OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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TXGOAT2
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Mar 24, 2022 9:21 am

Windmill Wallopers, I'd think, by the looks of their spiffy outfits. Certified, expert Windmill Wallopers were much in demand during the Great War, when much of the nation's wind resource was diverted "Over There". Following the Armistice, most of them went on to become Pinkerton Men, with a few of the lesser lights among them entering the legal profession. Of that number, a few of the incorrigables entered politcs.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Mar 24, 2022 12:30 pm

Many brave, talented and resourceful men became Pinkerton's but a few just joined to wear the pink tights.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Mar 24, 2022 8:17 pm

Pink tights, purple bowler hat, and socks that clashed... no wonder many were mistaken for crocodile nymphs. Howard Johnson got his start as a Pinkerton Person, and though he went far in life, he never lost his appreciation for strawberry sherbet.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Mar 25, 2022 11:10 am

Strawberry sherbet would have been a sure bet.
Thanks for bringing it up.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Mar 25, 2022 8:11 pm

beer 8030.JPG
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The boys were pretending like they hadn't had a beer in a while.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Mar 25, 2022 10:10 pm

Maybe it was 1933 (?) (End of Prohibition)


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Mar 25, 2022 11:25 pm

Yup. Repeal of prohibition alright, but Herb is correct. In the Basin, no one went "dry" between 1919 and 1933. Habits were too entrenched, Ernie continued to brew beer in the basement, Aunt Zerelda distilled a reasonable facsimile of Happy Sally, and other entrepreneurs chipped in to keep the Tri-burgs amply lubricated through the drought. The remoteness of the Chugwater basin ensured "revenooers" and other minions of the Volsted Act could be easily thwarted.

Of course, when it was repealed, it was a little embarrassing for residents to admit they had never suffered any deprivation. The boys put on a very convincing act for the benefit of visiting authorities when a beer truck from Laramie finally arrived in Silver Bow. We like to think they were fooled.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 26, 2022 12:03 am

Thwarting has deep traditional roots all across the Basin. The
Uvula League fielded championship thwarting teams for over 100
years. Sandlot thwarters and neighborhood teams were and are
a favorite pastime for so many all across the region. The Silver
Plume Kazoo Team will play the halftime event at this year's
Thwarting Bowl game.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Mar 26, 2022 9:31 am

Philbin Whackett was a master at making Thwarting bowls and mallets. Where would those contests have been without him? All this with only having one spleen.
Thwartt.jpg
Will the wonders ever cease?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Mar 26, 2022 9:48 am

The venerable Thwarting tradition is under attack today by a cabal of "experts", who loudly proclaim that Thwarting contributes directly to sharpened shoulderblades in school-aged children. Sharpened shoulderblades is a condition marked by a tendency to skip backward over cracks in the sidewalk, which in some cases progresses to randomly executing backward flips. When retired Thwarting champion Otto von Schrapnel was asked if sharpened shoulderblades had caused him issues, he replied, " Not zutch as yud notische". The League of Experts Committee On Thwarting (LOECOT) reportedley dismissed von Schrapnel's statement and continues to actively solicit massive funding for urgently-needed new in-depth studies while calling for an immediate moratorium on all Thwarting activities, including informal "sand lot" Thwarting as well as new requirements for mandantory sharpened shoulderblade testing for all Thwarters, ex-Thwarters, and Thwarter stakeholders. Thwarting proponnents insist that testing is superflous and that proper use of traditional Thwarting gear, such as the Pillenwerfer and the Occipital brace, is sufficient to prevent any detrimental effects.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Mar 26, 2022 1:08 pm

Sharpened shoulders were a major problem in those days.
KD even tried to alleviate the problem with an invention. I don't know how well it worked;
shoulder.JPG
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I think it might be in use somewhere even today.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 26, 2022 2:06 pm

Heinrich presented documents at last Tuesday's meeting, that showed the
application process and registration of the Occipital Brace and the Thwarting
Club (or "bat"). Schreck Emptmann told the audience that the brace was designed
to withstand a full-on blow from the club, AND maintain stability against the
sharpening of the shoulder blades, even at full velocity. A demonstration was
performed by members of the Uvula League, .... always there for the public
benefit.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sat Mar 26, 2022 2:56 pm

The local reptile society was appalled to see turtles being used as shoulder protectors and quickly formed a group called Turtle United Rescue Department aka: T.U.R.D. The TURD people formed large piles of information and were not afraid to raise a stink at the local town meetings trying to protect the turtle population. After the meeting the group retired to a fun filled turtle soup dinner.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Mar 26, 2022 3:03 pm

Indeed, were it not for KD's visionary inventive genius, we'd all be carrying carrier pigeons instead of mobile devices. Imagine trying to program one of those! That aside, the Turdle People's rage at the introduction of the Thwarting helmet was at least the equal of their distress over the previous turtle-derived devices. While a turtle half shell would do for the shoulder device, it required the juice of one whole turtle to create the helmet, not to mention much of the rest of the turtle, including oil-tanned turtleback thongs. The controversy raged until the turtles themselves formed a powerful lobbying group and amassed huge funding to force through legislation requiring all thwarting devices and accessories to be made of cows. Understandably, the cows object to such exploitation, but they have never been able to effectivley organize and successfully fund-raise such that they could obtain counter-legislation to thwart the powerful Leathermongers' Guild.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Mar 26, 2022 3:20 pm

Yes Perry, fortunately T.U.R.D. was able to correct many reptile dysfunctions. Moby Dick being another.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Mar 27, 2022 12:39 am

Been a lot of billboard advertising across the Tri-Burg area for
some pill that is supposed to remedy reptile dysfunction. Maybe
in other areas too ? With the Regatta coming up, perhaps this is
something to look in to ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Mar 27, 2022 11:29 am

Reptile dysfunction or not, Kalamity Dick never had a beef with mock turtle soup. He was an upright supporter of turtle rights.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Mar 27, 2022 11:59 am

Advocating heavy fur coats and cigar smoke as an alternative to turtle-based protective gear, these T. U. R. D. members formed the "Furs & Stogies Society". The movement gained popularity from January through March, but unseasonably high temperatures in the Basin led most members to revert to turtle gear by early June. By August, the society had dissolved their charter.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Mar 28, 2022 5:36 pm

"Fun while it lasted" so they said and it gave Larkvonnet Hall some needed revenue from the dues.
Furrzz.jpg
Lively discussions and bets made on the Regatta kept them occupied between coughs and trips to the bar. Andell Robinflarkin, the janitor, put his nephew through regurgitation school with change he found on the floor after the general meetings.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Mar 28, 2022 6:13 pm

Hepplewhite Robinflarkin made good on his regurgitation edgugation, recycling all manner of partially digested feed stuffs into useful materials. Sadly, Andell's preference for his nephew left Hepplewhite's sister Persephone with a bad taste in her mouth. For some reason, Andell obstinately held to his oft-voiced opinion that , ". . . The niece is not nice !" Fortunately, with her good looks and native charm, she found life-long employment at the Tri-burg Blood Bank.

Persephone's high school graduation portrait appears below.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Mar 28, 2022 9:01 pm

She certainly had striking looks... rather like a pit viper. Her genuine pangolin wrap makes a bold, avant fashion statement, one that no mere shopgirl could aspire to.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Mar 30, 2022 12:48 am

In her later years, Persephone took to raising Smeltic Zonks in
her bathtub. A practice that Heinrich continues to this day.
Persephone is Heinrich's Great Aunt, on his mother's side. The
two bear a striking resemblence at 100 yards in a hail storm.
Even Major Bungalo thought so.

KDshoebill.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Mar 30, 2022 6:36 pm

And the whole house smelt of Zonk. Heinrich converted a classic flackerpoth windsnuffer to help sanitize the air and atmosphere to a fair degree.
Two Bear visited on Thursdays as far as I have heard.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Mar 30, 2022 7:20 pm

The Zonk is a useful house and garden accessory. Besides its ornamental value, the honk of the Zonk is instantly fatal to carpet beetles. The mere presence of a Zonk will clear the largest of gardens of pesky thrips, nits, and earwigs within an hour, thus permitting the perennial and prolific production of perfect eggplant, perriwinkles, and patchoulie. Beyond this, a well-regulated Zonk can play a phonograph disc with its beak as the creature deftly twirls it on a claw. The volume is sufficient to fill any drawing room and the tone is said to be of surpassing quality. Zonks generally prefer Ragtime selections, but most will willingly play anything from hot Jazz to Beethoven, especially if offered the reward of a good Cuban cigar.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Mar 30, 2022 10:04 pm

Major Bungalo was also an afficionado of a fine Cuban cigar,
especially if they were made from fine Cubans. Bungalo HATED
thrips, and worked directly with Kalamity Dick to create and
produce the compound we know today as "Thrip-B-Gone", made
almost entirely of damaged punctuation and incomplete sentences
from the Alphabet Mine tailings pile.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Mon Apr 04, 2022 3:00 pm

Recombinant fractured sentences can be used to stuff dialogue balloons. Just be sure to wash thoroughly to remove grit, burrs, and insect parts.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Tue Apr 05, 2022 10:34 am

The Spuddle Bros. made a lot of money putting on exhibition boxing matches as "The Recombatant Twins". Judge Farkle was eventually disbarred for stuffing dialogue balloons with recombinant sentences. Many felonious footpads went free as a result.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Apr 06, 2022 10:20 pm

The Spuddle Brothers pugillistic matches were well-attended, and many a bettor lost his stake when laying cash against Stretch. "Stretch" Spuddle could put his younger brother, Buttolph, on the mat, often as not. In spite of Buttolph's clearly superior mass and strength, Stretch had him beat on speed and reach. But outside the ring, Buttolph was a versatile and formiddable performer. He once swallowed an entire, 8-tier wedding cake in a single gulp, and followed that with a keg of bridge nails. Witnesses report that he never so much as belched. He could, and often did, empty a barrel of beer in less than half an hour. He was once attacked by a grizzley bear, and managed to fend off the enraged beast by simply stepping on one of the creature's feet. He spent his later years in a gorilla suit, entertaining kiddies in a small traveling show as a talking, roller-skating gorilla.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 07, 2022 10:29 am

I found it interesting that between boxing matches the Brothers Spuddle worked for the Farkle Match company boxing matches. Some said they would strike anywhere. During their third season they won 28 out of 33.
Spuddle.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Apr 07, 2022 11:31 am

The Spuddle Brothers were sure-fire crowd pleasers. One of their more popular routines involved stuffing the referee into a metal garbage can, then tossing him over the ropes and onto one of the lightweight folding tables surrounding the ring. Another stunt involved Stretch setting up a tall folding ladder right in the middle of the ring which Brother Buttolph would ascend, then leap off and bounce off the mat, execute 3 backward sommersaults, and land on his head. This always got a standing ovation and a hail of popcorn, cigar butts, and peanuts, which Brother Buttolph would collect and consume, to the crowd's further delight.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Apr 07, 2022 11:34 am

The Brothers' prowess at boxing matches reminds me of the remarkable story of Indian Jim Brown, a celebrated layer of brick roadways. Search: "Indian Jim Brown"

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Fri Apr 08, 2022 6:07 am

I did google "Indian Jim Brown" but it was a road to nowhere, a dead end street, you led us astray, I will leave no stone unturned to get to the bottom of this, this will be resolved brick by brick !
I hope the Institution will find a way to put you out on the pavement for this...
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Apr 08, 2022 8:04 am

They say he drank .... I say, no man alive could drink 3 bricks a second!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Apr 08, 2022 8:05 am

"Google" ...... THE HORROR!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Apr 08, 2022 9:58 am

Jim Brown was certainly one of the most talented individuals the Valley ever produced. I particularly loved his role as Lt. Rip Masters in the television series "The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin". Also his hit record "I Got You (I Feel Good)" is one of my favorites. You may remember him taking singing lessons from Judge Farkle's Aunt Milditude in the Van Briggle apartments.
Thanks for the remembrances.
"Life isn't Short enough"
Stan Laurel.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Apr 08, 2022 10:03 am

They say that dog drank ... but Lassie's depravity was in a class of its own. No Dog of Flanders, that Lassie.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Apr 08, 2022 12:48 pm

Kaiser wrote:
Fri Apr 08, 2022 6:07 am
I did google "Indian Jim Brown" but it was a road to nowhere, a dead end street . . .
Not to blame Pat. The problem lies with the misinformation and spotty rumors and insinuendo that's part and parcel with social media. It's also the reason why it's more important than ever to support the Institute, whose tireless researchers do meticulous work, insuring that the information provided here is always incredibly accurate and "top drawer". If you attempt to cross-reference most of the subject matter discussed here, you'll fund that "Giggle" and other winternet providers come up blank. They simply don't have the provenance nor the resources of The Institute.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Apr 09, 2022 11:00 am

I remember in kindergarten when finger paint was the social media. I googled Model T and got a pretty girl in a T shirt and completely forgot what I was really looking for. It is a challenge to seek out knowledge and wisdom but totally worth the effort.
Thanks to the monitors and fact finders at the institute and you who do it from your homes. Gleaning truth from the facts can be tedious.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sat Apr 09, 2022 11:27 am

Back to the annals of Kalamity Dick, our primary historical focus:
Ridgeworth, Bartholomew's subaltern recently excavated a stack of glass plate negatives in the Institute's "G" Section and discovered this image of KD at Stonehenge. Heinrich is sifting through timeline data in an effort to learn when this visit might have taken place, or to verify if the location is actually southeastern Washington. Perhaps it's not KD ? His companion is unidentified in the notes.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Apr 09, 2022 1:25 pm

Facts can be tedious, to say the least. Many facts are hard-edged, rigid things, and some are assertive to the point of rudeness. Some facts seem to specialize in "spoiling the fun". Mathematics is fact-ridden, and as Barbie (TM) has explained to us, math class is tough. "Truth" on the other hand, seems to be increasingly malleable in this modern era. Certain attorneys-at-law are able to massage a few stray facts, or alleged facts, into gleaming new Truths that can so charm a susceptible jury that it blossoms with sympathy for even a sullen career felon. Not a few of these novel "Truths" are quite ephemeral, indeed, some are able to float above the gritty and rock-strewn ground of Reality on gossamer wings of gassy rhetoric.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Apr 09, 2022 1:39 pm

It seems likely that KD came away from Stonehenge with a good understanding of exactly how the hoary Ancients contrived to construct the monument. We can hope that he put his conclusions to paper, and that such papers may yet see the light of day.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Sat Apr 09, 2022 2:56 pm

The photograph of Stonehenge seems to prove my point, "leave no stone unturned" seems to be the reason why KD is pictured inspecting the menhirs in Dorset, nothing but kudos for the venerable institution !
(I do not see Indian Jim lay three of them a second)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Apr 09, 2022 3:11 pm

It is credibley asserted that he could lay 3 per second, and do it all day long. He handled the large, heavy, paving bricks, such as those produced at Thurber and Mineral Wells, not those skimpy little Abilene bricks or Justin bricks, let alone the sort of lightweight mini-bricks used to veneer cookie-cutter balloon-frame tract houses today. As for Stonehenge, I little doubt that KD, with his keen engineering acumen, was able to determine how the stones were acquired, shaped, shipped, and set. As for who set them, and why, I'd expect to find his guess as good as anyone's.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Apr 09, 2022 3:51 pm

It truly was an ambition of Kalamity Dick's to visit all the major henges before his "Circular Bronze Age Structure" voucher expired. Whether that is in fact KD in the photo is a good project for Heinrich to assign. I don't see his spectacles and he loathed light colored trousers as they soiled with the vanadium butter. It also doesn't appear to be on his itinerary filofax.
Looks a little like April there.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sat Apr 09, 2022 4:38 pm

Yes Rich, April May have been there in June.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Apr 09, 2022 11:29 pm

Fernando Franco, speaking on behalf of the Institute AND the
Kalamity Dick Foundation, stated that KD was contracted by
Druid ancestors to adapt the Henge stones for use with daylight
saving time. Setting the stones back and forward an hour proved
to be no small task, both in theory and practice.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Apr 10, 2022 9:04 am

Hmm ... some type of circular cog railway system with a clockwork driven compensator mechanism ... ? Steam power? A huge wooden treadmill powered by a herd of aurocs? A better solution might be to impose "Daylight Saving Time" on officials, and leave the rest of the population in peace.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Apr 10, 2022 11:04 am

Pat, your speculation may yield some interesting results if the right lnks to documentation can be established. This photo was in the same file with the Stonehenge image, noted in the back : "compensator mechanism control panel". Meantime, Rich has a strong point for questioning whether or not that is KD in the previous photo. The light-colored trousers are almost conclusive, as is the certainty that the other figure is not Cuthbert, who almost invariably accompanied KD on his lengthy excursions.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Apr 10, 2022 11:43 am

Kalamity Dick imposters were known to frequent special events and attractions in order to gain fame and money.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sun Apr 10, 2022 12:22 pm

Side note: KD did, in fact, experiment with stone hinges. A few prototypes were installed on gates at Cuthbert's ranch.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Apr 10, 2022 2:42 pm

Vladimar Philbin tried to market stone hinges under the trade name "Rock and Roll". They were a hard sell and received few quarries about them. The one's KD played with were finely ground.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun Apr 10, 2022 2:52 pm

Stone hinges could convert any ordinary swing gate into a nifty cattle-calling device. The gutteral, growling screech of the massive hinges would attract bovines from great distances. In later days, a few of the larger stone hinged gates were used to mill flour during the Depression. Then the REA came in with convenient metered power and put the Swing Gate Stone Ground Flour People out of business. Many of them, along with their associated hillbilly string bands, drifted East and became part-time nit-pickers in the less-savory sections of the larger Eastern cities. Unfortunately for them, nits went out of fashion after the War, and most were left with little to do but watch TV. "Popeye The Sailor" was a favorite among them. An echo of their predicament was observed around 1970, when doublenits fell out of favor.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed Apr 13, 2022 8:45 pm

Nudie of Hollywood started a brief vogue among aspiring Hollywood starlets with his splashy line of stone hinged earrings. The items became unmarketable after a rumor erupted to the effect that they caused elongated earlobes. The actual cause of the deformities was later found to be a rare parasite found in the raw oysters served in the Warner Brothers employee canteen. The solution, of course, was to promote elongated earlobes as a hot fashion trend. What could have been a financial disaster became yet another lucrative "rage", with oyster clinics springing up from Rodeo Drive to the red clay back roads of South Georgia. Wartime restrictions eventually put an end to the fad.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Apr 15, 2022 2:32 pm

As a training exercise, Bartholomew set his subaltern, Heraclio, to search for further information on Vladimar Philbin and his stone hinges. Sifting through the "Basket of Improbables" files, this photograph of Vladimar was discovered. It appears to be of the beginning steps constructing Philbin's concept for chain link fence, robust enough to pair with the stone hinges. That's Vladimar with the golf club, "on the links" as it were. Good work, Heraclio !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Apr 15, 2022 4:11 pm

Is that a back-geared, belt-driven cheese grater just behind Vladimar? Absent KD's pioneering work on power cheese grating, today's far-flung and highly lucrative power cheese grating industry could never have developed. Experts tell us that almost 94.43% of the world's population enjoys convenient and nourishing power-grated cheese products at least once a month throughout the year, and festive, power-grated cheese dishes are the centerpiece of many holiday meals around the world.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Apr 15, 2022 7:43 pm

I believe Vladimar also invented the chain letter using the alphabet mine for inspiration.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri Apr 15, 2022 8:17 pm

Yes, indeed, Dennis. You can see his inclination from the numbers inscribed on the chain links. Beginning With chain numerals, it was obvious chain letters were far more interesting. Then , there was the surplus from the alphabet mines tailings
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri Apr 15, 2022 8:52 pm

Enterprising schoolboys would make extra pocket change by hiring out to the post office to pull the slack out of sackfulls of chain letters. Their efforts saved the postal service a considerable sum during the height of the chain letter era.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sat Apr 16, 2022 10:07 am

Pat, chain letters and their ilk yet persist. For example, if you send a link to this thread to ten friends, you will have amazing luck !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Apr 16, 2022 3:26 pm

Cuthbert was required to wear chain mail when synchronizing the Carbel Kapastronimator windings. Burps and hiccups from it could spew valve stems and cripple links from it's numbles. Vowels provided the best shielding. And he did have amazing luck.
ChnMail.jpg
KD would have gladly performed the task himself but for his new attire.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sat Apr 16, 2022 8:17 pm

So that's where all those dropped lockwashers ended up.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Apr 17, 2022 5:15 pm

As a matter of fact, Pat, one of Cuthbert's Lock Washers still exists and is on display at the Institute this coming June.
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Nice of you to mention them.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon Apr 18, 2022 2:06 pm

Folks think it's odd to padlock a washing machine, but there's a strong reason for it. To avoid rust, Cuthbert's chainmail suit was constructed from a nickel silver alloy, as spatter from the windings was highly corrosive and would have ruined a steel garment. Further, the suit required extended soaking in washing soda to remove the spatter. Bright and shiny, local rumor had it the suit was forged of Sterling silver. While soaking, Cuthbert locked the washtub to discourage burglars.

The wringer says "Easy", but running the chainmail through it was anything but !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Apr 19, 2022 2:59 pm

The copper-bellied electric wringer washers with locking feature could be easily converted to renewable power simply by adding an electric cat to the washtub, then filling with a mild solution of water and sal ammoniac. This procedure would generate enough current to operate the washer and wringer and supply enough excess current to operate several light bulbs or a table top radio, or even charge an auto battery. After use, the cat could be rinsed and dried and re-used any number of times. A 12% solution of sal ammoniac and clean water gave good results, and would not bleach the cat to anyn objectionable degree. Commercial electric power vendors began a campaign against the self-powered washers around 1919 and succeeded in having them legislated off the market by 1922. Not content with that, they obtained legislation requiring a complex licensing protocal with annual renewal and the payment of a heavy annual tax be imposed upon anyone harboring an electric cat.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Apr 19, 2022 3:03 pm

This does not explain the origin of Hall-Way Records, but it does explain the demise of the once-popular coin operated laundry/battery charging establishments. These establishments may, with appropriate regulatory and tax relief, enjoy a redux if "electric" automobiles become popular once more. An electric car capable of accepting a full charge in one half to three quarters of an hour and a public laundry equipped with an array of locking, copper-bellied washers, a supply of tame and docile electric cats, and machines dispensing dime packets of Electrasol Electrolytic Washing Powder would make a good commercial combination.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Tue Apr 19, 2022 3:05 pm

No cats were discharged in the process, BTW.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Tue Apr 26, 2022 11:32 am

To refresh the topic, Melrose Ferndip was a blacksmith upon whom KD relied to fabricate various forgings for his inventions. However, Ferndip is mostly remembered in the Basin as a "healer" who earned a full medical degree at the age of 92. He accomplished this through correspondence courses from Scratchankle University. His interest in medicine evolved from a unique cure for migraine headaches which he performed successfully on scores of sufferers through the years, illustrated below.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Apr 26, 2022 1:53 pm

That's right Rich. The anvil shown was borrowed from his cousin Percey as well as dual carburetors and other shaman appurtenances from the speed shop.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:47 am

Melrose Ferndip made a nice living for himself with that migraine treatment, but he became realy famous for the marketing of his treatment for which he coined the frase " The Most Bang For Your Buck"
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Apr 28, 2022 12:00 pm

Speaking of bang for your buck
b7f28f108183e43a09e23be84d76f50c--magic-carpet-old-photos.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 28, 2022 1:17 pm

Nice photo. We don't use that door anyhow.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Apr 28, 2022 2:56 pm

Melrose Ferndip has yet to receive proper recognition for his pioneering work with medicinal pots. The cure rate he achieved with his migraine medicinal pot protocol was evidently quite high, since no record exists of any of his patients having ever presented for a follow-up treatment, let alone a refund.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:24 pm

Today it is virtual Venison and Vanadium vapors.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:34 pm

I believe what we are looking at is a Kettle, or ketel if you're an old Saxon, kotylē for the old Greeks or perhaps you prefer ketill as did the Norsemen. Better suited full of fish cooked al fresco at a boating party or picnic or set in river or along the seacoast for catching fish, it did tend to congregate the mental flux and tranquillize cognitive fibers and filaments within the skull. A light tapping with the 12 lb sledge from properly a trained practitioner worked like magic.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu Apr 28, 2022 5:55 pm

Perhaps the Ferndip Migraine Mitigation Percussive Procedure gave rise to the term "bong hit", though some scholars posit that the term cn be traced as far back as the early Bronze Age Celtic kettle-casters.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Thu Apr 28, 2022 6:38 pm

That's Percy's brother Aardmore Ferndip in the photo Dallas posted. Probably the inspiration for the "More Bang fir Your Buck" slogan, Aardmore's hunting technique depended upon loud backfiring from his trusty Model T sedan. Fortunately for Aardmore, ferile fainting goats crossed with local deer, producing a strain of animals that would faint dead away at the sound of a loud explosive report. The only cost to Aardmore was an occasional muffler.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Apr 28, 2022 7:15 pm

Rich B. , that explains his ear flaps on the hat. A flap hat if you will. Got to protect the ears when hunting deers. I wonder how was the steer with the two deer. Word has it that he was an animal lover and trained the deer to play dead to sneek them to safety in deer season. Either way he liked deer. On their feet or just to eat.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun May 01, 2022 1:17 pm

What is going on here?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Sun May 01, 2022 2:06 pm

Looks like they may be trying to gin-up a fundraiser or a bond issue.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun May 01, 2022 9:43 pm

That cow pulling the wagon was the granddaughter of Mrs. O'Leary's cow. She was won in a poker game by Percy one night in the backroom of Ernie's. That is the kind of fire truck they were talking about. The people around Chugwater wanted a fire. They kept feeding the cow bran. It's all in the archives. They were trying to clear off the hillside of Skinwalker Ranch. That is still there today. They never got it done.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Mon May 02, 2022 9:34 am

Herb is referring to the near-side ox. The off wheeler is clearly a steer, and likely the animal Percy acquired from Cuthbert, also in a poker game.

An aside, Aldo VanPinksburg, the famous artist did a number of paintings of poker-playing oxen. They were very popular, and prints command high prices even today.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Wed May 04, 2022 2:55 pm

I'm holding out for the duckbill platypi poker session pic.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu May 05, 2022 12:18 pm

Pat, were you referring to the Aldo VanPinksburg oil on canvas painting?
Pinkx.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu May 05, 2022 12:31 pm

That's the one. Don't ever get in a game with those creatures. They're crookeder than a Chicago politician!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Wed May 18, 2022 3:56 pm

Seeing a bit of contention and friction on another topic on this forum, after successfully mediating a dispute between two senior researchers, Medford Codswollop, the Institute's Deputy Researcher 2nd Class, decided to investigate all aspects of the Snarky & Glib debate. So far, his efforts have yielded this photograph of the partners who arrived in the Basin shortly after the Great Moss Blight of 1922. Elmer Snarky and Rathbone Glib established a free "newspaper" in Medicine Bow after narrowly escaping an enraged mob in Laramie, intent on tarring and feathering the pair. Efforts are currently focused on locating existing copies of their periodical which was titled "Bad Medicine". An investigation into their unexplained disappearance in October of 1923 will follow, according to Medford.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed May 18, 2022 9:16 pm

These two were mentioned in the scrutinizing of the disharmony. Bagels vs muffins was what started it all.
SnrGlb.jpg
Had it not been for Snarky & Glib, the whole west wall might have come down. What is cabin fever without a good blowout?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Thu May 19, 2022 1:08 pm

Having previously escaped the angry mob in Laramie, by October of 1923, Snarky and Glib were again confronted. This time, no doubt, by concerned citizens of our fair community over what was apparently a false and slanderous article about a prominent and respected local citizen, Seymour Openurize, who advocated that newspapers should strive to be factual and objective. A policy that Snarky and Glib did not subscribe to and believed was for intellectual types and other such losers.

The local constable, who was Seymour's cousin, Widely Openurize, owed Snarky and Glib no political favors and could not be swayed to their defense. Unable to make an honest defense, Snarky and Glib under the cover of darkness made their escape and returned east. Resettling near our Nation's Capital, they formed a successful political consulting firm. Having such success, their methods of operation have been widely adopted and are still in use to this day.
Last edited by JohnM on Thu Jul 14, 2022 2:53 pm, edited 5 times in total.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Thu May 19, 2022 3:20 pm

Forget Hollywood, kid. Get a law degree and head for K Street. Be sure to pack your snark and glib in your carpetbag. K Street: That's where the big money is! Fame? You don't want it. Fortune? You'll get it. Elections? Bah... Elections are for showboaters!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Fri May 20, 2022 10:49 am

Mr. Bingham, I hope you don't mind that I grabbed your storyline and ran with it. I couldn't resist. :)


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri May 20, 2022 10:59 am

John, I loved the follow-through ! You're certainly welcome to add to the "valuable research" we provide in this thread !! You, sir are an asset to the Institute's learned staff. It's all about the silliness - uh, I mean history of the life and times of Kalamity Dick and his associates. We enjoy all the "serious" contributions !! :D
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Fri May 20, 2022 11:53 am

Thank you sir! Though my composition skills can be crazy, convoluted and confusing, I do my best. :D

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri May 20, 2022 12:00 pm

Welcome to the fray John M. Kalamity Dick came to this forum in an effort to give some of the more creativity and humorous thoughts a place to go.
https://www.bing.com/ck/a?!&&p=4dfa6ca4 ... AyMA&ntb=1
Some humorous comments were being added to serious posts and were not thought to be helpful or welcome there. Some members were offended. It was thought this would be a better place to engage in frivolity. Who thought it would reach 577991+ views? I like to think it has reduced some of the Snarky and Glib comments also.
At any rate I hope that anyone who wants to will participate. You are more than welcome to join in.
I am always inspired by the wisdom and resourcefulness of the forum members. Kalamity Dick would have read every line and responded with a thankyou card.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by TXGOAT2 » Fri May 20, 2022 12:06 pm

As I understand it, "Baby Orchestras" composed entirely of infants playing downsized instruments were once the rage in America. This would have been during the WWI-Depression Era. Has information on this long ago fad been purged or suppressed? If so, Could the League of Former Marathon Dancers be behind it?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Fri May 20, 2022 12:26 pm

Pat, Heinrich tells me the whole "baby orchestra" craze fell apart when it was discovered virtuoso performances owed to orchestras comprised of vertically challenged folks referred to in those un enlightened times as "midgets". Some as old as their mid-sixties. With a penchant for smoking cigars, over-indulging in alcohol (recall this was during Prohibition) and frivolous morals, the revelation shocked a sentimental public who doted on the notion of innocent cherubs under four years of age producing sweet harmonies. The resulting scandals ended "baby orchestra" performances without the League of Marathon Dancers lifting a finger.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri May 20, 2022 12:47 pm

The Tri state Baby Orchestra is where Duke Fitzellwitz got his start. There was much disapproval of them loitering around reeking of "popcorn and lollypops".
Dukexx2.jpg
As for the League of Marathon Dancers never have so few disgrenadined the samworths.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Fri May 20, 2022 1:30 pm

The other strike against the largest of the Baby Orchestras, was the lengthy and messy intermissions. Many people chose not to return for the second half because the olfactory overpowered the cochlea.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri May 20, 2022 2:58 pm

Yes indeed. A number of changes during the concert were required.
infntOrch.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by JohnM » Sat May 21, 2022 7:55 am

Thank you Mr. Eagle for explaining the origin and purpose of this thread. I have enjoyed reading it for some time, but I now see it's usefulness much clearer. The recent "scandal" and the emotions that are produced, are sometimes best diffused with a little humor, and if you can sneak it in, a little wisdom.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich P. Bingham » Sat May 21, 2022 11:55 am

John M, if you find you have a lot of time to waste, sometime go back and read from the very beginning. Many "traditions" were established early on. I've found it to be a lot of fun ! I'm glad you approve and joined in !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat May 21, 2022 6:21 pm

I believe I have finally found some evidence to confirm the family relationship between KD and Roy Hinkley. While passing through the antique mall in Chugwater I came across this photo. Given its provenance and the subject matter it can be construed that KD was at least an influence upon the Professor.
bicycle.JPG
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I will leave it to the board to debate the issue.

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