OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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perry kete
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Mon Oct 21, 2019 7:50 pm

I thought that Kalamity Dick developed a Turdbine processor for the brown mushies to help relieve the overload in the lagoon during the peak tourist season.

I believe this is a picture of it.
industory_HP.jpg

And the crew going in to install it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Oct 22, 2019 3:05 am

Gunny Moonsuit would toss a royal fit if he saw his recruits so out of cadence.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by wayne sheldon » Tue Oct 22, 2019 5:12 am

Yes Rich B, I must be winding up the Victrola before I wind up the evening. Last night was Verdi's La Traviata. Perhaps next should be Wagner's Tannhauser? Or should I go back to my beloved bagpipes and Scotland the Brave?
And remember. Affluence and effluents do have a direct correlation!

Rich E, This thread has well earned its place among the great "back porch" threads of all time. Even if the back porch sometimes gets a bit close to the outhouse.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Oct 22, 2019 8:49 am

The depiction Parry posted shows the obvious enlarged critchenwhack for stabilizing the pontoons during the vulcanizing cycle. Four grognodes were originally re-purposed north of the cyrocliptor as an energy-absorption system.
Giuseppe Verdi sure knew how to spin a tune didn't he?
As for the cadence they may be simply demonstrating the sequence.
Thanks for the contributions.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Tue Oct 22, 2019 9:44 am

These huge turdbines were a great invention, and worked like a charm as long as they worked, but my oh my maintenance sure was a crappy job...
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Oct 22, 2019 12:03 pm

It was particularly vexing when the whoopsies hit the ventilator. Often it was prudent to wear two pairs of mittens.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Oct 22, 2019 3:00 pm

Thanks for posting that photo of the turdbine processor, Perry. A wonderful example of the sort of complex machinery KD developed. Many wondered how he was able to produce such engineering marvels working alone. Truth is, he did have the benefit of the assistance of many bright minds in an indirect fashion. KD would often spend hours in the library of Scratchankle College (before it was disbanded in 1928) perusing the files containing the theses projects of the institution's candidates for graduate degrees in mechanical engineering. An entry in KD's journal notes in building the first model turdbine, he collected over 450 pounds of thesis matter while designing the insinuator module alone.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:02 am

Melba Milquetoast was the Brown Mushie parade queen in 1948 and spent the next
ten years promoting tourism in the area. Here is a promo poster of her for the event:

KDpotato.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Kaiser » Wed Oct 23, 2019 10:00 am

That girl Melba sure is a sweet potatoe !
When in trouble, do not fear, blame the second engineer ! 8-)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Oct 23, 2019 11:53 am

She could really put the squeeze on a big spud.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:10 pm

I bet there is alot of Eyes on her! :oops:

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Oct 23, 2019 12:29 pm

Don't forget Marilyn.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Wed Oct 23, 2019 2:40 pm

Best use of a tater sack I ever did see!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Oct 23, 2019 3:29 pm

First of all, excepting perhaps those who prefer the company of other men, no one
has forgotten Marilyn. :roll:

Secondly, .... Man, that dress has got to be itchy ! :shock:

You will remember back in this thread a ways, that one of our Calhoun County residents
did a foray into the burlap undergarment trade. I believe this tied directly into the movie
production of Man Without Burlap.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Oct 23, 2019 8:06 pm

Long John Yahoodie's short-lived but iconic "Long "John's Panhandle & Unmentionables Inc. " gave seasonal employment to a number of Chugwater residents while the burlap mill and stitchery was running. Yahoodie's literal rags-to-riches-to-rags story was, indeed, the inspiration for the book, "The Rise and Fall of Burlap" and the movie that was made from it, "Man Without Burlap".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Oct 24, 2019 11:22 am

Skippy Spaydaford consulted Kalamity when fine tuning the Movie. When the reconfabulator was installed at the mill several violent arguments ensued concerning the use on aftersmultches in the groffing bin. At one point the assistant foreman was removed with a pitchfork and Skippy insisted on portraying the incident at the actual location with equipment as installed. This is why the Movie got such acclaim and so many awards. Douglas Behrflanks went on to an extraordinary career from that point.
He and Long John became Backgammon buddies and the rest in history.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Oct 24, 2019 11:49 am

Two points:

1. Hard to believe that all that mushroom moss would lead Chugwater into being
the biggest dishtowel producer in the world, and

2. Irving Trommel invented the game of backgammon on the backporch of Ernie's
Saloon. Being only four, he could have the Happy Sally, but had to stay on the
back porch for safety reasons. Unlike todays game, the original was played with
large garden vegetables.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Thu Oct 24, 2019 1:19 pm

Irving Trommel was nephew of Melba Milquetoast. Melba's kids were all known as "Tater Tots" in the surrounding area, but Irving was the apple of her Eye.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:26 am

I think enough people know what is going on here that I do not need to explain.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sat Oct 26, 2019 8:12 am

Knobby knee infintry ready for battle ? They were known for the long March. They kept their socks dry by not wearing them. The longest march was 33 days in March of that year.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Oct 26, 2019 8:59 am

Obviously one of the crew, and what a great job they did at the Bottoms.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Oct 26, 2019 11:50 am

Just an aside, but a curious fact is, in Idaho, the month of March always lasts 90 days. Prove it to yourself next time you get the chance.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Oct 26, 2019 1:48 pm

If you spud people would keep the roads clear, the trucks could get April up there
sooner, if they did not have to fight the March roads.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Oct 26, 2019 2:12 pm

In the catalog they were $5.95 per carton.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Oct 26, 2019 6:48 pm

Was the type of currency that they accepted specified in those days ?
Milhouse Osmond has a boxcar full of Zuhwiggins Dollars that were rejected
in 1911.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Oct 26, 2019 7:44 pm

It may depend how current the currency is. And the occurrence and recupulation.
Speaking of boxcars, the rumor still circulates about a boxcar load of flackenpoth guilderflukes on a RR siding. Each time I hear it the number of said units increases. The Institute sent out feelers to infestigate but no results in 65 years.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Oct 27, 2019 12:40 am

In a total blunder, Karl Casual, while contracting rail construction for the Chugwater &
Northern, built the siding you mention, right into the river. When asked after the incident,
Karl was heard to say "I thought they said 'Put it in the drink'". The coverup was ultimately
exposed when a thieving plot was accidentally discovered. A Bulgarian hedgetrimming
syndicate had planned the theft of said guilderflukes for nefarious reasons.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Oct 27, 2019 8:36 am

The C&N R.R. were trying to keep time schedules . The engineers hated stopping for water from wood towers. They talked Karl into trying something new. Turns out they were all wet and Karl took the heat!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Oct 27, 2019 8:58 am

Well, that explains a lot of things. The Lundergards claim the one they bought on an overseas Craig's List had an unusual amount of rust the the spridging plates.
You may remember Karl was the only one in his graduating class at Cornell with over 300 PFM. On the other hand he always said "Better late than Sorry".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Oct 27, 2019 9:07 am

There was some experimenting with lightweight metals at this time also. The shipping industry would have none of it. The term "shipping by train" was coined during these trials
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Oct 27, 2019 9:14 am

Steam%20Engines%20In%20Water%202.jpg
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The Chugwater river was the perfect place to test these experimental trains. The cow catchers were replaced with catfish catchers for obvious saftey reasons. Also detured train robberies on horseback.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Oct 27, 2019 9:45 am

The trains operating in waterways may have deterred robbers on horse back but the were soon challenged by Pirates!

c9e04aeac1d8734eb82c460ff122e1f8--sea-pirates-pirate-theme.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Oct 27, 2019 11:41 am

Bucking-Seahorse-Rodeo-33672.jpg
The pirates were the real problem as these were too tuff to tame fortrain robbery.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Oct 27, 2019 2:05 pm

Cutesy modern drawings aside, the Calhoun County Rodeo was no joke, and people
came from all over the world to try and take the titles from the locals, who began
training at very young ages.

Boom-Boom Moldstain was a contender from the age of 5. He died during a bombing
raid over Dresden. The Slim Pickens scene in Dr. Strangelove was a direct takeoff of
Boom-Boom's final minutes.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:44 am

clowning mechanics.JPG
There was no description on this photo. It too was found in Chugwater. This one was found in an old cookie tin in the attic of the house of Muriel von Hoopnagle. She was the town Librarian. She never married and there is no one left in the family to ask about this photo.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Oct 29, 2019 11:03 am

Muriel may have never married, but numerous reports in the Calhoun County Tattler
tell of a long and torrid affair with Simeon Barnswoggle, seen there cajoling on the
centrifugal hyperstat. Barnswoggle worked with Kalamity Dick in secret, on account
of his relations with the Librarian, but it was an open secret to anyone attuned to the
finer points of tinkering and inventionism. Below we see Barnswoggle with his earliest
successful automobile design. It was not so much a commercial success, as it was more
a demonstration of various principles he was working on. One concept that plagued
public purchasing interest was his insistence in rail-mounted movement. His critics
cried that the public wanted a vehicle that could go anywhere one might point it. His
answer was larger and larger steering wheels, which we see mounted sideways to
conventional thinking. Another complaint was that the operator had to walk along beside
the machine to fire and steer it.

Barnswoggle kept the beast in a shed with a spur track to the C&N track behind Muriel's
house, where he kept it polished and tinkered with improvements until his death in 1947.
He often took it out for test runs after hours, when he knew the C&N trains were not running.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Oct 29, 2019 11:56 am

Oddly enough, a large file containing Barnswoggle's working drawings featured prominently in the collection of documents which formed the core of research materials when the Institute was established. It was noted that the Barnswoggle drawings were donated by Miss Muriel Von Hoopnagle.

In an addendum to the file, Elmer Ferndip, the Institute's first director, included transcripts of interviews with KD, confirming his collaboration with Barnswoggle.

It's a pity how the short-sightedness of a public concerned only with easy solutions and personal comfort doomed the commercial success of Barnswoggle's concepts. His recapitulator improvement to the evaporator stream alone could make steam a viable option for energy-conscious designers of 21st century vehicles, but we all know how the big conspiracy has decreed no such experimentation will be allowed nowadays. It's no wonder Cuthbert Maddox kept that aluminum colander strapped on his hat; no one listened to him at that time either.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Oct 29, 2019 12:02 pm

And how Muriel loved those moonlight rides in the traposcopede with Simeon running along side. The evening breeze, the scent of mushroom in the air and the soft song of the monkeyhawks all made for romance. How could anyone resist that?
Herb's photo may be the night shift crew at the spritzle barn clowning around with the apparatus. They got a bit bored when everything was functioning consummately.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Oct 29, 2019 9:29 pm

How right you are, Rich. The group photo is well documented, as business promoter
Erasmus Ferndip, brother of Elmer, and a sizeable group of local businessmen, hired
famous photographist Ernhardt Schpreckels to do an entire shoot after the machine had
proven itself. And yes indeed, the crew was ecstatic over the lack of continuous fussing
the new machine required. They were now able to keep pace with their reading assignments.
Maynard Moldstain, brother of Boom-Boom, served refreshments, saving tips to fund his racing
goat program.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Oct 31, 2019 9:34 pm

Heinrich provided this photo of Erasmus and Elmer Ferndip at the September meeting
of the Uvula League and Ladie's Sessimal Auxilliary. They bear a striking resemblance
to the Moldstain brothers at that age. Both LOVED radial tires.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Nov 01, 2019 8:55 am

Among their other virtuosities is that they were good listeners. Erasmus was instrumental in arranging the Duke Fitzellwitz concert at Larkvonett Hall. Extra seating was brought in from Kalispell. The twins accompanied Duke on the Hydraulophone and the Friction Harp respectively.
Coincidentally, the Moldstain Brothers Aunt Roadie attended with three of her ex-husbands. However there was no trouble. Kalamity couldn't make it to the concert even though he hadn't missed one in years. The Hackwillow Academy was presenting him another Certificate of Accomplishment for the Clydesdale skates.
I remember the night air filled with kazoo hypnotic harmonies and all came away with anticipation of peace and good will in their hearts.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Fri Nov 01, 2019 11:20 am

Oh my I almost forgot about the Clydesdale skates. If I remember correctly Dick first engineered ice skates but they were not popular in the South so he developed Clydesdale roller skates. The horses had one heck of a time pulling the wagons up hill but once they got to the top there was no stopping them!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Nov 01, 2019 1:42 pm

Any dray horse pulling off a triple lutz is a sight to behold. Mad Dog Maddox was the
first to bring that move to horse skating competition with his zebra dun.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Nov 01, 2019 4:58 pm

I'm not sure if "Jimmy" was one of Cuthberts or not. Time Magazine 1952:
https://www.vintag.es/2014/01/jimmy-rol ... -1952.html
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Fri Nov 01, 2019 7:48 pm

Madd Dog was heard saying to the dun as they crossed the Wyoming line " you cant rollerskate in a buffalo heard". The rest is a bit fuzzy, what ever that means?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Nov 01, 2019 9:24 pm

I always understood it to mean that you can't go swimming in a baseball pool.
At least that's what it says in the directory.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 02, 2019 8:55 am

It's often difficult to tell what a buffalo heard. They, like the Ferndip brothers, are good listeners but often miss some of the words.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Nov 02, 2019 11:33 am

Back to Jimmy, not one of Cuthbert's cavvy, but there's a connection. In the late 20's Cuthbert traded a yearling filly to a traveling salesman who took her back east. At the ripe age of 22, the mare foaled Jimmy in 1950. Giving the lie to the song, Jimmy actually COULD roller skate in a buffalo herd, and often did when his owner wasn't looking.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 02, 2019 1:44 pm

I have nothing more to add about roller skates or buffalo herds at this time, so I
will pass along this tidbit that just came up.

Heinrich found this lithographic print in the 1892 edition of Stonewalters Mining,
Railway, and Engineering Review Yearly. The caption credits Kalamity Dick, with
influences from Simeon Barnswoggle. Clearly the rail-mounted part is a Barnswoggle
insistency, however KD prevailed in providing the driver with seating. The bell and
light were for festive occasions, which were many, and Muriel von Hoopnagle provided
the pinstriping. It has been argued for 100 years, who was portrayed as the driver
in the litho, as neither KD, Barnswoggle, or Muriel ever grew a beard so long. The
background scene is said to be at the Alphabet Mine, but no letters were shown, so
it is hard to verify. I believe those are dangling participles above the driver's head.

KDcart.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Nov 02, 2019 2:29 pm

A wonderful and instructive contribution Burger. Thanks for providing it. The lithograph was the work of Erasmus Mingo, grandfather of Norman Mingo, who produced the Mad Magazine covers in the 1960s. While a consummate draftsman, the Elder Mingo balked at rendering human features. He solved this conundrum by using the same formulaic figure in all of his work. The model for his ubiquitous man was Nostrildamus Smith, a Fort Collins street cleaner.

Apparently this quirk of artistic license was genetic ; grandson Norman was only capable of portraying Alfred E. Neumann. Artists are a peculiar lot when you treat them right.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 02, 2019 4:11 pm

The rail mounted perambulator shown was powered by vacuum. Steam and petroleum vehicles were banned from the Alphabet mine owing to the vowel odor. By using several intake manifolds a tremendous amount of vacuum could be generated. However consonants were occasionally sucked into the aspentator and mangled beyond use.
Coincidentally I mowed the Neumann's lawn for 4 summers during Junior High.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Nov 02, 2019 9:01 pm

I seem to recall that, Rich. The Neumanns were a bit odd. Only family in the neighborhood to grow Sudan Grass for a lawn. Something to do with gophers, I understood. Maybe not.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Nov 02, 2019 10:05 pm

Sudan grass is very nutritious. You can see here that growing it in unnatural quantities and fertilizing it caused a problem.
gopher.JPG
This was eventually resolved by itself. It seems that nitrogen poisoning can happen to an animal grazing on on sudan grass after a frost. That is what happened here and the situation went away!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 02, 2019 10:28 pm

You are half-right, Rich. The Sudan Grass attracted Sudan Gophers, which the
Neumann clan favored, owing to their soft fur, delectible taste when thinly sliced,
and the math skills ... the most math skilled of the entire rodent family. They
also helped shovel snow and keep the railroad switches clear of ice.
Unlike other gophers, the Sudan Gophers stood upright and used their forepaws
like humans, also having opposing thumbs. Not many survive today. A crustaceous
epidemic swept the area in the early 80's

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Nov 03, 2019 9:08 am

As for the "delectable taste when thinly sliced" the Tudour Sudan was a bit more pungent than the Fordour genre. Sauteed in 30W Marsala was how the Neumanns like them.
It's true they helped with the snow and ice but went through Galoshes like beer through a straw.
Pastor Pinksberg offered the closing prayer.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Nov 03, 2019 11:15 am

Oh ! Now I get it. Typo in my cook-book says "thinly spiced". I'll try again.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Nov 03, 2019 12:55 pm

To make it go further Rich, try it thinly spliced.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Nov 08, 2019 8:39 am

From the day they ran out of Happy Sally down at Ernie's
The boys went a little nuts.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Nov 08, 2019 12:42 pm

I will say the illustration may give a wrong impression. Drinking out of the barrel was usually confined to when it was down to the last gallon or two. Lifting a whole barrel like that to drink would be dangerous and we wouldn't want the younger, more impressionable KD followers here to try it at home.
The fellow shown sipping was Constable Clemmard from chapter 37, if you are keeping score.
He is wearing a single-breasted waistcoat designed for Ludwik Żeleński which he often wore in the corridor. The red vest was knitted by Eufala on a better day.
Be sure to check the overflow before scrambling.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Nov 08, 2019 3:05 pm

Scrambling overflow protection devices are available at the snack bar.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Nov 08, 2019 4:50 pm

Yes but the management overcharges and won't allow patrons to bring their own. Just another injustice in today's Modern World.
Snacking under the bridge has thus become more prevalent.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 09, 2019 7:25 pm

Overcharging is annoying, but is easily fixed with a regulator adjustment. The fact that
mgmt. prohibits patrons from bringing their own is the basis of all modern injustice, in a
microcosm. Underbridge snacking is currently being considered as a competitive Olympic
sport, just like it was originally, ... before the modern injustice of it all. When will it ever
end ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Nov 10, 2019 9:57 am

Here is Walter Pinkwart with his first string team celebrating his 5th Olympic medal in the competition. Some in the valley saw him as a world class hero. Others said "That is just Walter under the bridge now".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:54 am

Oftimes negative opinions have been expressed about some of the events that have been included by the International Olympic Committee through the years, saying they are too sedentary (e.g. Parcheesi, Tiddly-winks and four-handed Pinochle) to be considered along with extreme athletic events such as pole-vaulting and buffalo roller-skating. The truth is that Underbridge Snacking can be even more physically demanding than the traditionally accepted events if a flash-flood should strike without warning.

Walter Pinkwort would have received the gold in the 1932 Los Angeles Olympics if he hadn't been washed out to sea by a sudden release of flood water. Ever a strong swimmer, he was picked up by a fishing boat thirty miles off Catalina the following day, but by then he had missed the award ceremony.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Nov 10, 2019 11:54 am

Such a shame!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Nov 10, 2019 12:53 pm

Scoring of the events was interesting. Points were given for blankets, pillows, drapes, chairs, books, candles and umbrellas. Fresh-cut flowers and a portable Victrola sometimes were added in to the rules and sometimes not. Bringing anything barbecued disqualified the contestant as it put them in a special barbecue competition that was not supported by the Olympic committee.
The art of shaking salt and pepper and spreading cheese were scrutinized without mercy. Ham and mustard sandwiches, egg and tomato sandwiches, cream cheese and grape jelly sandwiches, assorted fresh fruits, cookies, coffee, deviled eggs, sardine sandwiches, olives, cheese and green pepper sandwiches, fruit, hot water gingerbread and coffee all had various, a predetermined number of values and were substituted from year to year without notice.
The Bon Vivant vigilantes often descended on the committee meetings taking prisoners and abusing the judges. This may have been the reason the festivities were discontinued during those troubled years.
Denmark had similar problems but in a different location.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Nov 10, 2019 2:34 pm

It is funny now Denmark had a different location that way. Seems they always did.

A sign on the Chugwater Chicken Church read "Non-believing hens lay deviled eggs"
over the summer. The new Pastor really pushes the congregation to tow the line.
However, scratching about, even under the bridges, is always encouraged.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Nov 10, 2019 2:44 pm

KDbridges2.jpg

The Pispacattiquattimauken River provided plenty of bridge opportunities for snackers,
both in practice/rehearsal and competition. At Bridge No.8, a crowd has assembled to
see the 1924 Uvula League team break out the corndogs.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Nov 11, 2019 11:08 am

And as we learned earlier the River has a Jem'Hadar name that translates "Of large men who walk sideways bringing pickles to the picnic" or " Girders bending in the wind" depending on which side of the canyon your ancestors slept on.
Soon after the corndogs were gone the crowd was disassembled and boxes were labeled.
Denmark followed suit but only after the Grambltoff.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Mon Nov 11, 2019 11:45 am

Granduncle Ludwig told me that the "Under the Bridge Snacking" event was removed from the Olympics because of the great ant infestation of '25. He said thousands of spectators were injured when a large ant colony attacked the Olympics event.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Nov 11, 2019 2:07 pm

That is a very true story and even Uncles were involved. Charges were filed with round, square and even triangular files but the case hardened thoraxes were too resistant to mention in the time we have here.
While the Olympic conclave in Transylvanian attempted to anneal the situation The damage had been done and voyagers returned to their homelands.
The rest is history with a touch of Saffron.
I'll be at the polyarthritist all afternoon for anyone requiring hall passes.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Nov 11, 2019 4:12 pm

Stay where you are, Rich. Doc Thorax is on his way to administer a biome.
Several have reported that you may be hitting the silly beans again. In the
meantime, on this date in 1922, the Lipid Sisters announced to a gathering of
the Uvula League that they were, in fact, paranormal, and henceforth were to
be called by their symbol names.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Nov 12, 2019 8:37 am

It well may be the silly beans. I can't really remember.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:33 pm

"Silly beings" ?!? We have met the enemy and he is us ! :lol:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Nov 12, 2019 5:50 pm

I was told by an undercover reporter that this photo was taken of the group spiking the city water system on election day with Happy Sally so they could influence the vote for mayor but the reporter disappeared just before he could tell me who …

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[/size]
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:06 pm

That is a true story Perry and here they are 15 minutes later with straws trying to suck a little buzz from the mixture. Councilman Monackey seems to be the good looking one with the mustache. Possibly the Pusboyle twins are there. I can't tell without my ear trumpet.
Don't forget Uncle Erasmus's birthday. It's on a Wednesday this year.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Tue Nov 12, 2019 7:53 pm

The guy on the left drew the short straw? Normally that would suck but not in this case! They saw the hairy buffalo on rollerskates later that day.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Nov 12, 2019 9:11 pm

What a surpise they got, when they realized that they had lifted the wrong manhole cover !

:shock: DOH ! :shock:
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Wed Nov 13, 2019 9:48 pm

I am amazed at the amount of research being done into getting the true story of the life of Kalamity Dick recorded for posterity. Recently a volunteer came forth and produced a photo of taken before snipe hunting became a required licensed sport.
Happy Sally.JPG
It seems that the guys down at Ernie's wanted to take Tom Sawyer out for a hunt and leave him holding the bag. Kalamity stepped forth and got legislation passed to require an age requirement of 16 years of age for the sport, (although there was no license required for driving an automobile at that time). KD was against any Tom foolery. It seems young Tom was the designated driver for the next four years.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by 46woodduck » Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:18 am

I believe that the short lad at the front of the car was Tom Foolery's younger brother Freddy.
Life is good on the lunatic fringe. Tom

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Nov 14, 2019 8:40 am

The legislation also restricted hunting Snipe from an automobile. The 2 cylinder Maxwell pictured was fast and the Snipe were constantly out run. Heinrich is doing some fingerprint analysis from the photo in an effort to identify the other players.
The Uvula League reportedly petitioned to name Snipe as an endangered species but none could be found to photograph for the yearbook picture. Just one more of the injustices we spoke of earlier.
Thanks for the photo showing the Maxwell. It is obvious that the spark plugs have been installed upside-down.
Until Gambkindora Day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Nov 14, 2019 11:38 am

46woodduck wrote:
Thu Nov 14, 2019 2:18 am
I believe that the short lad at the front of the car was Tom Foolery's younger brother Freddy.
=============================================

There has always seemed to be a cloud of confusion surrounding the Foolery clan, ever since they
moved from the Upper Terrace to the alley behind the Vestibule Factory, on account of Pa Foolery's
gainful employment there as a Wonctologist in the infirmary.

Freddy gained quite a bit of notoriety as "Four Finger Freddy", on account of his having four fingers
in each hand (not counting thumbs). This made him equal or superior in overall counting abilities to
anyone else on the Upper Terrace Windbags baseball team, for the entire time he played in the Pale
People League. It was during this time that sports writer Steinmar Metz referred to him as "Freddy
Fingers", and the legandary baseball dynasty of the Finger Family was born. It was well after his retirement
that Freddy got fingered in the Farkle Family fiasco, and everyone knows how that turned out. Heinrich
gave a rousing presentation after the sparkler show at last month's meeting.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Fri Nov 15, 2019 8:38 pm

Burger did you make it to last month's meeting? I couldn't get there as the Creek rose and I guess the Lord wasn't willing.
Who was there to take the minutes, right? Was Horton there? I hear he was trying to hatch some scheme with Who.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Nov 16, 2019 3:24 am

If you mean the meeting this past Thursday, I was totally unable to make it, as the wax ring
replacement work order at 7410 turned out to actually be both bolts snapped off at the floor.
I ran for a bolt kit, only to discover the flange height was so low when I set the toilet, it required
TWO wax rings. SO, ... that required yet another run for that ! I was none too happy. Neither
was the Sergeant-At-Arms.

The sparkler show is always held at the October meeting. November's meeting theme is celluloid
bikers.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sat Nov 16, 2019 5:34 am

Johnny Bolts was the leader of the Wax Ring or gang so to speak. . They were always in deep with sticky fingers. Everything came out alright in the end I hope? Dont forget the paperwork!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Nov 16, 2019 10:57 am

Sorry it was waxing late and you couldn't make it. The Lord works in Mecurious ways Herb.
I don't have the minutes in hand but from memory; The pledge of allegiance, Waxford gave the treasurers report, The board of overseers were re-elected with one abstaining, and the usual lengthy discussion on there to hold the Calhoun County Rodeo. Merv suggested Calhoun County but several questioned why. George Gobble brought the refreshments and the meeting was adjourned. Everyone was pleased to see George but he was suspiciously quiet.
It was decided to hold the next meeting following the previous one whenever that is.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Nov 16, 2019 11:07 pm

Minutes in hand can be hazardous. Bartholomew just came upstairs from the Institute archives to show me the single copy we have on file of the “Saddlestring Evening Standard” (a very short lived periodical published only from February through September, 1908 before being absorbed by the Saddlestring Gazette). We beg your indulgence for the fact this aside is not entirely relevant to the current discussion; Bartholomew is new to the staff and I don’t want to discourage him.

The headline story tells how the Calhoun County commissioners hired Cuthbert “Mad Dog” Maddox to repair the courthouse clock which was running fifteen minutes slow. Unfortunately, Maddox’s solution was to rope the minute hand from his zebra dun mule, and correct the lapse of time by pulling the minute hand forward a quarter hour. Sad to say, when he lassoed the minute hand and took the slack out of his riata, the minute hand came loose from the tower clock, and landed point down on the poor mule’s rump. Needless to say the accident resulted in a runaway for Cuthbert, the mule went bucking and galloping through the sagebrush and out of sight of the crowd that had gathered. Minute hands are nothing to fool with !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Nov 17, 2019 3:33 am

Sketchy Science Quarterly carried a story about how it took the entire Uvula League,
standing on each other's shoulders, to get the errant hand back up and mounted on the
clock. Before they did, an attempt was made using the mid-size fling attachment to
the derelict kaphistulator KD stored behind the Vestibule Factory. Oversprung, and over
flung, the zebra dun mule had to drag it all the way back to town from where it came
to rest in Mable Pinkwart's pickle orchard, in Funksberg.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Nov 17, 2019 8:24 am

The eventual solution was to go Percy's Thrift shop and find a second hand minute hand. Edwardo, a retired Minute Man, and a hired hand contracted the Handover ladder truck to help install it. By the time the truck arrived the clock was two and a half days slow. In the process the polarity was reversed and the minute hand went backward. Of coarse it was a simple matter to let time go backward to the moment the reverse happened and then kick the kaphistulator at the lower stragnometer and reboot the mainspring.
Saddly, Edwardo was in the privy during the time inversion and was never see again.
My thanks for the reports and let Bartholomew have a second helping. Sometimes the irrelevant jectures are the most confluent.
You may quote me.
Rich
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Herb Iffrig
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Nov 18, 2019 8:45 am

I've been working on finding an early photo of Ernie's, but as in most cases the significance of a cultural establishment is un-noticed in it's early years.
The best I have come up with so far is a photo of "The Hub" store which was two doors down from Ernie's.
the hub.JPG
I doubt that they had a hot stove with a pickle barrel and a checker board in there!

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Rich Eagle
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Nov 18, 2019 10:53 am

The Choreographer at the Institute has scanned that photo and moved it two blocks both to the left and to the right with no clear results so far. When the new chemicals arrive they will try again.
"orchard, in Funksberg" now I get it.
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Burger in Spokane
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Nov 18, 2019 12:27 pm

Kipper-and-Co.-Garage-on-Mashell-later-Van-Cleve-Ford-1024x891.jpg

Across the alley and two doors up, was Kipper's Garage. When the stove got too
hot, or someone misplaced the checkerboard, patrons from Ernie's were known to
come pass the time at Kipper's.

If you look closely, you can see the photos from the Happy Sally Hall of Fame on
the poster board in the front window. They were a proud lot.
More people are doing it today than ever before !


Herb Iffrig
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Nov 18, 2019 3:47 pm

Is that a Hudson automobile in the door way?


Burger in Spokane
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Nov 18, 2019 9:17 pm

Sure is. Kipper was a Hudson man.
More people are doing it today than ever before !

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