OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Mar 06, 2020 4:50 pm

A most talented performer but a picky eater. The product of a marriage between Pathagorian and Pedestrian seems to have most fruitful.
As we know, Oswald's Uncle drove the big Wombat from the alphabet mine to the foundry where the Spells were cast. Some misspellings occasionally cracked the molds and only he could snake the Dirigible down the winding dug-way to the oddment depository.
The spectacles Boon is wearing on the album cover were replicated versions of the eyewear worn by the foundry artisans.
We owe much to the Snackards of the Ween.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Mar 06, 2020 5:00 pm

Here we see a company photo of Oswald's Uncle driving KD from the foundry to the mine itself. On a good day they could make the trip in 7 minutes.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 07, 2020 12:21 am

In the last photo, are we seeing KD's trouble with eye tendon tensioning
irregularities, like he mentioned in his notes ? I guess he had quite a time
of it, when this acted up and his shoes needing tying. Boon Shong has the
same issue today and some say it has something to do with the gyratic sembulations.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Mar 07, 2020 10:51 am

Yes, much the same excepting KD did not wish to make a spectacle of himself. He kept this a secret for years and was finally discovered in an entry he made in Joan Larkvonnett's diary. An appointment the following Optogar relieved all but the untied shoes.
One note about the factory building in the photo, we are really looking at the other side.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Mar 07, 2020 11:47 am

Wrapping up, Oz Moses’ nephew Moses Moses (his folks figured to save on first names) was the Tri-burg specialist in two-wheel transport. His unhappy expression in the above photo was due to the third wheel on the sidecar in which KD was riding. He often said, “If you can’t get it done on two wheels, it don’t need doin’.” He was killed in a tragic motorized unicycle accident in 1936.

Wise quips are definitely a Moses family tradition. Appropriate to Rich’s comment about the other side, Boon Shong recently paraphrased Confucius with this gem : “There are six sides to every factory. Some of them are unnecessary.”

Lastly, to return to our main theme, shortly after the Optogar appointment, KD gave up using shoelaces altogether. The time saved cut travel from the foundry to the mine by an impressive one minute, seventy-five seconds when the road was dry.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 07, 2020 7:48 pm

I have always loved the way Boon Shong said that. When addressing the 1994
class of Untermenschen, he thrilled the assemblage when he said "Never eat blue
food" and "The cart of happiness breaks down under the baggage of life, closing
with: "We are all just threads of hope, trying to weave us a basket".

That was the first year that huckleberry cheesecake ice cream was the featured
dessert.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Mar 08, 2020 8:46 am

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 08, 2020 12:38 pm

A photo of Emmy Lou Larkvonet weaving another basket case.
Speaking of huckleberry cheesecake ice cream does remind me that tourists to the Valley often mistook the Foundry for a cheese factory. Probably because of the facade on the sixth side. Actually they did make some cheese there when the spells and harbingers were cooling. However it was not for sale to the public.
Emmy Lou also wrote a book "Moses and Bozos". It was not only a tutorial on weaving but a commentary on the South side of West Chugwater. Oz objected and was talking to layers up until the accident.
"Those not interested need not apply."
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Mar 08, 2020 3:56 pm

An early photo of the cheesebasket factory on 1st Avenue. It is 1148hrs and the
lunch trolley to Ernie's is pulling up on schedule to take the assembled crowd into
town for the daily special and a slice of monkberry moon delight. The small-in-
stature Pythagorians that worked in the cheese mine often wore the wide-brimmed
hats to shield them from the glow of the monkberry moon, when in season. Kalamity
Dick worked directly with mine and factory owner Ernst Schleikengrübelschtadt to
build the elevated rail line and trolley access road, using an early version of the reverse
gravity kaphistulator, .... the one still on display in the grand foyer at the Institute
that the cat sleeps under.

One "C. Maddox" is given credits for the musical score and arrangement.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 08, 2020 6:02 pm

Right on time. And it's good to see the crowd.
I couldn't help noticing the Farklehurst mansion at upper left behind the factory. It was said to be haunted by two ghosts. One was Ferd Pendledrake and the other his former business partner. As in life, the two didn't get along with each other. Passing home late at night from church or scouts, youngsters could hear the two hurling insults at each other and throwing platters of Lasagna. Much of the trash talk on the school grounds was learned from these encounters. Yes, the Lasagna was good but being more apparition than noodles it wasn't so filling.
We were never sure how the two phantoms came to inhabit the structure. One had been killed by a brothel-keeper in Philadelphia and the other mangled in a steeple crusher.
Claudette Mildwinzer wrote a song about it but I don't remember the title.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Mar 08, 2020 10:13 pm

The crowd was always strong on account of the fresh monkberries and full
moons, which were brought in on the night time trolley runs.

Farklehurst and Pendledrake perfected the septic enchilada for the domestic
market in 1889 (which led directly to Statehood for Idaho) and later developed
a version for export. These were made in Ontario and were known as "Canadian
Models" and required right hand forks and other changes from the American
versions. I think there was a song about that too.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Mar 09, 2020 4:19 pm

The song was "You take the right hand fork and I'll take the left hand fork" on the Crayola label. Many were sold but not played as the record players were not available yet. Interesting to some, the Monkieberries didn't hatch that year except in Quebec. Pendledrake had suffered from slithy tow as a child and was home-schooled at the sanitarium.
The rest is chronicled by J.C. Rowling 1917-1919 Archer Ave.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Mar 09, 2020 7:25 pm

Interesting side look at the popular music of the period ! Burger’s post noting credit given to “C. Maddox” for the musical score opened an interesting line of enquiry. Bartholomew has uncovered documentation which details Cuthbert Maddox’s interest in music. He provided several scores for Tri-burg musicals and for the Medicine Bow football team as well. References prove he kept a steam calliope on his ranch, which ran off a geyser that erupted regularly in the north pasture. When steam pressure was low, he would play the bagpipes, often with the vocal accompaniment of a pack of coyotes. His mastery of these instruments depended upon regular practice, something which would have been impossible if his closest neighbors had been nearer than five miles away.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Mar 09, 2020 8:10 pm

Cuthbert was entirely self taught. He had tried to stop the steam calliope from making sounds as he exercised his fingers on the keys. Finding it more pleasant to arrange the noise into some sort of melody was the course of least resistance and the rest is history. Eventually he took to wearing the kilt while playing both instruments but found it uncomfortable on long horse rides.
Shawn Van Briggle often thought about writing "Mad Dog"'s biography but couldn't come up with a good title. A contest was held each year of the Regata except in '32 for obvious reasons. By the Time "Man with Burlap but no Pistol" was suggested both Shawn and the manuscript had been consumed by the mold furnace. Aunt Sarah sung at the funeral and Cuthbert accompanied her.
Rest in peace old friend.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Mar 09, 2020 10:56 pm

A rarely seen album cover from Cuthbert's first solo release on the Corndog label.
Sawing Timber sold many copies and three hits charted on the Chugwater Top 100,
including "Wish I had some shoes" (9), "Diaper Rash" (6) and "Sawing Timber" (2).
Wearing traditional Montana musicians uniforms, Cuthbert posed with the band,
as they played the manual Spoozafone in the courtyard. They won many awards
for this effort.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Mon Mar 09, 2020 11:25 pm

In later years there was alot of buzz about " Sawing Timber". The spoozophone had somthing to do with it. The Crayola label signed them right away. They saw something in " Sawing Timber" that most wood knot?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Mar 10, 2020 2:47 am

Cuthbert built the original spoozaphone on the idea of a musical rocking horse,
crossed with the bow of a violin or cello. He found the four man version optimal
for melodic tone and allowed the players to best showcase their dexterity in rapid
fire note playing and emotional expression. In fact, he had to keep the playing
somewhat under wraps, as the emotive nature caused a lot of distraction for the
ranch hands and cowboys. There is a reason he his referred to as the Grandfather
of Country Music.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Mar 11, 2020 10:31 pm

A live concert shot during Cuthbert's 1921 European tour. Enid Paltzny played the upright
logs as an opening solo act, but accompanied Cuthbert's band on many of their numbers.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 14, 2020 1:40 pm

Heinrich telegraphed a message to let everyone know that the Institute staff have
decided to self-quarantine during the current crisis and get all that work done down
in the basement that has needed doing now for a long time.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Mar 14, 2020 3:33 pm

Thanks Burger. Please be sure to wipe the screen with sanitizer after viewing.
It is good to see Eldon is working the Spatchometor broach. If you zoom in you can see the typical Tootsie Roll in his pocket protector. The foreman will surely call him out on that one.
It appears that the tertiary sprocket on the machine in station #22-B is wobbling. I'll send a note.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:14 pm

The CHO (Chugwater Health Organization) issued a statement late Friday,
saying that eye filth was the leading cause of transmission and that screen
wipedowns were recommended, so I got the message, but thanks for the reminder.

An image captured across the street from Ernie's shows those responsible for
spreading the virus.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:23 pm

Someone correct me if I'm wrong but that is the CHO. The leader on his not so high horse in those early days.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Mar 14, 2020 7:27 pm

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Three wild and crazy guys.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Mar 14, 2020 8:23 pm

Coincidentally that is Eldon's Great Uncle "Fumagalli" wearing the funny hat. A day off from the Depretzellator plant was always a lark to him and a chance to ham it up with the boys. The stallion in Burger's photo doubled as a work horse during Pretzlebation between the wars. KD saved him from the glue factory by writing a 7 page alibi to the Governor.
I think I can see the writing on the wall now.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 14, 2020 10:18 pm

This afternoon, Governor Twixelbum convened an emergency meeting with
CHO officials and experts from Upper Wutan (where the virus originally showed
up) to plot a course of action.

It appears that either the dog does not care, or has already succumbed.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Sun Mar 15, 2020 8:11 am

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Woodvale TP factory ramping up production for "run" on toilet paper. Twixlbum ordered an extra roll also. The dog said he didnt need any.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Mar 15, 2020 9:01 am

horse shoes 1909.jpg
We are lucky that someone had a camera way back when.
Here we see the boys out back behind Ernie's doing what they liked best, stacking up horseshoes. They must have anticipated a big pile as they have a ladder in waiting. That is different than Ladies in waiting.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 15, 2020 2:20 pm

As I recall, the ladder is for when "Drinks are on the House". If that is truly 1909-1910 it would be Ernest Ambletoff wearing the tie and estimating how many horseshoes would fit into a butter-churn sideways. However, and I am in no way questioning the dates penciled in atop the photo, if it is the 1937 photo it would have to be Arnie Schoenhoffer suppressing a belch from the Habanero-Marinated Pork Chops served earlier at the Terminal Cafe. Some damage had already been sustained to the trolley seats from patron hyperacidity. For a copy of the Thursday menu refer to page 172.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 15, 2020 4:24 pm

My apologies to all concerned. The reference should be page 171, not 172.
I will make every effort to be more accurate in the future, what little there is left of it.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Mar 15, 2020 4:41 pm

Anticipating a lack of future, Chugwater radio station sent KCHG reporter
Yolanda Smeltz to interview Chief Leaking Valve about his thinking of returning
to the old ways. The show airs on Sunday night, after the Yodeling Hour, with
Ira Staubelmeier.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Mar 16, 2020 5:19 pm

A memorable photo for sure. Note that the diaphragm is offset from the stylus and spiral grooves in the tin foil are slightly crooked. KD had improved the design by suggesting a cardboard tube coated with wax. Other office dictating machines were run on vacuum similarly to the Van Bockle method. A coating with magnetizable dust and marshmallows turned out to be the secret.
The Chief became very fond of that chair and later traded Yolanda 20 Jackalope hides to be delivered the following Summer.
Several songs were written about it but not all to the same tune.
Sad isn't it?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Mar 16, 2020 6:14 pm

The Chief was a solemn man, but sad ? ... no. He is known to be quite the
prankster, often substituting plinths with mullions, just to see the reaction of
those who happen upon them. A lot of trade was and is done with the local
natives, jackalope hides being just one commodity in high demand.

The Chief, about to go out on a jackalope hunt:

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Mar 17, 2020 9:23 am

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KD's cousin It.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Mar 17, 2020 12:08 pm

It does resemble KD. As for the Indian motorcycle, Kd had much admiration for all those fantastic inventions from India. He often referred to the writings and reviews by Tash MaHall in his lectures and conversations of pure genieous. The three pronged Klabistraight being his favorite.
As for the Lucius Dumbrow report, we are still waiting.
Elbow Bump.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Mar 18, 2020 11:31 am

Re/ the Indian Motorcycle: Not withstanding the marque’s popularity among native Americans, it’s a shame their smallest light model, the “Hindu” was unable to compete with Japanese imports in the early 1960’s when the craze for small cycles reached its height. Perhaps confusion over nomenclature was a problem ?

Re/ “hair”: In his youth, KD let his hair grow, but never went to the lengths that it did. Wildroot Creme Oil was found to retard follicle development in spite of testimonials by Fearless Fosdick, the famous detective.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Mar 18, 2020 12:23 pm

And it was quite difficult for those light Japanese imports to reach their height. Kalamtiy Dick and the Chief on a trip to help separate plinths from mullions shown here. This is likely taken in front of the theater at Horse Creek just South of Iron mountain. The theater in Chugwater was closed for de-icing after the cake competition.
KDIndiaaa.jpg
As I recall the Chief had just told the story of Harriet Williammauker taking the laundry to the tannery by mistake. They both had a good laugh over that one.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Mar 18, 2020 3:17 pm

How I miss those old movie palaces from the ‘20s. What a shame. This beauty in Horse Creek was razed in 1950 to make way for a drive-in movie “theater”. Oh well, you can’t stop Progress. Which reminds me, Cuthbert had a race horse named Progress . . .
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Mar 18, 2020 4:42 pm

I know what you mean Rich. As a child we could walk to the Gaiety and Rio theaters. Crossing the tracks and the highway we learned to be cautious.
DaFoxx.jpg
The Fox in Chugwater was de-iced in time for Skippy's Premier. Walt Snugalumph was first in line as usual. The Cliffwillows and the Prangfords wore blue for the Holiday. Shakey Bob brought the trombone case with jiggers of Happy Sally.
The showing ran two weeks.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Mar 18, 2020 8:51 pm

Heinrich states that the old movie house was not razed, but was RAISED and moved
to some location south of the border. Men speaking strange tongues and wearing
sombreros came with many wheeled axles and a thousand mules. Or so says the
June 21 edition of the Fecklersburg Weekly Reader. The report also states that it
was KD's semi-eliptical, gravity reversing kaphistulator that was used to load it. The
one with the spring gears and yellow handles.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Mar 19, 2020 11:39 am

Apparently that is correct. Sebastian found that the semi-eliptical, gravity reversing kaphistulator was used for "Loading HC Hippodrome" in the ledger for May 22nd. HC perhaps for Horse Creek. The Klamberry arms had been lengthened accordingly for the edifice.
Myron Stroschlap supervised the move and Slap Waxford maneuvered the Calliope gears.
Moveee.jpg
I had thought this was that move but not seeing the sombreros it may have been the five-and-dime on Wilson Ave.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Mar 19, 2020 11:56 am

I believe that’s correct, Rich. The five and dime was built from the same blueprints but was only a three-storey building lacking the upper tower area which was unnecessary for vacuum-tube centrally located accounting. It’s most likely the workers removed their sombreros at the photographer’s request, so as to not shade their faces, making them unrecognizable. Sebastian is taking the rest of the day off. If you need him, he’ll be back in the archives basement tomorrow morning at 4:30am.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Mar 19, 2020 7:09 pm

Right you are again Rich. Three-stories. How quickly I forget.
Dime2St.jpg
Those vacuum tubes were fascinating. I tried some on my bicycle.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Mar 19, 2020 9:18 pm

I had a bike with vacuum tubes in the tires too. They were very popular for a short while. Folks liked them as there were very few leaves on streets and in the gutters come fall. I was very disappointed to find they were unavailable in 30x3-1/2” when I got my first Model T. Not all reviews were positive, however. Some said they “sucked big time”.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Mar 19, 2020 9:22 pm

Before the days of celfones, wearing your sombrero in the movie theatre was
the big faux pas. Not sure if this was the case here though ....

Still trying to visualize 1000 mules ....
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Mar 20, 2020 3:20 pm

Using the vacuum tubes required mounting the hose on the tire pump at the top of the cylinder rather than the bottom and reversing the leather seal. The leaves they pulled in made a much more pleasant smell than 1000 mules.

The five and dime reference brought to mind the counterfeit of Hollyhocks that Thaddeus Spaddaford tried to flood the Tri-Bergs with. For months locals were fooled but the sharp Herbage Squad awakened to find the devious plot and sprung into action. Levinson contracted Kalamity Dick to fine tune the Flux Confabulator for sniffing out the differentiation in the species.
KDhollii.jpg
Although KD was allergic to many plants and animals the Hollyhock remained benign to his system. Eventually Skippy revealed the secret greenhouse and the elder Spaddaford was brought to justice.
Much like today's troubled senior generation The Valley had it's ne'er-do-wells.
Have a pleasant banquet.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Mar 20, 2020 11:42 pm

Am I the only one who has enjoyed how good Kalamity Dick's machines
looked in the garden ? His ability to blend and infuse his works with organic
"design" was a subtle talent he came by easily.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:20 am

Ah, the hollyhocks! I just love Hollyhocks. My great-aunt Halloween (Her real name!!!!!) living in Nevada a half century ago, always kept dozens of Hollyhock flowers. When I was little, they stood taller than I was. I liked the flowers, their donut shaped seed pods, and faint yet pleasant aroma. She grew an area of them behind the old farmhouse. She also had a row of them growing alongside a driveway running to the back field.
My grandmother (other side of the family) also had a row of them alongside the driveway, next to the cornfield. Visiting either place I always went out to see the Hollyhocks!

Hollyhocks also remind me of the old comic strip "Priscilla's Pop". One of Priscilla's best friends was a girl named Hollyhock.

I have tried myself to grow Hollyhocks. They just cannot survive my black thumbs. But all my Geraniums died also.

By the way. Aunt Hally's birthday was October 31.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sat Mar 21, 2020 10:25 am

We had Hollyhocks along the back fence when I was a kid. They are particularly wonderful. Thanks for mentioning it Wayne.
Hollyetc.jpg
Speaking of Geraniums, KD's best friend Alex Geranium worked on the static ozone-resisters for the same Confabulator that was used on the Hollyhocks.
Sadly Alex passed away in a driveway running to the back field. He was 72 which wasn't bad for that day and age.

Burger, thanks for pointing out the aesthetic beauty of KD's machines in the garden. I also had noticed and sent a kleptogram to Heinrich's cousin Fredulicman.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Mar 21, 2020 1:08 pm

“Mad Dog” Maddox was known for his malapropisms. Relating everything to ranch work, he called hollyhocks “colliehocks”, as his old dog Shep loved to nap in the bed of hollyhocks that grew behind the horse barn.

Of some interest are the limited brain surgeries Alex Geranium dabbled in. For a very short time, he experimented on a few of the the unique animal hybrids KD had developed on the Maddox ranch. Trained in the old country as a watch maker, Geranium felt equal to the challenge, and while no harm came to the subjects of his probes, several increased their IQ threefold. Noting this, Cuthbert volunteered to be a human subject, but Alex refused on the grounds that Cuthbert was dangerous enough in his state of limited brain function, and a “smart” Cuthbert would very likely wreak catastrophic events in the basin. When word spread of his attempts, Tri-burg residents were quick to osterize him. “You’ve got Geranium in your cranium !” became a popular taunt for those accused of doing crazy things. It’s amusing how these things get started.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sat Mar 21, 2020 7:58 pm

This post has had 97,000 views! :shock: :o ;) That has to be some type of record!
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:30 pm

With this level of creative history, is it any wonder ? I mean, how many times can
the T-drones cover what oil to use, water pumps, or Marvel Mystery Oil ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sat Mar 21, 2020 8:35 pm

Hollyhocks are closely woven into the fabric of my own T experience. They grow like
weeds, wherever you will let them around here. Thusly, they were immensely popular
with early farmers and ranchers, as a way to keep the womenfolk in "pretty" out there
in the dirt and dust, away from town. Lilacs were also popular, particularly for planting
around the privy for privacy. Where you find hollyhocks or lilacs out on the old homesteads,
you are likely to find rusty junk, including Model T's and parts.

Anyone wanting hollyhock seeds, just shoot me a PM. I have many varieties, gathered
from said old homesteads, while in seach of old rusty junk.

I have not heard mention of Fredulicman since the Nutmeg Incident !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 22, 2020 8:52 am

For no apparent reason the Kalamity Dick thread has been viewed many times as Perry noted. Probably the fact that KD drove a Model T most of his adult life has much to do with it.
Alex Geranium was the first to use Karbon dating to estimate the validity of floral samples. He would often take Gertrude Karbon to dinner and a movie.
Being somewhat of a psychic, she would analyze specific samples and offer their authenticity. Some said her mind was a medium but it turned out it was actually a small. Her folks had arrived on the Mayflower so they were somewhat celebrities.
Mflrr.jpg
“Mad Dog” Maddox's malapropism was treated by Dr. Fineus Osteospermum using Periwinkle petals. While it didn't actually cure the problem it gave him pleasant dreams on the weekends. Namely his scalp and toes. Therefore brain surgery was not required in his case. Or even his six-pack.

As we approach 100,000 views on this excruciating search for truth and knowledge let us strive to be most diligent in our mithocracy and preambulance.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Mar 22, 2020 3:18 pm

Cuthbert always seemed to sleep well at night. When asked of a morning if he had slept well, his inevitable reply, delivered after a surprised pause, “I don’t know. I didn’t wake up to find out.” Periwinkle dreams were a plus; he usually dreamt in black and white.

Very few residents of the Chugwater Basin arrived on the Mayflower. This was due to the minuscule size of the van and the irregular dependability of early motor transport. Speaking of vehicles named after flowers, it’s coincidental that in later years, KD had a friend and associate, one Stephan X. Beauxdiddlymount who drove a ‘27 Chevrolet Coupelet he named Osteospermum. It’s a small world from a mouse’s point of view, isn’t it ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 22, 2020 10:20 pm

Wasn't 1927 the last year Chevrolet produced the Lupin coupe?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Mar 23, 2020 3:17 am

You are correct. In 1928 they introduced the Poopin' Coupe, and what a mess
that was ! Fortunately for Tri-Burg residents, Chevrolet sales were prohibited in
Calhoun County after the Amos Farquardt sandal scandal, and few, if any were
sold in the area. In 1930, Reamus Farquardt rectified the sandal issue and the
ban was lifted. By then, the messy Chevy idea had been replaced with the use
of larger diameter headlights (not head lice), and Chevy never looked back.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Mon Mar 23, 2020 4:00 am

Thank GOODNESS that Chevrolet has the faux landau irons on the right way! I get so disgusted seeing the cars with the landau bars on the wrong side or upside down, or both.

I think I have been couped up too long!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Mar 23, 2020 9:17 am

We have Martin Landau's ancestors to thank. The Landau bars were fierce competition for Ernie's until the previous noted sandal scandal.
A friend in the 60's bought a Tudor from a farmer. The back seat had been removed and used to haul manure. Coincidentally, he replaced it in with a 1927 Chevrolet Capitol Sedan. True story.
As for being Couped Up a bit longer than usual, I believe the Kalamity Dick Saga may be a good remedy for the symptoms.
Wash your hands for twenty minutes and put the cat out. (whether he is on fire or not.)
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Mar 23, 2020 10:04 am

Speaking of the Firecats, they won last night, in overtime against the visiting
Woozlenuts, 1-0. It was a nailbiter ! Film at 11:00
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Mar 23, 2020 2:46 pm

Looking in the mailbag, I see the Institute has been flooded without requests to divulge the history of the “sandal scandal”. Maurice in France sent a document by electronic carrier pigeon stating that the Landau copyrights and patents have finally expired with the French Suppositiere du Papieres Non-relevant, so the story, though a simple one, can now be told.

Simply put, the Landau bars served a tipple called “Happy Sandal”. Much like the 1960s J. C. Whitney hubcaps for Model A Fords inscribed “Bool”, the bottle and label were fashioned as close to the authentic Happy Sally package as possible. Patrons were outraged when they discovered the deception. Riots and bar smashing occurred at Landau franchises throughout the Tri-burg area, causing quite a scandal, although we can’t see why; “Happy Sandal” got ‘em just as damn drunk as the real thing.
Rather a cautionary tale should one consider taking a “purist” approach to life.

Footnote: the flood at the Institute is under control now. Sebastian misunderstood Rich’s last directive and set about washing the cat for twenty minutes. He was unable to get to the water tap. Does anyone have a box of band-aids they can spare ? Much obliged.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Mon Mar 23, 2020 3:12 pm

Rich I am so glad to hear that the flood is under control at the institute. It must have been a terrible event, but not as bad as the earlier one as can be seen here:
flood scene.JPG
Is this on the same block as Ernie's? I don't think so. I think Ernie's is on higher ground. Has anyone heard any history of the Stag Hotel?


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Mon Mar 23, 2020 4:26 pm

I know nothing about the history of the Stag Hotel. It was stated by Ernie's patrons that when the Stag opened that parts of the neihborhood was turned upsidedown. It may have been all wet. A photo is worth 42 words.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Mon Mar 23, 2020 5:28 pm

That bar took the term "Bottoms Up" too literal
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:06 am

The story behind the Stag Hotel is shrouded in mystery and intrigue.

91ad66d3c61490f8c4590b9566c1de92.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:04 am

One of the first responders mentioned that it would have been a lot worse if it had happened on Regatta weekend. The folks with boats would not have known what to do with water. Shown here KD and the Uvula League contemplate where to have lunch.
Equity.jpg
The Larkvonnetts and Smithelbonds did not attend on account of smelt.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Tue Mar 24, 2020 4:49 am

Congratulations on breaking through the 100,000 views ceiling!
A round of Happy Sally for all! I will have have a root beer myself.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Mar 24, 2020 10:49 am

Yes Wayne, that would be around 3,500 views in the 3 days since Perry mentioned 97,000. As I look at the views on photos since then it looks like 4 or 5 hundred for the current posts. That indicates to me that most of the traffic is research on previous portions of the series. Googling Kalamity Dick brings different results at different times. It would be interesting to know if non-old car folks are finding truth and wisdom here also.
Perhaps half the traffic is me proof-reading and checking details.
If Ernie's hadn't closed for the capsulation I would meet you there for a Root Beer.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Mar 24, 2020 1:23 pm

Heinrich reminds me that today is the anniversary of the Ben Kerrnz mini series " Kalmity Dick - The Man, The Machines and The Mercy". Ben set up camp in the foyer of the broom closet at the Institute for 3 months gathering every morsel that was known of our Heros at the time. You may recall he received 3 Ernies that year for cinnamontography, best screamplay and another one we are still checking on. The staff remembers the dancing girls that loitered in the cafeteria for most of those months.
KDflmm.jpg
So much has been discovered and fabricated since then it should be revisited.
The series was fairly reflective of the actual story except for snippets left over from previous works like "Kings of the Ghost Songs" and "The War that Never Was".
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Mar 24, 2020 2:46 pm

That is a wonderful promotional still from the making of the miniseries, showing Ben behind the camera for the opening “takes”. Epaminondus Zumwalt and Floyd Fritter were cast in the roles of Kalamity Dick and Cuthbert Maddox less for their acting abilities (mediocre at best) than for their uncanny resemblance to the protagonists at the same age. Handsome devils, weren’t they ?

Unfortunately Ben’s miniseries was downgraded to “nano- series” owing to poor viewership. After that it disappeared from view as few audiences were equipped with a microscope application which would enable them to see it at full length.

It is heartening to note through the 536 days this topic has run (to date) views have amounted to a little over 186 per day on average. Interest in Kalamity Dick and all attendant facts seems high. Perhaps the time is right to re-release the Ben Kerrnz film as a micro series ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:27 pm

The facts :D brought forth to the modern generation about KD is the driving force behind all the views. Both of them!


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:29 pm

If I only could find the photo of the swigglworth gear KD was involved with! The story behind it is great. I just dont know it.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Tue Mar 24, 2020 3:38 pm

You can still have a root beer Rich. There are some root beer bootleggers out there
rootbeer.JPG
still.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Tue Mar 24, 2020 4:37 pm

"Half Pint" the root beer Czar dressed like a young boy to fool the authorities could run his back yard operation right under their noses and never pay franchise fees or taxes. He became the richest little person in the old west
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Tue Mar 24, 2020 6:30 pm

In all the excitement we skipped right over Burger’s post about the shrouds of mystery and intrigue that wrapped around the Stag Hotel. That very interesting photograph deserves some analysis from our panel of disingenuous ex-spurts. Ghosts are very difficult to photograph in natural light, something KD found out during his time in the Veedawoo.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Tue Mar 24, 2020 7:34 pm

I was afraid to mention the shrouded mystery. The apparition actually inhabited the Gats building across the street from the Stag Hotel. That building had suffered a similar fate. Mervin was the name the ghost answered to. Mentioned often in the melodies featured in "Kings of the Ghost Songs" Mervin became famous and visited the Stag building constantly. Father Vonnetlark from the cathedral directly behind and to the left as we view the attached photo, tried several times to Exorcise Mervin but the treadmill had broken it's swigglworth gear. That was about the time the bootleggers addressed the Uvula League at put them in the mail.
GastHtl.jpg
Long story short, that is why there was a deficit of Root Beer in the County.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Wed Mar 25, 2020 5:11 am

It is a well known fact that it is quite difficult to exercise ghosts as they really do not like to be muscle bound!

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Mar 25, 2020 8:58 am

Very true Wayne. There isn't a lot of incentive for ghosts to exercise. They don't need to worry about their heath or appearance. Finding something they like to do such as motorcycling could be the key.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Mar 25, 2020 10:11 am

If you turn to page 238 in the red hymnal, you will find a notation in the margin
that referes to the DORBITC. The Institute staff have fussed over the meaning for
years. I think you may have solved that mystery, Rich.

Exercising one's ghosts is said to be key to one's largo.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Wed Mar 25, 2020 1:28 pm

The Institute has called in a team of paranormal experts to analyze that last photo. It would seem that KD and Moses Moses have both left their ectoplasm in the vicinity of the Stag Hotel. The continued presence of the “Bottoms Up Bar” long after the flood waters have dried up may indicate a largo in the space/time continuum, unless the whole thing is a hoax. It’s fully documented that Kalamity Dick strenuously dis-believed in ghosts, so it would be the ultimate irony if he actually is one now.

Re/ exercising ghosts: Father Ryan once told me they will do weight training, but absolutely refuse to do aerobics. Some may do sit-ups on a good day.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Wed Mar 25, 2020 5:49 pm

The only reference I can find to the hymnal query is this photo of Norbert shortly before he disappeared. It is likely taken at Ernie's and some speculation of spontaneous combustion came up. Luckily the cat wasn't involved that time.
Norbert.jpg
I don't suppose there is a ghost of a chance the rest of the photos are in the old glove drawer?
Norbert's niece still has the lower part of his shirt tacked to the barn wall for good luck.
By the way, I checked both barrels and no Rosales survived. Sebastian still has the loop hoe.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Wed Mar 25, 2020 11:06 pm

Norbert's story is an interesting one, and kind of ties in with KD, through the use
of KD's mathematronic prostibulator to determine his genetic history, where he
learned he was half Altoonian and half Guacamolean. Unable to determine which
half was which, his "disappearance" was more a matter of him going off in search
of himself, wherever he had wandered off to. When he was last seen, he had caught
up to himself and a good talking to was being dished out, the red hymnal repeatedly
opened and the root beer deficit referenced.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Mar 26, 2020 12:13 pm

And what a cross to bear being half Guacamolean. People can be so cruel and often called him an avocado based dip. Used to having aspersions cast about him he found employment at the foundry for a time and later worked the algae brake at the bogs. This job kept the equations from flowing downstream. He found solace in the words of the Red Hymnal. "Come to Me, O Weary Pattern Maker" and "Great and Marvelous Are Thy Sand Molds" were three of his favorites.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Thu Mar 26, 2020 1:33 pm

Also from the red hymnal : “Gladly, the Cross-eyed Bear”.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Thu Mar 26, 2020 3:03 pm

As I recall it was Ernie's cousin Felix's cross-eyed bear that littered the alley with garbage spread every which way disguised as KD.
Herb mentioned that Ernie's was on higher ground but it seems the Trolley had to ford 7th street to get there.
Wet28.jpg
Darwin found this in a very wet photo album at the bottom of a box marked "Flood, June 12th"
This would have been two blocks North and a half a can of celery from the Stag Hotel.
As you can see, the garbage had already been picked up.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Dallas Landers » Thu Mar 26, 2020 5:33 pm

That photo may be mislabeled? The Motor Washer Co. Is in the background. The trial washing system may have been in play at that time. Its definatly deep enough to wash the motor.
Later they bottled motor wash from pure mountian streams. Sure beat using rootbeer but not as tasty! Sorry if Im all wet.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Thu Mar 26, 2020 11:17 pm

Motor wash ! Who here doesn't remember being sent up to Supply to get a pallet
of prop wash for the choppers ? Sgt. Tightwad kept a firm grip on inventory and
you better have your paperwork in order if you wanted to come back to the hanger
with what your own Sergeant sent you for !
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Fri Mar 27, 2020 2:57 pm

Well, Heinrich did find a photo of the interior of the "Motor Washer" shop.
MWasherzz.jpg
At first we thought it was Norbert behind the counter. However his Niece suggests it is his Brother Bertnor. During the flood they ran low on 5/8 and had to wire for additional.
You can barley see the hymnal on the upper shelf as that one is Blue.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Fri Mar 27, 2020 10:58 pm

I wonder if motor washers will interchange with prop wash rings ?
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sat Mar 28, 2020 5:18 pm

turkeys.jpg
How many turkeys are in a gaggle? I guess I could google a gaggle.

Shown here are a flock of turkeys that were brought in after the flood to help clean up the mess left by the water. I heard it didn't work too well. There was a great Thanksgiving feast that fall though.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sat Mar 28, 2020 5:57 pm

To google a gaggle of gobblers, the fictionary informs us the term is a “rafter” of turkeys. That same Thanksgiving Day, the folks were thankful the turkeys hadn’t roosted in the rafters. You never know what a flood will bring, besides water.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Sun Mar 29, 2020 1:45 am

The Great Flood caught many Tri-Burg residents by surprise, as Vegas oddsmakers had
put it at 200-to-1, with a 12 point spread for the following weekend. When it came
early, people were just getting their sandbags out. Hiram Mogleshoop ran the express
wagon between the Alphabet Mine and all three burgs. He barely made it past Schlumfort
Gap before the waters rose above the bluff. Governor Wormwood awarded Mogleshoop
with the Corndog Medal for bravery and service to the community, which resides in the
permanent display collection in the South Wing library at the Institute.

KDwagon.jpg
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 29, 2020 8:54 am

A careful look at Herb's photo shows that those are not turkeys at all but an illegal gathering of Logaritheans from Chattersville. They would disguise themselves as the Meleagris and invade the hamlet suffering all manner of puns, pranks and insults on the residents. They seriously outnumbers the Foul Vigilantes who tried to sweep them from the streets with oversized brooms. The only way to force them from the streets was the smell of lemon meringue pie. Ladies all over town scurried to their kitchens to cook up the antidote.
Did I mention they were particularly Rude to Hupmobile owners?

As for the Mogleshoop Express, I might add he made better time by adding participles to the load.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Sun Mar 29, 2020 3:51 pm

Doris Gallopavo made the best lemon meringue pie in the basin. Her lures made a clean sweep of the offending Logaritheans in spite of the fact Jules Wernerthusen had parked his Hupmobile in her driveway.

Alas for Hiram Moogleshoop. When a dangling participle got caught in the drive chain, the Express was discontinued for over a month in spite of the quarantine.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Sun Mar 29, 2020 4:58 pm

Thanks for mentioning that Rich. Here Ernest Ambletoff shows the flaw caused by the dangler. At first he declined to assess the situation but several pies later he agreed to take a look. He had a soft spot for meringue.
Chchain.jpg
KD was still trying to pull the trolley from it's predicament.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by perry kete » Sun Mar 29, 2020 6:40 pm

As leader of the chain gang Ernest was able to secure help from his crew but discovered that they insisted on banana cream pie as payment not lemon.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Herb Iffrig » Sun Mar 29, 2020 6:57 pm

It is funny that you guys are talking about lemon meringue pie today. That is what I had for lunch today. There are no turkeys around to day so I guess it works?
lemon meringue pie.jpg
There is one piece left.


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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Wayne Sheldon » Mon Mar 30, 2020 4:29 am

You should be more careful about such mentions, Herb, David Dewey could be on his way over as we speak! Wouldn't want him in trouble with the viral lock-down police now would we.

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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Eagle » Mon Mar 30, 2020 10:21 am

My regards to Herb, David, Wayne and all of you.
Like the model T there are many ways to enjoy Pie.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Burger in Spokane » Mon Mar 30, 2020 10:29 am

Ah, ... the most memorable evening at Grunda Fulpants' home on the
Upper Terrace. She brought those chairs to Chugwater on the midnight
train.
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Re: OT - Adventures of Kalamity Dick - Fact or Fiction?

Post by Rich Bingham » Mon Mar 30, 2020 3:14 pm

Rich Eagle wrote:
Mon Mar 30, 2020 10:21 am
. . . there are many ways to enjoy Pie.
So true, Rich. This fits right in with Kalamity Dick’s fascination with the relationship between the circumference of a circle and its diameter. He found much pleasure in peaceful contemplation of infinity in 3.14166666666666 (anon), which incidentally explains KD’s inevitable answer to equivocally presented technical dilemmas. “It’s sixes.” He would begin, an answer that never failed to greatly frustrate those around him who expected a definite answer.

Similarly, “Mad Dog” Maddox would always reply “It depends.” when asked how to manage a fractious horse or stubborn livestock. Frustration seldom resulted from it; the cowboys and sheepherders never listened to him anyway, but the parallel is suggestive nonetheless, as it indicates a similarity of temperament which no doubt enhanced the long friendship KD and Cuthbert enjoyed in spite of the wide disparity in their interests and abilities.

It all comes full circle after all, and when it does, I’ll take huckleberry if the the lemon meringue is all gone.
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