as having made his Jalop-o-speed not only very fast but quiet and soothing to the goat. As far as the staff at the Institute were able to research, no songs, ballads or poetry has ever been written about Egbert.
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